Do you know how many women have thought I was homosexual in the past because I wasn’t interested in immediate sex?

Sounds weird, right? A guy, openly admitting that he CAN actually control his primal impulses when a boob is flashed at him now and again. There were times, I’ll admit, that I was probably too shy to enact on what I desired, and yes, there have been some people in the past where I’ve wanted to jump right in there, no holds barred, in an evening of white hot raw emotional passion. But there’s been times when I’ve just not been interested in it. Even with my wife now, there are times when I’ll just jump into bed and go to sleep and not even think about a steamy night of stickyness.

Society in my opinion is broken when it comes to attitudes towards men and sex. If we’re not having sex then we’re obviously gay, and if we aren’t gay then we’re raping and pillaging, or all three. And I get that, I do. Because there are men out there who take what they want regardless. In my opinion those men should be raped themselves to give them a taste of their own medicine, an insight to the very fabric of life they steal away from others, the light once in a persons eyes, now extinguished because of a man that can’t control his damn urges and takes it upon himself to force it from others. I have no sympathy for that.

But what about us guys that can say no every now and again?

And I’ll be honest, I’ve had it on a silver platter with cherries on top offered to me in the past. But because it’s not what I wanted then somehow I’m broken? Somehow I must be a defect man that can’t get it up? I must like other men? Yeah, sometimes we’ll just say no, and for many, many reasons. And I’ve had people surprised at me before, at times, when I’ve outwardly spoken about my attraction to another woman, and it’s been like,

“Wow dude, you NEVER stare at my boobs, or anywhere. I just thought you were a poof!”

So where do we go from there? Growing up I was always told that beeing leery is horrible, women don’t like having their body parts slavered all over, and as a result of this I’m very sneaky when I stare, because I do stare, even now. If a beautiful lady is talking to me I’ll talk to her eyes and nowhere else, because I feel that’s respectful, maybe it’s not. I don’t know! Perhaps giving her a cheeky glance when she isn’t looking is sort of a devious way to go about things in an ever growing world that’s trying to value truth and honesty above all else? I’m still open to that!

My wife turns over and tells me,

“not tonight honey, I’m in pain”

I get that, because she’s mostly in pain and that’s totally acceptable.

How does it sound to you when I, a hot-blooded male, says,

“Not tonight honey, I’m too stressed out”

Hell, that even sounds weird to me! But there are times in my life, frankly, when life is too stressful that I literally couldn’t if I tried. And perhaps we need to open up a bit more to the notion that men actually DO have feelings and emotions too, and that things can get on top of us just the same. And frankly I try, even when I’m stressed out to the max. Even when the demon beneath hasn’t had enough fire and brimstone to fuel his venture upstairs. I try, because it’s expected of me. Because I’m a man

And when it lays there like a burst sausage, looking down at the covers in a near death experience, I sit there, in bed, really feeling unmanly. I’ve come to realise that it’s a society thing. Or at least I think. Us guys, we joke in locker rooms about firing blanks and not rising to the occassion. Women use it as an insult. And well, it sure puts a weight on a young mans shoulders. Even if it doesn’t happen much, because it doesn’t. My work isn’t remotely as stressful as my last job was, and there were times when I’d just feel like,

“Not tonight honey”

But I did try, because you know, I’m a man, I’m supposed to ooze sexuality. If I’m not humping my wife then I’m humping other womens legs. But it happens, some men can get turned off like a light; depression is one. I lost my libido for a few months in the lowest points in my depression. But we never think about that. We never explore the larger deep-hole exploring causes of why men just don’t fancy sex.

Of course when I was around 17 I was like a rampant dog on heat, wanting sex constantly, eyes fixed on anything with a skirt and a pulse, but that does subside, and especially in a long term relationship. Just.. there’s far more to life than getting your end away. I think as we grow many men have realised the same, and younger than me, but always feel that it’s their duty. I feel lucky, my wife just rolls over and goes to sleep if I try and I’m not in the mood. And likewise with me, if she’s not in the mood. I’ll just roll over and close my eyes and think about something else.

After all, life IS about respecting your fellow human 🙂

attitude towards men and sex
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I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

12 COMMENTS

  1. My gosh, this is one of the best articles I’ve read in awhile. I’ll admit to being stunned that guys sometimes say no, and thinking that there must be something wrong with me because of it!

    • Nothing wrong with you at all. You are pretty and intelligent and have a lot going for you. It’s just well, us guys have preferences too, like women! 🙂 – The guys you see on TV that shag anything with a pulse are out there too – but there are plenty of us good guys too 🙂

  2. those type of post are rare!!! being super sexual at all time has pretty much been a core part when it comes to being a man in this day and age and it is the worst. thank you for posting 🙂

    • Glad you appreciated it. I feel there’s a real unhealthy bias to men and sex. If we don’t want to have sex then we’re limp, gay or castrated. It’s not fair lol

      • it really isn’t fair!!! it’s always hard expalining this to people. i think this has more to do with the fact that this society as a whole is so focus on sex being the end all be all when it comes to relationships. the value of relationships is seen as how much sex you can have in it. it’s sad but its true.

  3. I have personally been in a situation where in my previous relationship, my significant other wanted to engage in sexual activity all day everyday. I worked two jobs totaling 16 hours a day with one day off. I turned her down many times because my body was exhausted. It wasn’t the fact that I was uninterested, because I definitely was, my body was just too burned out everyday. Certain variables can definitely cause that reaction to the invite, regardless, one should respect the decision. But if there is constant denial from one or the other, problems can definitely arise as a result.

    • Nice to hear a man say that. Yup, I dated a woman once, before my wife, that wanted sex constantly, and with work, and the added stress of the responsibility at work I had to refuse her too. Not that I didn’t want to of course!!

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