When he proposes
Imagine dangling from a cliff with one arm, at the bottom there’s a pit of volcanic molten rock, with super heat resistant alligators waiting to grab you and take you on a death roll if the lava doesn’t kill you first. It’s what asking someone that you love to marry you feels a bit like. I remember ten minutes before I was ready to ask her, I had purchased the ring, and had ideas of what I was going to say and everything, we had even talked about it, Marriage. We sat there, talking, months beforehand that we’d have to get Married. But talk is cheap, actions are everything. I’ve always been taught to mean what you say and actions speak louder than words. So ten minutes beforehand I was sweating, profusely, I didn’t deal with stress well, like everything in life I opted for the calmer option, and this, jumping out of my comfort zone wasn’t the best thing for me in my eyes. And it was crazy, because we knew it would happen, but there was me like a little scared puppy, ring in hand, excited and equally scared shitless.
Any man that tells you it was a breeze, proposing to his [now] wife is telling you big fat lies. It’s a death defying feat for us, because we put our pride, our ego, our feelings, everything on the line. We’re trying to tell you that we want to spend the rest of our lives with you. We won’t love another and our willies most certainly will not stray. For some men those commitments are more guidelines than rules, but for me they are part of getting married. Telling my wife that I’ll spend the rest of my life with her until I’m in a box, six feet under. It’s a scary commitment.
Men are more like big kids, we want to run wild with the animals, chase the latest piece of skirt and play fight with our friends. To open our lives up to a woman, and perhaps a child and then tell her we will do this no more is basically one of the greatest sacrifices you’ll get from a man. We’re born to run free acting like nothing has us tied down. Even from a primal perspective, after our children are born our reproductive systems still continue at full pelt. Our testosterone is always sky high. Now I’m not saying it isn’t natural to settle down with a woman, because it is, and he now views you as someone he would like to settle down with forever.
And this was me, sitting on the bus, ring in hand, weighing my life experiences over and over again, doubting that she will accept still in my mind. I must admit, it’s quite nerve wracking. Looking back my proposal was rather weak, I rushed in, full of excitement, got down on one knee and proposed to her whilst she was grating cheese of all things! Grating damn cheese! My proposal was different to say the least. She does say that she wouldn’t have it any other way, because I was being the truest form of myself back then and I was the guy that she fell head over heels with, and I can see that. Yet it always has me wishing that I had at least thought about it for a bit more before rushing to her like a big kid in a candy shop.
If it were me now it would be some grandiose statement of outward affection given that I’m more and more becoming a public exhibitionist, and I’m not scared of such either. Neither is she, being a teacher that she is allows for a certain element of public display, and I think she’d appreciate it, now. Because then again I would be ‘being myself’. And I think my wife had it right. I don’t think she expected much from me when, and if I proposed, only that I was being myself, the man that she totally fell head over heels with. She’s always been a connoisseur of the small things in life. And I appreciate that, because I am too. She still has the first hand made cards I made her when we had only been dating for a month or so. Aw 🙂
When he proposes