Are you ignoring your intuition? And why that’s bad for you

I’ve always felt as if intuition was a female word. My Mum said it, my Gran did, but never the men of my family. Grandad never stood up and said,

“oh, my intuition tells me that..”

Neither did my uncles.

Only the females of my family, and I sort of wonder if we’re brought up as a society to think that only females have intuition. We’d be dead wrong if we ever thought that only females were highly intuitive. I mean I know that I keep saying women are highly instinctual and intuitive because of their raw acceptance, and direct attachment to their emotions, whereas men shun them and run away from anything emotional. Yet, even if we run away from them, hide them, beat them down with a hammer, they still happen. We still have those moments when we are so acutely aware of everything that’s going on around us no-one would believe me if I told them.

Being aware happens in those moments when, in the moment, anyone feels absolutely anything from an encounter that you’ve had. It could be an extremely nice one with a woman he’s been attracted to for years, and it leaves him feeling a raw attraction, or a mutual togetherness from the encounter. A deeper than normal connection. If he’s feeling it, she will be too. Communication is synonymous and we generally feel each others feels in the moment. It’s also when he walks away after talking with his friend, but feeling badly uncomfortable, even after nothing untoward was said. It’s generally the emotions that appear, in the moment, in direct communication with one another. The mind may not be aware, but the body certainly is. How do you think we communicated before we started to use language to one another? We needed to communicate somehow.

And yet it’s also the time that our modern age minds interfere with everything. Unless we’re highly trained to look for and observe these things then we walk around thinking,

“oh, that feels uncomfortable”

but not knowing anything about the experience. And in this confusion our minds try to process the unknown feeling through a plethora of social, parental, economic and political experiences. Let’s take a closer look at the intimate encounter in the last paragraph. One may observe the deep connection with the woman as a normality because woman normally love him. His reasoning stemming from a lifetime spent around insecure and empathic women that won’t speak up and tell him what they really think. Whereas another man may see that encounter as his soulmate, his one true love. His reasoning stemming from a lifetime of being marginalised, never forming any good bonds with a woman, and thus, the first woman to notice him would be like a rare orchid sprouting once every twenty years on the Himalayan mountain tops.

Both would be entirely wrong though, because us as men, and a lot of women too, spend a lifetime listening to our minds than watching and understanding what happens within our bodies and our feelings. The first encounter with a woman would have been the result of a close bonding with two people that share the same interests and concepts and are interested in each other intimately, thus forming that deeper than normal connection. It could happen with a number of potential partners. If you take a step back and examine life in the broader sense there are millions of people that are right for each other, but because you can only be in one place at any given time then that limits those that we can interact with. So in conclusion, women do not generally love a specific person because tastes and preferences vary wildly, and for every man, there are many, many potential partners. The internet should have taught you this by now! Ha! (in-house joke. I was once a serial internet dater).

And us men, we cower away from the emotional as if it was a nasty monster that we would hide under the bed from when we were four. We’ve shunned emotions, feelings, intuition and acceptance of these things for so long we’ve forgot what it’s like to just sit there and trust what we feel. I know, I once told myself so hard that a woman I knew wasn’t interested in me that it almost gave myself a twitch. Brain v Intuition again. I was a young, good looking, healthy lad that had many offers from pretty ladies. The problem was that I had been told from my Dad since I was born that I was a worthless piece of shit. That I would never amount to anything, and that anything I ever did was never good enough, that I would fail before I even started. And that completely severed mind from emotion; the voice of my Dad telling me that no-one would be interested because I was worthless.

He was wrong with everything, though.

And I bet you as you read this there’s probably a few issues that you’ve carried on into your adulthood from your parents that dictate what happens when you communicate with others. Be that in singledom, long term relationships, or Marriage. Take my wife for example, her Mum is italian and a normal run of the mill family meal is a big event, we talk, we laugh, we communicate. I’m not saying that it’s an issue but she certainly carried it over. Me? I come from a Scottish family of coalminers and electricians, I scoff my food at 100 mph and say nothing. Neither are wrong, it’s diversity at it’s most beautiful, but our parents have shone through in us.

My largest turn in life was when I started over. When I completely wiped my slate clean. Not just when I lost my job and retrained, but when I stopped listening to those toxic voices in my head. I just retrained my entire life from scratch. I sat myself down and said,

“Right, obviously what I’ve learned thus far is rubbish and unhelpful. Time to wipe the slate”

And I started forging bonds with people that were interested in my growth rather than striking my confidence down. It’s funny, that was the first thing I did. I weeded out those that only had bad things to say about me, or didn’t hold me in high regard. I found most of my friends were like that. And the funny thing is, I don’t even think they understood that they were like that. Nevertheless, I wasn’t interested in bearing the brunt of the worlds problems on my shoulders whilst I was trying to recover. So I ditched them like hot rocks. Also it was interesting to me the friend circles I had, that after ditching unhelpful people I had very few friends left, that stuck to me like glue.

The bonds I forged with new and exciting peers were instrumental to my growth, I learned new and fantastic ways to narrow and hone in to my empathic abilities, to create strong boundaries for those that previously disregarded them and weak ones for those that I was comfortable enough to let in. I also learned to truly commit to a woman, and let her in completely. Something that I had never, ever done before. And I will say it’s quite an electrifying experience. And from there I learned to trust my intuition. That what I feel is more truth than what I’m thinking. It just is. The body knows exactly what’s happening even if the mind doesn’t. And once you start to fully trust your instincts it’s like a co-joining. When for the first time ever, your mind and body fully align. It’s a weird experience, but I feel both are connected now.

But it’s hard and frustrating at the start. This I know. To take that special leap and trust yourself completely when everything, everywhere tells you that everything you do is implicity wrong. Take the media for example, it’s always telling us we’re too overweight, too ugly, too small, too thin, too white, too black, too aggressive, too much like a doormat. It’s a mind-fuck. We couldn’t trust ourselves to do anything without having some product or special guru to tell us how to do anything. And I get it. To buck that trend, to say inwardly, no thank you, I’ll go with my instincts on this one, is a heavy burden to bare, because most, if not all of it, goes completely against the grain of society. To trust oneself implicitly, love unconditionally, and respect everyone is to completely say “fuck you” to everything we know.

We’re broken. Media everywhere tells us so. I don’t think it’s a planned thought either, it’s more so a side effect of a marketing solution that focuses on what’s wrong with us rather than what’s great about us. Products everywhere solve problems to solutions, but greed gets in the way. Marketers push products through fear and abandonment,

“Never be left dateless if you buy our new face cream”

Chances are you’d have had the same result before and after the face cream. But that fear, the initial fear of being dateless, urges people to buy it. Which in itself isn’t a bad thing, I mean some face creams are really nice. But it sends us a subliminal message.

That we’re broken.

How can we trust ourselves if we’re all broken?

That’s why it’s hard to take that initial step into trusting your own instincts, trusting oneself fully. If you haven’t been taken in by the negativity of everything, it sure as hell has a negative impact  on your friends. And guess what? They influence you too. Regardless if you’re head honcho of the pack or not.

So take that step. Switch off your brain for a while and just see where your body takes you. Rather than think,

“Nah, there’s no way she meant that”

Go with how you felt in the moment when you were talking with her, or how your friend made you feel in the moment. Stop reverting back to your mind which is completely polluted with a whole tirade of useless stuff, and it will convince you of something different. Go with the gut. Gut trumps. And then once you’re in tune with your gut start using your mind to assess and recognise the feelings that you get.

Oh and you’re going to fuck up. That’s for sure. I have too. Trust me, I have. And some big style fuck ups too!

But alas, you learn by what you’ve failed at and that’s a top class learning curve. Don’t think,

“ah, I failed, I’m no good at this.”

More so think,

“ok, what can I do differently next time to better this experience?”

And then you have it sorted!

Are you ignoring your intuition? And why that’s bad for you

Are you ignoring your intuition
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I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

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