Why if don’t let him chase you he will never respect you properly
I’ve been slated for this opinion in the past, and I’ve been rather tentative about going forth with this one lately, but today I’m doubling down on this one. Mainly because I see it happening all around me. I’ve seen it happen to other people, and I’ve seen it happen to me. No amount of screaming at me will change the fact that I’ve observed it countless times in others, and I’ve experienced it on many occasions myself. If you don’t let him chase you constantly, then he’ll really stop respecting you at all.
This works both ways too, it’s important for a man to let a woman chase him as well, but I’m no woman, so I’ll leave it to those that have experience of being a woman to talk about that in detail. For now, I’m talking with my lived experience as a hot blooded male.
Let’s dissect what it is to feel like a man in a little more depth
Men enjoy mastery over most things they take their hands to. If say a man enjoys engineering then you will see him pulling apart and putting back together anything that looks broken. When I think of myself and my interest in computers, the first thing I wanted to do was to take pride, and ownership, and attest mastery over the section in computing I was interested in. When I was a mere pot washer in a greasy spoon restaurant — in my eyes, no-one could wash a plate as quick and as good as I could.
I’m sure most men, when running at optimal health, both mental and physical, will admit that there is a certain pleasure over mastering something; conquering it, being the best at it, trying to know everything there is to know about it. It’s what we do. It’s our instinct.
Put it this way, if you were helping a man to reach his potential in life, to enjoy his life, and be the best version of himself, then part of that would be implementing a hobby strategy and encouraging him to try and master the craft. It’s basically a way to allow a man to look back at his work or achievements and say,
“Wow, damn, I did that”
And encourage him to do more. And done right he’ll damn enjoy it. It’s allowing him to seek pride in what he does, knowing the lengths he’s had to take to achieve it.
How does that fit in? Are you trying to say that men should master women, and women should let them? That’s a bit sexist, isn’t it?
No. God no.
But thinking on the same level as the above, I’ll give you two very real scenario’s and then reflect a little on what I’m saying:
You walk into a bar, see a man you’ve fancied for a while, you walk up to him and say, “hey, let’s hook up.” From there you go home, and start a relationship and it’s all easy going.
After weeks of chatting you up, and trying to win your attention, you finally yield and let him date you. From there you go home, and start a relationship and it’s all easy going.
From which scenario do you think he’ll respect you more?
You’re probably thinking it’s a tough decision right now because we don’t know anything about them, there’s too much “what if’s” and “what not’s” to even make a judgement. How can I even ask this of you? But it’s OK, I’ll give you a hand with this. Let’s give you another story, which is similar to the last scenario in levels of effort:
He receive’s a free iPad in a raffle he bought a ticket for on the off-chance.
He really wanted an iPad so he saved all of his extra money from work, did without his nights out with his friends, and cancelled on the road trip he was going on, just to eventually buy the iPad.
Out of that scenario, which person do you think would respect their iPad more?
The penny may be dropping now, but it all boils down to the level of effort we spend on chasing our loved ones. We can put in a lot of effort, and cherish that which we have — or we can just, “receive it” and well, okay, we have it, but meh, whatever.
And this works with every. Single. Guy. I. Know. You can dress it up anyway you like but it’s tried and tested everywhere.
Take me, I was one of those “nice guys,” several years ago, and thankfully I was blessed with height and nice eyes. So women on occasion would approach me, and those that made everything easy for me, well, I didn’t think I needed to work for it, because she liked me anyway. I could do anything I wanted and it would be OK because, well… she liked me. Long story short, I walked all over their niceness and they got bored SUPER quickly.
It’s safe to say those relationships ended, and badly. Not that there were many of them but you get the idea. Many years before Natalie there was only one woman that ever made me do any level of work with her and I was almost destroyed when that ended. I think she was too. That lasted nearly a year — it was long distance, and perhaps I was living in a fantasized reality, but she still made me work for what I had with her, and it felt good. It felt different.
Do I stop letting him chase me after he has a relationship with me?
No. Never. Not on your nelly.
You make him work for what he has with you all the time.
What do I mean by work? Well, I mean you don’t be a doormat. You challenge him, you back him into a corner, you make him at least put up a reasonable fight for what he has — then he’s constantly winning you over.
Men will take the easy route all the time if given half the chance to make his life easier. If it’s calm and relaxing then chances are that will be the road that he will want to take. He wants a non-threatening, easy, and relaxing life — sometimes you should throw a spanner in those plans. Instead of letting him go on the easy route, make him work a little, challenge him a bit.
Only yesterday we fought over spending time with Alex. I needed to do something on here, whilst she wanted me to stop and play with Alex because she needed rest and he was getting bored. I wielded in the end, and it felt good afterwards that I did it, because it felt as if I was “trying to be a better husband” – if that makes sense, but I didn’t give up without a small argument.
On the other hand she could have said nothing, and I would have carried on, and not respected what she wanted because I didn’t know. And she would have been that little bit angrier inside.
So chasing him is a little different when you’re in a relationship. It’s basically just not being a doormat. Let him think he’s constantly winning you over by demanding things every now and again and making him give in to you. Men complain about it all the time to their friends, but secretly, subconsciously, if she isn’t communicating her needs every so often then he would get bored really quickly.
But don’t get too demanding of course, within every relationship there needs to be a lot of give and take. You need to give into his demands too every now and then! I don’t just bow down to Natalie every time. I’m quite a demanding S.O.B myself — the trick is to find that balance between give and take.
Nail that, and you’re onto a winner!