10 things fathers should learn to do with their Sons
I didn’t have a father growing up. There were men that my mother dated here and there but never really solidified themselves in our lives. One or two did but unfortunately the passion petered out, or sadly one of them died. You see, I grew up not really knowing how to properly love myself. By this I mean I didn’t have any man in my life to show me how to REALLY be a man. Take care of myself, be myself, chase girls, make mistakes and show me how to deal with them. I had none of that. None of that at all.
It’s a wonder really because when Alex was born I would say I’ve been on my own journey, my own learning curve too. I’ve shown Alex a lot in life so far and in turn I’ve learned a lot from him too. For instance I could be on the autistic spectrum. I realised this by observing the behaviours in Alex that were highly visible in myself too. My wife suspected, but didn’t say anything until I was ready to talk about it. No-one is really ready to talk about stuff until, well.. they’re ready. They’ve accepted the situation for what it is.
I’ve evolved a lot being a Father; and I know I blog a lot about changing and growing up through introspection. But I can quite honestly say having a child was probably the biggest shock to the system but simultaneously the largest happiness in our life. I can honestly say that it has changed us on a neuro-level.
So Fathers, I’m going to bless you with some of the things I’ve learned along the way. Some things that society gets wrong that can be overturned. We need to teach our Sons (and daughters) to be their own person(s). Seek out their own individuality and run with the wind.
10 things fathers should learn to do with their Sons
1 Give your son a hug, a kiss and tell him that you love him. Every day. After an argument or when he’s done something awesome. Literally all the time!
2 Your Son will occasionally mess up. After all, he’s like you! Not perfect. Don’t point out what he’s done wrong constantly – nurture him. When his punishment is over tell him that sometimes we make mistakes and as long as we don’t do them again, it’s all good.
3 Apologise to your spouse in front of him whenever you’ve messed up! He will be a big “you” when he’s older.
4 Apologise to him when you mess up. There’s nothing wrong with admitting when you’re wrong. Choose to lead the way for your son
5 When he cries, don’t call him a baby. Instead take him in your arms and tell him it’s ok to cry when you’re mad/angry/upset
6 Treat your partner the way you would like your Son to treat his future partners. He will mirror absolutely everything you do when he’s older. Trust me on that one.
7 Talk to your Son. Let him cry on your shoulder, let him be happy, make him laugh and smile. And more importantly show him the emotions that he’s having right now are absolutely OK with you
8 Your son is not responsible for your happiness. Let him fly free, don’t burden him with your problems.
9 Teach him stuff. Show him new things, let him experience the world with you. Don’t squash his thirst of knowledge by telling him to shut up. Let him get a proper thirst for the unknown. Teach him to never be satisfied with one question and one answer.
10. And finally. Give strong boundaries. Show him that with big mistakes come harsh consequences, like in real life. Never, ever, ever hold it against him though. You were young once. Look at all the stupid stuff you did!
Annd that’s it. Obviously this list isn’t finite and there are plenty more empowering things you can do with him. It’s all I could come up with at 22:45 on Saturday night! Goodnight! Have a nice tomorrow 🙂
