Hi again ladies, for this article I’m going to be writing about respect and mutual respect. Respect is a big thing in a relationship because if he doesn’t respect you then he’s going to walk all over you, or not treat you very well. Some people see respect as a fear tool, as in you respect your boss at work, but I more-so mean mutual respect. It’s a healthy thing. For instance, I respect my wife enough to apologise to her when I feel I’m in the wrong for whatever shitty thing I’ve done, and the same applies to her – we’re human after all and we’re forever making mistakes. I made a ton of them to get to the position in life I am now. I’m sure you did too.

Here’s a really great video on respecting yourself as a woman 🙂

So here’s the thing – don’t sleep with him the first time you meet him. I don’t know what it is with us guys but it’s like a subliminal trigger in our heads that switches the “You’re not a challenge” button. From then on we ultimately lose all respect for you that we ever had for you however large or small. Seriously, make us run around a bit, get us all hot under the collar and eager to get into bed with you – even if you’re wanting to yourself. It can end up a fun game in the end. Just don’t draw it out for too long or we’ll get bored and stop chasing. Why wait you ask? Well, it subliminally tells us men that we’re not always going to get what we want from you, and that’s a good thing, because we definitely shouldn’t. That saying, watch the out for the guys that are only in it for the chase, because once they bang you they’re off like a shot. I shared a house with a guy like that once. He’s had more women than Tiger Woods and that isn’t a good thing!

Challenge in a relationship is a good thing, so you have to ask yourself – the guy that you’re interested in? What would his ideal date be? Moonlit walk down an exotic beach? Dinner for two at a nice restaurant? Greasy spoon? Night out on the tiles? – all of this is fine but it has to co-ordinate with your interests too, and how much extra he is willing to exert himself. You can generally lead by example from the first date for the rest of a relationship. People rarely change their habits, so if he isn’t willing to rise up to the challenge or make any effort at all then it may be time to look elsewhere.

mutual respect

Let him chase you. Listen, no matter what we say us guys are hard-wired to chase women that we’re interested in. It can be subtle, or it can be obvious, we’ll chase you until you’re giving off those “get the hell away from me” vibes. So if he’s interested in you make him chase you, and make it a little harder for him and see if he rises to the challenge. As I said before it gives off that aura of respect that us men subliminally obey. My now wife made me chase her around for nearly a month before I even got a sniff off her bedroom. Why? Because it tested my staying power and how I liked her as a person and not as a disposable sex toy.

 

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I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

10 COMMENTS

  1. Everyone likes a challenge, men as well as women. And like you say you do have to have respect to have anything worth having. I think you have used good examples throughout showing exactly what you mean. Excellent post on dating, with the emphasis on respect. Too bad everyone in the dating scene doesn’t happen upon your website.

    • Oooh. That’s really nice feedback there, and definitely nice of you to say so. Thank you! I wish they would! lol Please, people, come to me! I’ll sort you out! Hehe.

      I really, really try to be relevant all the time. It helps keep people engaged, or well, so I assume anyway 🙂

  2. This is an interesting article. So much to say, yet I think a short version of a long story may do better here.

    A little over 29 years ago I was at a week long convention out of state with many other singles of my age group. A certain young lady caught my attention in our afternoon get socializing of singles. We socialized as a group the whole week, but as I was interested in her, i asked her out for dinner that weekend. We made a Sunday lunch date. When I asked about calling, writing, and becoming friends, etc – her response was for me to call her when I got back to Maine (which would be a few days) and she would let me know (so many points to make here about relationships ….) Anyway – I did – she said yes – I was back in Florida to see her the very next weekend for her birthday.

    – Did she challenge me? Yes.
    – Did it raise my “curiosity” level? Oh yes.

    The outcome from this? One year later I married her, and we have been happily married for 28 years. Does she still challenge me? – continually. I am still curious? always.

    Scott

    • I think you know what you’re talking about Scott – in a relationship we’re always challenging each other. 28 years, wow – good on you Sir! 🙂

      That was a lovely story – If you have children do you tell them that? How Mum and Dad met up? 🙂

  3. Hi Raymond,
    It has always mystified me that men or women wouldn’t want to take the time to get to know a person that they are dating before jumping into bed. For me, respect is a huge thing. I find that I genuinely have to like the person I’m dating before I’d every consider more with him. Fortunately, I found that wonderful guy about 5 years ago and never looked back. I’m so glad the dating game is over!

    • Absolutely! You see, for men when we start out dating it’s all about the sex, then the thoughts of commitment come later. Which is why in my opinion ladies need to hold off for a while. Just to make sure we won’t use you and abuse you! :/

      I’m so glad too! Dating was a minefield lol

  4. Great article, you should write another on how the PUA movement has really damaged the dating and interaction scene between young men and women. PUA is short for Pick Up Artists, which is a movement that really gained steam after Neil Strauss published “The Game” several years ago.

    I’m eventually going to write an article about it and how it’s actually defrauded young men of their time, money, and energy, but it’s definetely a movement that good men need to call-out because it basically advocates behaving like a complete sociopath in order to get a woman into bed.

  5. That’s solid advice. I’m not a fan of people playing games, regardless of gender, so I would caution ladies not to act uninterested, but they should definitely respect themselves as individuals first. When you respect yourself and are truly secure with who you are, you communicate that to other people – men included – without coming off as arrogant. Yes, men will pursue you – if they think you’re worth the effort and not making them chase you.

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