Edit: I’ve updated this article (17/10/2018) since I’ve noticed it’s getting a lot of traffic and I wanted to explain myself a little better as I am a better experience-based writer now!
Why its important to let HIM chase you
Speaking completely for heterosexual couples of course; I can’t speak for gay and lesbian couples as I have no experience with that!
As a younger male I was very shy. So shy that I was terribly risk adverse. I was too scared to take the plunge, to jump over the deep end and ask a beautiful lady that I liked out on a date. It happened many times, and if I did, I was generally drunk and it was completely the wrong moment which usually the moment would end up getting thrown back in my face and I’d end up hurting and blaming the world.
Safe to say I spent most of my teens and early twenties having girls asking me out, on dates, back to their place, wherever.
And that’s all well and good, I get that some ladies can be frustrated with the lack of approaches, and men that don’t talk to them, or just outright blank them. We do that too. Yes, Men, too, have bitch-face (and I’m sorry I use that word because I know it’s not PC, but I don’t know what else to use. Enlighten me!), and we try and discourage some of the ladies approaching us whatever reason.
And I get that you just want to go right out there and make your own choices, it’s great, it’s what the world should be like. Women should have as much freedom as men do, I totally get that. But men are wired pretty strangely, I know that because I am a man. If you do all the work and chase us then we’re going to relax a bit and think, “Hey, this is easy, this lady is happy with very little”
No matter what your relationship – never let your man think you’re easily pleased because he’ll stop making the effort. You’ll never get random flowers or chocolates, or surprise takeouts, or treating you like the princess that you deserve to be treated like. And, if you do, he’ll only want something in return for his gallant efforts because the bar is set so low (set it a little higher!). Because, you’re easily pleased, right?
To me these things should all be part of the chase, wooing your partner into a frothy mouth crazed type of love. You do these things because you want to. Because she deserves it. Because you want to be part of her life. You want to open up and be yourself around her, you want to take it that step further, she’s a person too!
So what do you do when you live in a world where all the men you see and are around are super undateable, or never approach you or strike a conversation up out of the blue? And the guys that you do approach end up being shit-cunts down the line? Because this is a story I hear from many, many women. It’s true. It happens, don’t beat yourself up about it.
Ok, first thing you have to think about is stop always looking for that perfect man. He’s never going to turn up when you’re looking for him, trust me. When I stopped looking for love the first thing that happened was I found love! Strange, huh?
I’d also suggest initiation. You don’t need to do all the work but you can make him think he’s doing the work. It’s a neat little trick that my wife used on me, because I was oblivious at the time. You can say,
“Hey, I’m off out to watch the racing / darts / crowd / [insert hobby here] would you like to come?”
That way you’re signalling your interest to him. That’s all you need to do. I’ve heard a lot of stories from frustrated women that tell me “he’s never noticed me” and they ultimately go over the top trying to get him to notice her and that’s led him to either run away screaming, or some one-night stand date sex, which is definitely not what she wanted.
You need to let him work for it. You really do. But you don’t need to make him work for it every step of the way. Some men appear as if they aren’t interested because they feel they have no hope in hell with a super-attractive and intelligent woman like yourself. I am one of those. Take me, I was a receptionist when I met my wife. She was a teacher, globe trotter and self made business woman. I thought I had NO CHANCE with her, so I didn’t even try.
Whatever the reason, you should try giving him a nudge like I said earlier. You don’t have to pull all the moves; think of it as pushing a train down a hill — you just need to give it that gentle nudge and then it should gain serious momentum if he’s interested.
And if he’s not interested? Well, at least you tried. You know more than you did five minutes ago.
Now if you’re out together and he accepts your offer you can make him do all the moves, you can make him work for your affection, you can let him run the mile for you. If he wants you to make all the moves then you have to understand that this will be your relationship the world over. Remember that. Do you really want a man that you are constantly running after? I wouldn’t want a woman like that.
Also, do things for you. Do things that make you desperately and over the top happy. First person you need to find love with is yourself because you’ll be with yourself for the rest of your life.
I suggest these two books if you want to get into the psychology of it all
What stuff? I don’t know? I’ve always had a love for computers so I volunteered my time fixing computers and helping others that had never used them before get to grips with it. That eventually became a job for me because I loved it so much. I also learned how to design, take photos, and walk – all of which I’m in groups for and LOVE doing. Met quite a lot of awesome people along the way.
When I shifted my focus I stopped trying to look for other people to give me pleasure and started to pleasure myself. In ways I had never dreamed of. That’s a long story, maybe another time.
When you’re ready to find some love, you’ll know 🙂