The nice guy bootcamp
Ok. So you’re hearing from everyone that you’re a “nice guy” and you’ve always heard that nice guys finish last. Well, unfortunately my friend they tend to always finish last. That girl that you’re SO close with and secretly in love with? She’ll never date you and here’s why. Dating you would be like dating one of her girlfriends. You tell her what she needs to hear, you tell her that she’s an amazingly beautiful person that any guy would be a fool not to go out with. So why haven’t you asked them yet? Does that make you a fool? Well, maybe slightly emotionally challenged and scared of any conflict whatsoever. Not a fool, nope, you’re no fool Mr. in fact did you know that nice guys are usually amongst the best and brightest of society? Ok, so some bitch/douche is calling you a “nice guy” and that you’re horrid person, etc etc – always great to know the absolutely perfect and flawlessly perfect people in the world, right? haha. He who casts the first stone ‘n all that.
So here is my bootcamp of getting out of Nice guyness – it’s not a good thing by the way, it’s not healthy nor condusive to building healthy natural relationships with other people. But if you think you’re happy as you are, that’s absolutely fine.
1) Please read my Signs you’re being Mr nice guy
2) If you feel this is you then please, first and foremost arrange with a professional some counselling or therapy. There is obviously a whole barrel-load of shit in your life that you’re just keeping to yourself. Let it out. Be a man, talk with someone.
3) Learn. My first ever books I read were by Alan and Barbara Pease. Read them, take it in. learn why we are actually SO different in gender.
4) Another great book on the nice guy condition is “No more Mr Nice Guy” – please don’t read this before going into some therapy. If you read it like I did without some form of support you’re likely to lose all confidence in women. This isn’t good. Women are awesome!
5) Learn to take accountability for your own actions and decisions. The first time that you admit to yourself that the mess in front of you is entirely your own fault and there is absolutely no-one else to blame, is a good moment. Embrace it, and then sort that shit out!
6) Get a hobby. I say this a lot, and yes, it’s a theme in this blog. Having a hobby is detrimental for shifting your focus elsewhere. It also helps with any obsessions that you may be feeling. I started with photography, then I went on to digital photography. Actually, for me this is extremely satisfying and gets me out of my current train of thought for several hours a week. You can also do other things like gaming online and such. Did you know that gaming online increases your logical thinking 10 fold? I know that through experience 🙂
7. Absolutely learn to stop giving people things in the hope of a favour at a later date. Give unconditionally, and expect no return. That also includes friendships. Also, learn to absolutely ask directly when you need help, and embrace the help you are given. You will also learn that people will give you things unconditionally too.
8) Learn to accept people as they are. If they say no, it means no. Also stop trying to control the situation so being nice to them in the hope that they will change their mind is a no, no.Let go of that control. The only person you can control is yourself, learn to embrace that.
9) Stop any form of drug abuse. I’m not a believer in any form of unprescribed medication which includes alcohol so if you’re doing this to excess then it will seriously hinder your progress. But only you can make that choice! I’m not the drug Police – I’m cool with it if you are.
10) Learn to manage conflict. I remember being a nice guy and just wanting it plain sailing all the way. A huge part of life is conflict management. You’re going to come across it and come across it a lot. You don’t need to be an arsehole, just stand up for what you believe in and don’t let people dictate to you. If you want to do it then cool. if not, then don’t. And tell them why. Sorry, I don’t want to do this. No means No 🙂
10) Lastly never stop analysing yourself and changing for the better. Never listen to people that say they’ll never change for a woman. in fact, thinking about it, never listen to anyones advice unless you want to. So, never be pressurised into anything you don’t want to do. Just don’t do it.
Ok. I think that’s enough – or at least that’s all I can think of for now. Thanks for listening and more to come soon 🙂