I was the absolute King of no confidence back in the 90’s and early 00’s. I’d be the little shy guy lurking in the corner waiting for someone to come over and speak to me. Seriously, I was adverse to rejection as water is to fire. How did I overcome this? Well, I did what every unconfident-20something-guy does. Ram a whole load of beer and vodka shots down my neck and then ask the girl I liked out. Exceeept, it didn’t always used to come out like that – rather I would fall over myself and ask her for a shag. The result? A red slap-mark on my face. Lovely. And I used to blame the world for my problems, sheesh. lol
It wasn’t until I stopped drinking alcohol that I realised there are ways in which you can ask women out on a date respectfully and confidently without the need for filling myself up on a shedload of booze. Actually, you just need to get out of your comfort zone a little bit more and that’s it. You see big solid guys with no confidence issues asking women out all the time. Their secret? Well, they’re just as nervous but they’re used to managing their nerves a little bit better than you. Why? Because they put theirselves out of their comfort zone now and again. It’s cool bro, you’ll get there, just give it time. Start with little steps like doing something you wouldn’t normally do. Anyway, on with the show.
I can’t stress being yourself enough. If you’re nervous then that’s fine, if your hand shakes when you’re nervous that’s also fine. Whatever happens it’s fine. Because at the end of the day you are you and no amount of ability will change that. If you put on loads of fakeness she’ll know. Women have a better sense for situations than us men, I don’t know why, it just is. If she says no then whatever you do don’t fret. It just means that you both weren’t compatible and you should move on with your life. Onto the next lady to ask out! There is no such thing as “omg she was the only one for me” when there is literally a plethora of women out in the world. You’ll find one. Don’t worry. Abundance, keep thinking abundance.
Don’t pull a cheesy one liner
Nothing has women rolling their eyes more than when some bloke comes over and says, “Get your coat luv, you’ve pulled” you’ll more than likely send them running for the exits in the opposite direction from you. Not only are they sexist, but you come across as sexist by saying them.
Maintain a fine line
Maintain a fine line with being open and just downright creepy. I had a friend once who’s balls swung so damn low he more than likely had to carry them around in a wheelbarrow from time to time. By this I mean he was super confident. I saw him once go and sit beside a group of girls and start talking to them – you could see it on their faces that they were disgusted by his intrusion, yet he sat there, talking away until he realised he was getting nowhere. In my opinion this is just creepy. There are social rules that you need to abide by, and even if you think they’re stupid chances are other people will not. Be open and let everyone in to your circle and vice versa just don’t be creepy and intrusive!
Maintain common ground
Chances are you’ll know the girl you’re going to ask out. Just don’t approach her and ask “wanna go out sometime” that’s just socially inept. The amount of times I’ve done this bears not thinking about but I eventually got the hang of it. Ever heard of steering the conversation? Or guiding it? “Oh, if you like coffee then why not come and join me some time at Starbucks?” but of course you would need to steer it to a conversation about coffee. It’s also a good way to pry too. See what she likes and dislikes.
Be sober when you do it. Please
You may think alcohol is the easiest way to loosen you up but it’s also the easiest way to slow your reflexes, thinking power, and tranquillise your nervous system. Chances are you’ll come across as a massive douchebag if you’ve had a few. Stay away from the alcohol, or the drugs for that matter because not only will you be the best representation of yourself, but you’ll be able to remember where you went wrong last time and perfect it.
That’s it for today. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this!