Men lie because they are afraid of the consequences. Why does anyone lie? You can think what you want but at base we lie because we think the outcome will be better than if we tell the truth. That’s all it is on the surface; we lie because we’re afraid, we lie because we don’t like the perceived outcome and consequences of what we’ve done. It’s silly really, perhaps we could argue that we shouldn’t have been doing whatever it was that made us lie, but there we are, life wasn’t made to be simple.
You see, men lie because we weren’t told at a young age that too feel bad is perfectly natural. That all these negative emotions spiralling us out of control is an effect of whatever bad circumstances we’ve found ourselves to be in. At school, if we’re scared, we’re told to “man the fuck up,” or if we want to cry on the playground because our lost little souls hurt more than we can bare keeping the stiff upper lip, then we’re kicked even harder. Onlookers laugh and jeer and taunt as we cry even harder, and, eventually, those tear ducts dry up and are replaced by a empty glaze of emotionless roboticness as we tie our emotions so close to our heart that even we can’t see them.
Men that have found themselves in lots of fights in High School, me, being one of them, most of us will have worked out that it is better to just keep the peace than to fight out our differences. Some will take to other avenues to beat those emotions down so that they never resurface and ever get us in trouble again. My emotional crutch was alcohol, I’ve seen others that have taken to drugs, and I’ve lost a few friends to hard drugs in the past. Men don’t have it easy when it comes to processing our emotions, and it’s not as if we can talk to each other about it either. I love the way women openly share things with their friends, yet men don’t, and if they do I expect that most of it is really embellished. I recall telling a few of my friends the awesome time having sex with a particular woman was, and yet, truth be known, I was scared, and it was a bit of a fumble in the dark. I didn’t really fully connect with my sexuality until at least 33.
When you’re asking yourself why men lie; maybe it’s causing you a lot of frustration right now,perhaps the men you know are all compulsive liars? Whatever the case it’s because we were taught from a very very young age that emotions were something to be surpressed, that emotions were woman-like and anything touchy-feely is feminine, and booo femininity, that stuff is just girly and weird. We lie because we just don’t want to deal with it, plain and simple. Strong emotions to us are scary and we’ve never dealt with them or trusted them or even said hello to them, so perhaps that’s why.
That’s also why we’ll hear a lot men having two women on the side. Of course, we certainly don’t like the consequences and we obviously want two slices of the same pie, yet, I feel there would be a lot more hoesty in male circles when it came to infidelity if we could process our emotions healthier. A man might perhaps finish with his partner first before seeking alternatives, rather than doing the bog standard seeking out others whilst he’s attatched. It’s because we’re scared of our emotions when the consequences start to play out.
I’ll admit, I was once a compulsive liar. It may be hard to imagine me lying about everything and anything but I was bitterly scared of any sort of consequence that may involve emotion whatsoever. I’ll say that it eventually made my life incredibly hard; constantly treading on eggshells and avoiding conflict wherever I went. It seemed the more I avoided conflict the more it sought me out. I would pretend to my friends that I was this awesome person; often recounting fables of my awesome deeds, but the euphoria would never last long when I had to find another lie to back up the one that I told before. Never wanting to hold myself to account, never wanting to process those emotions.
You could say it’s why all of us lie really. In my lifetime I have met women like this too, lying just for the sake of it, or lying to cover up a past transgression. They are there too, but because us men are scared to talk about things; finding out your female partner has had sex with twenty others whilst you’ve been together is much harder for a male to admit than a female. Women will tell their friends, and those will tell theirs, until the story will be sufficiently passed around. Men will keep it to themselves, maybe offering the information up to another female, but never their friends. I only know of me that’s been fucked over in the past, but I’m sure there are many, many, many more cases.
It is more common, though, to hear of men lying, because of childhood, friendships and workplace models. Men need to be seen as strong and powerful beings, and, for most of us it’s hard to slip out of that persona when we are relaxing with our female counterparts at night.
Give us time though, get us to talk about things, openly share your stories with us in an attempt on getting us to share ours. Talk feelings! It takes time, but I’m sure you’ll get there if he’s open enough to change.