Why do men cheat on their partners? I have a good idea
My Dad was a serial cheater. If you’re asking yourself “why do men cheat instead of breaking up?” right now then you’ve come to the right place. I could have darkened the same path as him in my earlier years if I hadn’t had watched myself. You see, the life I was brought into with my Dad was one that few children experience, or at least few that I’m aware of. My father was a man that liked to have a wife at home, baking, cooking and doing the homely motherly things that good women do whilst he was off gallivanting with god knows who doing god knows what. And, there were several behind the scenes.
I’ll never forget the time he introduced me to his current girlfriend that he was seeing as his ‘mistress’. As a fourteen year old boy you just sort of accept that’s the rule of the land in life, that women could be mere objects to be used and abused as you see fit. Luckily I had my Mum. She never really understood why men cheat but she certainly drummed it into my head for later learning in life. I haven’t cheated once with anyone, and I don’t plan to. But I know a lot about it through my learning in life, so here goes my attempt:
He’s super insecure
This was once me. There was a time when I viewed my dad through golden goggles and watched in awe as he picked the ladies left, right and centre. I always thought he was super duper pooper confident.
Turns out he wasn’t.
Insecure men gravitate towards what makes them feel nice in the moment. Have you ever heard of other people or friends give the excuse for sleeping with another woman that they were going through a bad patch right now? Yeah, that’s hyper insecurity. Men that have a presence of stability stay and work through their issues with their partners regardless how they are feeling at the time. It’s the responsible thing to do.
My Dad was super insecure (a lot of men are). He didn’t like to have his eggs all in one basket. And me? I was super insecure too. In my younger years I was always gravitating to the women that made me feel whole in the moment. Luckily I was single though and didn’t have many commitments else I could have stirred up quite a bit of trouble for myself.
Why do men stray, you ask?
Because the grass is always greener
It’s becoming a more relevant problem in today’s age with technology and the fact that you can arrange another date at the click of a button when things aren’t going too well for you. I often worry about this. That we’re becoming a throwaway and reckless society hell bent on instant gratification rather than nurturing the long term effect.
Also something I’ve noticed with younger people, and people that watch far too much TV; they envisage a relationship like something out of a Disney movie and get all bent out of shape when the honeymoon period of a relationship calms down and you both relax into your normal roles. Sometimes people forget that a relationship needs to be nurtured rather than be in love all the time. It’s actually a hard experience – being together with someone constantly. It’s ‘really’ not like Princess Jasmine and Aladdin, regardless of what you think.
And often when the honeymoon period dies down this is where insecure men start to divert their eyes onto other fresher things. It’s a fairly sad state of affairs, but it is what it is, and a solid example of why guys cheat.
Don’t forget his penis
I’d love to tell you that my penis has got me into lots and lots of trouble before but it really hasn’t. And it’s because I was one of those kids that were super shy and scared of himself. But young men tend to think with their manhoods. It’s something that we learn in life along the way; not to mess with girls minds and so on. I’m no stranger to that act – there have been a few minds that I’ve messed with along my journey in life and I can’t say that I’m proud of it.
Some men just really don’t mature out of that mindset. I remember sitting with one man in my house whilst he told his girlfriend that he was going on holiday for a week and that he wouldn’t be around, only to have arranged to be holed up in his neighbours house for a week of passionate and sticky sex. He fully planned to keep his partner waiting for him after he got back though. He was a character, I tell you.
Remember and check yo’self – why do guys cheat on me?
Sometimes introspection is a good thing. A relationship is always a two way journey. I’ve had a lot of bad an failed relationships in my life and absolutely always I would just blame myself entirely for all that went wrong. But here’s the thing. Even though she ran into the arms of another man, or chose the life of celibacy for a good few years,
She still played her part in the breakdown between us, though.
One thing I super admire my wife for is that she’s always tried to get to the bottom of my thinking. She’s always known that communication isn’t surface level. There have been times when I’ve have pushed her away hard, but she’s always known there was a deeper meaning behind it all, and that I truly didn’t represent what I was saying. Sometimes it required that she take that communication to a deeper level. And that’s why we’ve always stayed together. Stuck steadfast. Didn’t run for a mile at the first hurdle.
And perhaps it may be time to analyse where it went wrong in your relationship? What events in both of your lives led to him running into the arms of another woman? If you’re asking yourself “why men cheat instead of breaking up?” then a great question to ask yourself is also what could I have done better?
No-one likes to face up to their mistakes – but sometimes we have to, to move forward
Men are far more emotional than they tend to let on. Even although we don’t show it we’re driven by our impulses and desires more than you may think. I had a friend, a female friend that constantly criticised her partner in front of others. We knew she treated him like her little slave, and in their relationship there were not much benefits for him. So when he cheated on her and upped and left all she did was constantly blame him. She didn’t think once to analyse her own behaviour at any point. She didn’t realise that she had emotionally beaten him into a pulp so that there wasn’t much left of him.
A lion he may have been, but there’s only so much people can take.
That was an extreme example, but do you catch my drift?
Sex could be an issue?
I’ve seen some men leave relationships because their partner refuses to have sex with them anymore, and it wasn’t like that at the start. I seem to think that’s a natural progression in some relationships but it needs to be outlined in here because it is an issue in partnerships. It’s a physical need for men, to have sex. If you started off screwing like bunny rabbits but you no longer have sex, perhaps it’s time to start spicing that up a bit? I’ve seen men pick up side-women before just because their wives were pregnant. I’m definitely not condoning this behaviour but it’s something that happens, and needs to be talked about.
Sex can become stagnant for some couples who’ve been together for a long time, and that’s a hard fact. Perhaps the man isn’t paying enough attention to his woman or the woman is just laying there like a mattress not engaging in anything. Perhaps it’s time to explore what turns you both on and run away with your passion. Do what he likes and vice versa! You never know, it may surprise you!
What about you?
Sometimes the easiest answers can be found through searching deep within yourself. Does this happen to you often? And if so, why? Do you surround yourself with these types of people in friendships and work? Why?
A bit of introspection goes down a treat. It can be hard to hear but it will help you in the long run. Take me for example. I was a young man that had at least three of his short term partners cheat on him. I took it to heart, I blamed them for cheating, they had no right to treat me in that fashion. I also blamed myself harshly for letting it happen.
What I realised though is they cheated because I wasn’t listening to them. I wasn’t mature enough to give them the emotional support that they were needing, and I wasn’t putting the effort in that I should have. All those things led up to those events. I mean I’m not totally to blame, but I do understand that I played my part.
Sometimes it just happens
Y’know, sometimes it just happens and no amount of searching on the internet will help with anything. There’s no rhyme or reason and sometimes people put themselves into awkward situations without knowing it. Sometimes there’s no possible way to blame yourself, the emotional connection is just gone.
Just remember that if you’re exploring the question “why do men stray?” then I would ask doing a fair bit of introspection, looking into yourself, and asking yourself questions like, ‘why does my partner cheat on me’ and so on. If, instead, your partner is female, read this article on why women cheat.
Hope this helps!