Why consent is important

Why consent is important

I was always a groper. Ever since I started to find women attractive I would reach my hand out and touch women in sexual places. As a young lad. I think it all started when I witnessed my Mums boyfriends groping her. I can’t be too sure, though. And, I’ve been groped too. At High School.

I must say I liked it, getting groped.

For Men, it’s something entirely different. We are visual and overtly sexual. When a lady gropes me it’s always been like, “Ooo.. yeah! Let’s get it on,” unless, of course, if I’m in a loving relationship. Then I smirk it off. By groping me it displays her sexual interest, or at least that’s what it feels like.

I remember when I stopped groping women. I realised that perhaps what I was doing wasn’t exactly the best way to do things. In fact, by doing so I was perceived as a bit of a douchebag. And perhaps not the biggest catch in the sea. I think her name was Marie, I can’t remember. But we were out partying one night and I groped her boobs. I was playing of course, to me, it seemed harmless, and, to a young boy that couldn’t express his feelings naturally, that I liked her. I assumed groping her would display this message without having to verbally communicate it.

The next thing I can remember was laying sideways clutching the floor like I was ready to fall into the sky, clutching my aching balls. I was in agony. I was laying there, wrestling with consciousness, not truly understanding what had just happened. I thank christ there was no blood. She had taken her pointed high heeled shoes and kicked me right in the knackers. And, damn well good on her. This is where my groping days ended. I was taught a harsh lesson that day, and one that I’m not going to forget in a hurry.

Young men don’t realise the effect their sexual actions has on a woman, or at least I didn’t at the time. To grope a woman you are effectively saying to her, “I’m doing this because I can, and you can’t stop me” and you’re asserting your dominance over her. You’re attempting to control her. It certainly is by doing it when she’s not in any relationship with you.

And if you’re a groper you’ll have witnessed the few reactions that are given. The submissive smile, palming you off into a subdued state, she’s not trying to rock the boat. Or, she might retreat quickly. One minute she’s there, the next, not.

My wife is like that. At the beginning of our relationship we were in a disco, we were still relatively young and at the age of partying, and some weird dude groped her whilst she was dancing with me. Her reaction was to grab me and get out quick. She’d rather I protect her and take her to safety than to cause a scene.

Or you can be dealt a blow like I was in my youth, a slap, a kick, a punch. Whatever the case, she’s going to hurt you and hurt you badly. With an object, her boyfriend or by herself. Good on this girl.

Women just don’t like being groped

And porn isn’t real

Men grope women for entirely selfish reasons. I love the feel of my wife’s breasts as I cup them gently in my hands and smoothly run the palms up to her neck. I just love the feeling. It arouses me. And she likes it too. But we have consented to this. We consented to this nearly 9 years ago at the beginning.

When you take consent out of the equation and a man gropes a random woman who do you think benefits from it? Think to yourself if you’re a man. Who does it feel better for? Does it feel better for the man? Or does it feel better for the woman? And who does the action benefit? Truly?

And the same can be said for the flashers, and the Internet dick pictures. Seriously? I remember when I saw my first dick picture on the internet that a woman friend of mine received. Yeah, they share them and laugh too. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Why someone would want to show something SO personal to someone they don’t even know, was completely beyond me. Beyond me. You’ll never find my dick pictures out there! I’m not stupid!

But back to the point, it’s another form of control. It’s another way of a guy, who probably lacks the amount of control they would like in their life, saying to a random woman, “I can do this to you.” And they get off on it. I’ve heard women say, “ewwww he sent me his willy pic, so gross” Yet it’s not actually for her.

It’s for him

He get’s off on what he’s done.

So the next time you see a willy pic from a random, or a friend(!) just tell them you didn’t get their file, or couldn’t view the picture, and delete it. Don’t let them have that control over you. Don’t let them see your reaction. It’s your reaction that they crave.

Perhaps porn isn’t enough anymore?

It’s anyone’s guess.

And that’s why consent is SO important. Touch others when you have consent to do so. It’s a far better feeling. Think of your own personal space? How far do you let random people close to you? My personal circle is quite close, random people can get up near, although no-one apart from friends and family get in my private space. I’m like that. And I expect you are too. Perhaps next time when you’re going to grope or send private pictures you might want to think about private space.

Again, Porn isn’t real. Women don’t drop their knickers for a random plumber. You shouldn’t allow random others to get to know you on such a private level immediately. Learn to respect your space, other peoples boundaries and then perhaps you won’t be viewed as a sleazefest, because women talk.

Boy do women talk

As soon as you’re pegged as a sleaze then you may as well move out of your friend circle my friend. Women aren’t going to see you in the same way anymore. So keep it in your pants and respect other people’s space. You’ll actually find you will have more offers on the table than usual, and, perhaps options from better women.

You never know,

Change can happen.

Why consent is important

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Raymond is a Mental Health activist and cryptocurrency enthusiast. He fuels his activism by taking to the web and trying to create core change in the way people interact. As an ex-Community​ Manager, Raymond has a unique approach to communication and relationships and believes the way forward in life is improving the interactions between one another. Raymond started his blogging activities as a way to heal from a chequered past, and through this, his blog has become something far more empowering than he ever imagined. And thus, The Relationship Blogger Magazine was born.

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