How to better communicate with your partner

We suck at communication. We do, let’s face it. When it comes to relationships we are the worst of the worst. There has been no end of times where I’ve been on a date and my prospective other has sat there quietly letting me do most of the talking. Or me, letting my ego somehow run away with me a little, start dreaming up situations that I had, to impress her. That aside, we don’t communicate that well on a basic level in the first place, never mind when on a date.

Women have a super inbuilt detection system for anything untoward that becomes them or others. That’s why she always knows that there’s something up or there’s something “not right” with the whole situation. Or that you’re not telling the truth. I’d give that up now if you like to embellish the truth a bit, she knows. Give up. And if she doesn’t know she’ll have a sneaky suspicion. Women are emotional creatures. They’d rather listen to their heart than the factual truth that’s laid there 100% in front of them. If you make a woman feel good about herself then she’s yours forever.

Men, on the other hand, are the logicians of the world. Doing a complete 180-degree turn from women like to rely heavily on factual evidence and logical explanations and interpretations of the world. That’s why there are so many men in fields such as computers, building, and science. If you ask a man a question, expect a straight up and direct answer. No fluffiness, just, the answer. And that’s why us men absolutely suck with our emotions. From a young age, we are prepared and focussed on using our brains, where perhaps a little more care might be needed when it comes to interpreting our emotions.

And then you have the two of us, interacting. Men, from an entirely problem-solving world view. And women, looking at perspectives through their heart. Judging others on how well they made them feel. Almost makes you want to wonder who thought up this sick joke? But the facts are all there. Procreation does not lie. It’s how babies are made, and we evolve as humans.

It doesn’t need to be thought upon like this, though. It’s an entirely beautiful process. It would be wonderful if you had a good insight and idea of how we both work. Yes, and dating gurus and pick up artists would be out of a job. And when these people say that you need to be some meat-head, or sleeping with a thousand women is the way to go, it’s not. I guarantee you that women decode that bs daily. Similarly the same for women. Once you’ve snagged that guy under the techniques that these people tell you then that’s great. But after that, you need to show a little of yourself. And he has to as well. Aha! Not as Pride & Prejudice as you thought? Huh?

I firmly believe that there is someone out there for everyone. Everyone has a type. An attraction indicator. And everyone will attract someone. Yet I also believe that we should pick and choose. And also, wait for when the moment is right. A man shouldn’t be hunting for a woman when they don’t feel comfortable sitting for long periods on their own. And neither should a woman. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin is probably one of the best treats you can do for yourself. And it will result in healthier and happier relationships with everyone later in life.

So back to the subject. How can men and women communicate better? How can we solve this problem a little bit better so that we understand each other a bit more? Well, for starters:

Men can start saying “I feel [how you are feeling]” a lot more

Women should practise being more direct.

The amount of times I’ve had to guess how my wife is feeling is supremely unreal. I think I’ve actually narrowed it down to her being far more direct with me when I’ve annoyed her, or made her feel happy, or feel good about herself, or a ton of other things. She would often say, “You should know this” yet I’m sorry. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not emotionally intelligent like you are. I can’t interpret feelings and moods like you do (I can, but for this exercise we’ll say I can’t). And she’s stepped up. She now tells me when she needs something, wants something or that I’ve annoyed her over something. It helps me understand. Understand her far more than I used to.

And boy, at the start. Asking her out, The first kiss, The first time we had sex, when I moved in together with her. The same. She wanted it. But I had to guess it all. And. It was hard. For a man that was at the higher end of emotionally unintelligent at the time, it would have been easier if she helped me out a bit.

“Fancy coming to this fancy new restaurant with me on Saturday?” Not that hard, is it? Days of chivalry and gallantry are dead I’m afraid

“I would really like you to kiss me” all I need is a gentle push

“Come see my bedroom” all you need to do is ask

“Let’s move in together” Nothing hard there?

Ok. I’m not saying that you need to make all the moves because then your man lacks confidence. And, if that’s your thing then it’s all good. But a gentle nudge in the right direction by being a little more direct can help us out a great deal! It’s hard for us. As I say. We aren’t the greatest emotional communicators.

And men. Sheesh. We need to open up far more than hiding away in our little bear caves. Hiding our sorrows away from the world, not telling anyone. Even the people that see us naked daily. Open up, man. Say, “I feel happy today”. And then go a bit more risque and say, “I feel quite upset that you won’t let me say my piece in that argument and shut me off.” or, if you’re feeling completely uber manly brave then you could go all out and say, “I feel like crying because my friends shut me out yesterday, and I feel that I’ve lost one of them” if it applies to you of course. We need to open up far more than we let ourselves. Shutting our emotions out will only distance yourself from a healthy relationship with a woman.

“I feel sad that you shut me out too much” not that hard is it?

“I feel really good today” I love this saying!

“I wish you would stop telling me to do stuff because it makes me feel as if I want to shut off and not listen” another uber man style feeling for you there. Again, only if it applies to you.

So. To recap. Men, practise being in touch with your emotional side. “Being emotional” is good and shouldn’t be seen as a weakness. And women, get to the point. Tell us like it is and don’t expect us to know or beat around the bush.

Get a handle on both of those and you’re sorted for life!!

Hope you enjoyed. Thank you for reading how to better communicate with your partner 🙂

how to better communicate with your partner
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I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Well said – like you say, being clear about feelings it really isn’t that hard – it just seems like it. I have to say though, I don’t blame men for getting confused when ‘leave me alone!’ means anything BUT that! 🙂 Or when you ask a woman what’s wrong and she says ‘I don’t want to talk about it!’

    How is a young man, inexperienced with females, meant to figure out that she really means, ‘I DO want to talk about it and this is gonna be a loooong night!’

    So you are absolutely right, us women DO need to get to the point and stop making a guessing game out of communication. My husband and I are old enough to have figured all that stuff out from past relationships and oh my goodness, life is SO good when you ‘get’ each other’s emotions loud and clear – we have not argued at all in our 15 year marriage.

    Great post!

    • Thank you Gilly! It’s really nice to hear you say that. I’ve been married for nearly 9 years now, and it’s where I’ve learned all this from. Studying my wife intensively. Hah 🙂

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