I remember being a young virgin lad at school. In fact, it wasn’t until I had left school and was well into my 18’s that I lost my virginity. It was strange; in my head I was one of the last people to lose it in my entire year. Quite embarrassing when it comes to social status in popular circles. Yet looking back that wasn’t the case at all, most people by the time they have left school haven’t made the plunge yet. And those that tell you they have are just spinning tall tales anyway. Losing your virginity is a BIG deal. For men and for women; regardless what anyone tells you.
Can you remember your first time? I think everyone does. Unless you’re with a super experienced older partner I think it’s usually a quick fumble and two pumps and a squirt for the man, and a slightly bloody experience for the woman when their hymen gives way. Maybe I’m judging everything by my standards but my first time wasn’t a great experience. And everyone I talk to say the same; if they’re honest enough and their ego doesn’t take over.
Sex when you’re young
Sex is a funny thing in your younger years, it’s pumped up, blown out of proportion, stereotyped, main streamed and glamourised. Take porn for example. At one point in my life I can shamefully admit that I thought porn was reality sex, when in actual fact most porn is very masculinised, aggressive and demeaning to women. If we aren’t educated by our parents on normal, healthy sex then we form our own assumptions of what sex is. It can go either way really.
It’s a social minefield. There are people who base their social worth on how many sexual partners they have had, people that have long term partners but use other avenues to fill their desires, infidelity, aggressiveness, people who just take it anyway, people who love too much, or too little or people who just can’t get excited in the act. There are just so many topics and genres it bears not thinking about!
Meet someone worthy
Ever since I met my wife I’ve learned what mind blowing sex means and is. Beforehand, sex to me was a means to an end. Perhaps because to me I needed to have a release so I would fulfil my needs. Wham, bam, thank you mam. There was very little feeling or emotion involved. In fact sex to me was a very physical activity, I just couldn’t see why sex could be anything other than just sex. Perhaps it was because I hadn’t been truly emotionally connected with anyone yet.
You see, when there is an emotional connection with someone you truly love; when you can see yourself as a dottery old man making your wife sandwiches so she can go on a day trip with the over 80’s club, sex can be empoweringly brilliant, sex is a togetherness, it is an emotional connection between two people that you can lose yourself for eternity in. It is a deep trust and respect for your partner and yourself that will last until one of you are on their death bed and beyond.
Like what you read?
Does that sound like a great way to be? Are you wishing to achieve the same with your partner? Then thankfully I have a little list of things I changed about my life. Please see below.
Trust: Trust is the foundation of any relationship. It’s the fabric that weaves and binds your togetherness. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Be honest with your partner. Tell them deep stuff you haven’t told anyone before, things that scare the shit out of you, things that terrify you, and things you want to achieve and get to when older, no matter how far fetched they may seem.
Porn: Get rid, stop watching, don’t watch. Porn can be erotic to watch but it glamourises women, gives you unrealistic perceptions of what women should be and do in the bedroom! And more importantly it actually dulls the senses to the actual act. And also the emotional connection between you and your lover in the bedroom. (i.e. stop enacting your favourite scenes in your head whilst having sex)
Openness: If your partner angers you tell them, and equally encourage your partner to tell you what pisses them off about you. Try to stop doing it, show them that you are constantly making an effort to try and make them happy.
Listen: So you like football, that shouldn’t give you the excuse to ignore what she is saying. Similarly with Eastenders! Your man is equally important.
Actively Listen and Open up: Women love to talk about their feelings. Listen to her and talk actively about them. Why don’t you share some of yours too? How do you feel today? Why do you feel like this? It’s ok to cry you know!
Respect: Never ever ever don’t take your partner seriously. When they tell you something it always means something. Ask why and talk to them about it.
Communicate openly in bedroom: What do they enjoy? Do they like what you’re doing? Why not? What would they like you to be doing instead? Do you like that? Oh yeah, right there! Tell them.
Follow in my footsteps
Hopefully that handy list should start you on your way. I make it all sound like childsplay but it’s incredibly difficult to change and take this all on board. But I have absolute faith in you – have a try! You may surprise yourself.
Thank you for listening,