User Posts: Tricia Barker

  How do you solve a problem like rape culture? How do you explain the concept and pin it down? How do you find a word that means not giving a damn? Is it ...


There are over a hundred million articles about how to date someone with kids.  Certainly, those of us without kids get it that parenting is a full-time role ...


I write a lot about the importance of self-love, avoiding traps of codependency, and when to leave dysfunctional/abusive relationships.  However, I haven’t ...


There might be nothing more to say other than “well, shit” when your cyclical, on-and-off-again relationship fails once more.  You knew that was a strong ...


Robert Jensen, author of Getting Off:  Pornography and the End of Masculinity, writes about how pornography is eroding authenticity in relationships and ...


It is normal to want connection and a companion in this life journey.  However, connections with others are deeply compromised and broken by emotional abuse. ...


Sometimes, people call a psychic when they fear their partner is cheating on them or they want to know if a somewhat dramatic romantic situation will magically ...


co-written by Tricia Barker and Ethan Michael Carter Her Perspective:  There are annoying men and women in this world who try to make their dates or partners ...


One of the most important messages of my near-death experience was to love myself.  It took me many years to learn this lesson more deeply, but I know that ...

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  1. Thank you for sharing this. I was in a long-term interracial relationship, and I noticed how both white men and women were friendlier with me when I was not with him. It broke my heart to notice this. I think he was accustomed to stares and coldness and wrote people off quickly who behaved like that. When you live in a conservative area it is more difficult than I imagined it might be in this time period.

  2. Great post! You make a good point about how male friends changed how they related to us after Playboy. I remember reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover on the lawn of the first college I attended. Several guys gave me a thumbs up for reading that book, and I thought it was great that men were reading books. Later, I realized that an excerpt from that novel was in that month’s issue of Playboy. It was a funny moment, but a discouraging one too. Porn influences men’s judgments about women. Obviously, I wasn’t a prude judging my my reading choices, but I would have rather been viewed as an open-minded English major than someone with a connection to porn.

  3. I understand the environment you describe. Your writing is clear and direct. Wonderful, important post… Capturing the spiritual abuse of the situation is all the more difficult. The amount of damage that some “Christians” have done to young girls and young women is astounding. It seems like common sense to protect young girls instead of blaming them. Part of the reason I went into the teaching field was to do just that—protect young girls and hold those accountable for what they had done no matter their age, their parent’s income, or social standing in the community. By not holding men and young men accountable for such acts we teach other men and boys that bad behavior and criminal acts against women and girls is acceptable. Just the other day a friend of mine recounted a moment with her father when she confided that one of his friends had assaulted her. The father replied something to the effect of a “hard cock doesn’t have a brain.” Again, the failure to protect both before and after such events is mind-blowing. I have my own wounds from childhood and after childhood, and I intuitively knew not to bother saying anything in childhood. People do not want to deal with these ugly truths and are much happier if you never mention it so that they don’t have to think about it (much less be forced to do something about it)…..these wounds, though, have a way of wanting acknowledgement. And we survivors are not the ones who are damaged…the men who perpetrate acts against children and the men and women who look the other way or blame the victims are the ones who are damaged beyond belief and living in a culture that needs to be shaken up and rearranged into something resembling common sense.

  4. Thanks! I’m glad you liked the post.

  5. You are a pioneer. Good for you for at least trying to talk about the issue with other men. I know women get quickly labeled as “man haters” for bringing up this topic and other topics, but men also face ridicule. I find it mind-blowing that the people trying to bring awareness, health, connection, and education to others get attacked. I remember Robert Jensen talking about all the Texas men who wanted to start fights, verbal and otherwise, with him for his beliefs.

  6. Thank you! Dr. Jensen visited one of the college campuses where I taught English, and it was so encouraging to see young men and women think about this issue seriously.

  7. Thanks for your comment. I’ve heard Dr. Jensen speak with college students, and it is encouraging that education can open the minds of young men and women to this issue. I was especially encouraged to see young men raise their hands and ask Dr. Jensen about how they can basically treat women with more dignity while living in this culture.

  8. I’m glad you are learning to do this for yourself. It will give you greater peace and security. 🙏

  9. Thanks for reading and for your comment!

  10. Thanks for your comment! Spreading love (instead of manipulation or pain) is the greater point. I’m glad you get it:-)