The Problem of Finding a Soulmate, and How I believe it can be overcome

Melissa–I am expecting an updated version of this and will email you when I get it.

by Stan Valentine

Despite being just a young man, I feel I have already come to face the issues we are bound to encounter. Societies’ expectations, compounded with our own pre-requisite specifications of whom we believe we desire, makes the utopian idea of an enriching relationship somewhat ludicrous to ourselves upon reflection. In addition, we face the infinite variable of time and place which dictates who we meet, and when we meet them, or more importantly if we ever meet them at all. This then shrinks the ‘plethora’ of 3.5 billion other-halves (or however you align yourself sexually) to a minute fraction of what it theoretically could be. Resultantly, I sit here coming off the back of something where I truly felt the likelihood of any ‘success’ was next to none, yet I happened to overcome the variable of time and place which separates us so severely. We found ourselves at totally different points in life, and to even fantasise of a future was far-fetched for me, and I could bet that same thought was something she wasn’t even allowing herself to think. However, due to total difference in circumstance, this viewpoint was fully justified. This is because the situation of each person must be symbiotic for the relationship dynamic to flourish into a genuine bond, irrespective of how much they are willing to make it work, though if they are from other reaches in life, or are from hard-to-identify backgrounds or cultures of any kind, the cementation of this bond is made extremely tricky.

However, whether it be that you met someone whom you truly cared for, but logistically, mentally or physically, you were prevented from being with them any longer, this does not mean the end. I believe that whilst maintaining an outlook of positivity and optimism, the roll of the dice we face in life is a case of chance, which can go both ways. Some are fortunate enough to almost stumble upon the love of their life with no relationships prior to their meeting, but for the most of us, that dice must be rolled again, and again. You will all face adversity in this battlefield of emotion and heartbreak to varying degrees, but I have a perfectly feasible idea that if we use these things to drive us into positivity, then the element of chance will eventually fall in our favour. Meanwhile, we get to enjoy all the other fruits of life such as culture, entertainment and social bonding to the fullest, with the probability of a healthy, love-rich relationship morphing closer to an eventuality.

This is not at all to say that we should not take time to reflect on our past, mourn the happiness that has come to a demise, totally cast away the chance of re-uniting but it is in fact the outlook that these situations are a new beginning. Foundations of morality, empathy and all other things key to solving the problem are being constructed and refined within yourself as an individual, and they only prepare you better for when that special someone reaches you.

Shed a tear, learn from what takes place, work on yourself, and then embrace the time when life gives you another roll of the dice. If you are ready, you can indulge in your fortuitous circumstance, and if you are not, then when who you thought could be the one parts ways, try to see it in retrospect, learn from it, and better yourself for next time.

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Shawna Ayoub Ainslie

Shawna Ayoub Ainslie is a mental wellness advocate and writing coach in Bloomington, IN. She teaches writing through trauma for release and recovery to survivors and veterans through the Center for Creative Writing, Ivy Tech Community College, and Survive Your Story. Shawna is also The Relationship Blogger's Editor-in-Chief.

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