Ever wondered “Why can’t I communicate with my spouse?” I have. In an attempt to research marriage communication skills, I opened up my Facebook profile today for a large discussion with my friends about what annoys them most about the other sex (preferably the sex they partner up with). It was quite a surprise to me that an overwhelming amount of women in resounding agreement with each other that us men like to jump into things far too fast without thinking, whereas women like to think, plan and act. A really good example would be when men go off to buy clothes, we go to the nearest clothes shop and buy clothes. Same with grocery shopping, we just like to go to the nearest shop that fits our needs and get it done.
Not in woman world! They like to check in every shop, every discount store, every corner shop, every shop that might hint that sells clothes so they can find a good deal, and then maybe buy something off the cuff that’s a steal. Granted, there are a few exceptions but I can count on two fingers those that I know that could be excused and that’s not many.
I think it’s built into our genetic make-up, to be chivalrous, to just dive right in, head first, into the mess and think later. I guess this is how we survived in the wild because if we stood back and thought how and why we were going to fight the massive Elephant we probably wouldn’t! Haha. Ok, So, I’m going to write some tips for men, and some tips for women. How about that? Good? Ok! Effective communication in marriage here we go!
Advice for Men: I can’t communicate with my wife!
There are many ways you can tackle your spontaneousity but please, whatever you do, don’t tackle this if you’re single. Accepting danger and being spontaneous is how she sticks with you in the first place. You’d never make the first move otherwise. You’d think it through too much, and you’d eventually become a dreaded nice guy!
I’m an absolute cavalier when it comes to making decisions. My wife will say, oh, can you just do an Amazon search for me on toys for Alex, and I’ll buy the first thing that pops up. She’d get really mad, and also mad that I made the decision without her. However, I am managing to withdraw a bit.
You see, guys, when we have our women suitably snagged and they’re deeply involved with us, they want to be involved in the decision making and like you to listen to them too. Although it may seem incredibly hard at first to abstain from just diving in there without any warning. You’re going to have to adapt, learn to hold back and accept that there are two of you now with two opinions and you need to sit back and properly analyse them both before you go ahead and do it (whatever “it” is). Learn to properly listen to her.
And that’s it. Hold back, and listen. She’s making allowances for you, why shouldn’t you do the same? 🙂
Advice for Women: How to communicate with a husband who will not
Hello ladies. I think what we need here is to just give us (men) time to adapt to our surroundings. Unfortunately this may take months, or years depending how much of a hard time you give us about it. I think the main thing here is to communicate to your lovers that decisions and going ahead and doing them are important issues, and whilst in a relationship they need to be discussed, however big or small. You’ll also get the idea pretty quickly that if your man isn’t kept in check he’ll run away with himself – and quite quickly too. Perhaps try to reel him in with some fun marriage communication exercises.
I’m not making excuses for my gender here but you’ll have to realise that all through life up until now we’ve been making on the spot judgements and jumping head first into the Alligator pit. Our idea is that we’ll deal with the fallout when it happens! So you’ll possibly have to consistently remind your man that there’s two of you in the relationship and you both have to come to an agreement before you move forward. This is STILL happening to me now. But I have been previously single for 27 years and my habits may be slightly more ingrained than anyone else’s.
If you’re with a man that’s had several long term relationships and he’s wise to this then you’re doing OK sistah! Keep it up. 🙂
All in all relationships are pretty tricky anyway. It’s a lot of give and take, and after the initial exciting honeymoon phase that’s when the real test of togetherness comes into play. Just discuss your feelings openly and honestly, make sure your partner understands how you feel and what you want at all times and you’ll be well on your way to discovering how to improve communication in your marriage.
Hope you enjoyed this piece 🙂