Difference in Relationships – Changing Your Perspective to Better Understand Yourself
I was asked by Raymond, the founder of “The Relationship Blogger” to be a guest blogger on his blog and today I’m gonna touch on difference in relationships. Before I go into the topic I want to go into today, I thought it would be appropriate to give just a brief background on myself.
So, I’m the oldest of 4 boys (including myself). I grew up Catholic, and after a long series of horrible events, I decided to not be Catholic anymore. I was trying out different religions, and to no avail, I couldn’t find a religion that would work and almost became Atheist.
During this time of trying to figure out what it is I wanted to stand for, I bumped indirectly to a woman who was born with extra-sensory perception. She was born so extroardinary, she says all the time that she feels like she lives in 2 different dimensions at the same time, the physical and the non-physical.
To give you an idea of what this looks like, she said imagine when you’re up close to objects or people, you only get to see what’s inside the object or person, but you never get to see the physical side of things, and the further away you get, the more solid and physical they become. That’s how she explained it anyways.
But she not only healed my chronic addiction to Pornography basically overnight, but I have no desire to look at it anymore. I’ve decided right then and there to be a devout follower of hers, and become spiritual just like herself. And, I decided to share some of her wisdom with the world.
Without further ado, let’s begin.
What Happens When One Falls In Love?
Alot of things happen when we’re in love. We have “feel happy” chemicals flood our brain. We become more intimate, affectionate, and happier in general. The problem comes when love meets our egos.
What happens is our egos start to dissolve when we’re in love, and instead of love reflecting our similarities, it actually accents our differences a lot more than what makes us the same.
So essentially, what our egos do is, it tries different tactics to survive. See, we’re all born with an ego, and so to try to have it melt away is almost counterproductive to human nature.
So what happens? Well, we eventually get to a point where we wait for our partner to meet our needs, but this essentially doesn’t happen, and that in turn makes us angry and resentful. We think that in order to get love we have to receive love, when really it is the taking actions to love is what actually generates feelings from within. We must open our hearts to them essentially, and one of the most loving things we can give to our partner is understanding.
How Do We Resolve The Differences?
Through an exercise. This is an exercise that is highly recommended you do with your loved one. However, this exercise can really be towards anyone, a friend, your Mom, your Cousin, anyone that is close to you. This exercise is also especially useful if you have a chronic argument in your relationship that you can never seem to settle.
What we’re going to essentially be doing is switch roles in an argument. You’re going to act as if you’re the other person in the argument and not yourself. You’re going to essentially take on the persona of the other person and make a case for the other person. Act the way they do, perform their same mannerisms, you are going to play the other person.
This Accomplishes 4 Things
- To understand their point of view as if you were in their shoes with their history, beliefs, and feelings. Don’t put your viewpoint into the other persons. It’s not about if you were them, instead you ARE them.
- For them to understand your point of view as if they were in your shoes with your history, beliefs, and feelings.
- To mirror to the other person what it looks like and feels like to be on the other side of this argument.
- To mirror to you what it looks like and feels like to be on the opposite side of you in this argument.
So for example, say a husband and wife fight all the time because the wife spends too much money on things that are materialistic and not important first. What they would do is switch roles. The husband would make a case for the wife and vice-versa.
To do this exercise right, we have to be willing to lay down our defenses. We have to, in essence, be vulnerable. This is particularly hard, especially when the ego is more concerned about being right and justified on why it’s right, and making the other person the bad guy.
However, if the exercise is done right, we learn not only more about ourselves but about our relationship and our relationship can only get better. So remember this exercise should something crop up that is unwanted in a relationship.
Also, one last thing, if during this exercise should you gain insights about how you react to this given situation, or your mannerisms in this situation, feel free to talk about it at any point during the exercise. If you both would rather wait till the exercise was over, you both can either talk about your insights or you can both reflect on what you learned about yourselves and eachother. Just make sure you do one or the other.
May you find your happiness,