Finding the partner that you deserve
Same Story Again!
You’d think this was the case right? Happily plodding through your life and then your
partner drops a bombshell on you that they’ve been cheating on you this whole time, or they beat you up, or ‘insert irrational expletive here’. This hasn’t happened to you once, it’s happened to you five times or more now and you can’t tell what the hell is wrong with all these people? Where are the good ones?
You’d be dead wrong though. Dead wrong
You see, relationships are a funny thing. We like to think that we are ruling our lives completely different from our peers, our parents and the people that we manage; yet life is a funny old balance between what we know and the familiar. What do I mean? Am I crazy?
My troubled Journey
Take me for example; You can find my back story on the Be Brave Project and my About me page of this website. Anyway. I was brought up in a single parent family; yes, I was one of them before single parenting was fashionable, or at least it seems fashionable now. My Mum, bless her heart was always trying to find that perfect man. She did actually but he died. But that’s another story. My Dad was a fighter; by that I meant he fought to break relationships rather than empower them. Four times he was Married before the alcohol consumed him, and never once was he faithful. Always having that secret woman somewhere else.
My right hand
You can see where this is going right? I had not a hope in hell of forming a normal, healthy
relationship with my right hand never mind a woman. Yet I’d blame partners and previous partners for their misgivings and take it truly to heart when our relationship ended. Even if it didn’t last that long, which none of them really did. I’d even go as far as to blame unavailable women for being unavailable. Yes, believe me I scratch my head at the one too!
I was a broken man, all I knew was messy relationships, infidelity, anger and anxiousness. I had to do something about it. I had to delve into the depths of my being and forge a new destiny for myself.
And then your eyes truly become open. Once you start tinkering with what makes you work then you actually realise that perhaps the decisions you’ve made in the past weren’t the best choice for you. You see that perhaps the people that excite you are doing it for all the wrong reasons; that intoxicating attraction you feel is founded upon the negative stuff you experienced as a kid. Time to change, time to find a new exciting attractor.
So how do you do that? Where do you start?
You start with discovering yourself. Not many people truly take the time to rediscover themselves; take time out to smell the roses on a beautiful day, and they miss out. Try a new hobby, it’s absolutely fine if you don’t like it. So try another one then. Truly discover what you like and don’t like and build a community around it. I didn’t know what I liked or disliked until I was at least 30. Even now I can’t possibly say that I like long, high hikes along the Pyrenees. Why? Because I haven’t done it yet.
Once you’ve built or joined a community around your likes and dislikes, learn to be happy with what you have, truly enjoy the community around you and discover the world around you even if it’s your local community. Enjoy the world for the moment. Challenge yourself. Truly start to enjoy your own company. Things will fall into place after that. The best things in life happen unannounced and when we least expect them. 🙂