Why are women so mean? – Thoughts from a man

Why are women so mean?

Women, like men, can be pretty mean at times. If you’re thinking to yourself that women aren’t mean at all, then you either see the world through naive rose tinted glasses, or you have some pretty nice friends. I haven’t asked myself this question for a while now, why are women so mean, because I understand a bit more about human psychology and sociology to know that everyone has a mean streak, and it’s dependent on how you are as a person whether you are faced with this often, or not.

Women are far more spiteful than men, and can cling onto a grudge against you and take it to the grave with them, whereas a man will more often than not forget about it somewhere along the line. I mean, it’s just the way we’re made up as humans. Take arguments for example, my wife is more likely to bring up something that I did to her six years ago in an disagreement we’re having now, and that’s because she perceives the world differently than me. Her emotions are complex, and she remembers the way I’m making her feel now as the same way as I made her feel six years ago. She’ll use this as evidence to her argument. Me? I see arguments in their current state, and, as a logical thinker and problem solver I’ll look to solve the argument in that moment, taking into account all of the experiences I have at my disposal currently.


So if you’re asking yourself ‘why are women so mean’ then perhaps you should look at the way you appear to women, or those that you have rubbed up the wrong way in order to find a solution to that problem. In every job that I’ve had, at one stage or another I’ve been bullied by a woman, or a group of women, and make no mistake, if you’re a sensitive guy like I am, then it most likely won’t be a good experience, especially if you’re finding yourself being ostracised from the wider group. For years, I would always blame them for what they did, and the feelings of isolation they made me feel, yet I realise now I had probably done something to spark that retaliation, unbeknowns to me. A catalyst of sorts. Not that I agree with their actions, I’m just recognising that there was a catalyst

The most recent case I had, where in my last employment I was left isolated and ostracised from my colleagues for at least 10 months, and dreaded each day of going into work, until, of course my Manager caught wind of the situation. I was always asking myself why are women so mean, especially when we were supposed to work in a caring and nurturing environment. But alas, I recognise now there was a trigger to the situation that I was in, and I had took aim and firmly pulled it, unknowingly. That’s not to say bullying is acceptable in any way, or that being bullied is the victims fault! Bullying is never acceptable, some people lack the maturity to hash out their problems with people that cause them offence, and resort to bullying. If you are being made to feel unworthy at work by your colleagues – here is a great resource, here (America), and here (also America)


Bitch Face

A term used quite collectively by some women, to ward off men from approaching them, just because, well, they don’t want to be approached. It’s body language basics, if you are closed and look uncomfortable then people are far less likely to approach you than if your language is open and relaxed. Women are approached a lot by men, and I could only but imagine how uncomfortable it can be if you’re going about your daily business and some dude wolf whistles you, or tries to strike up a conversation purely on the basis that he likes the way you look. I’ve experienced this first hand as a younger man, not regularly, but it is uncomfortable, especially when you’re just getting on about your business.

Instead of asking why are women so mean, you should be asking yourself why do women look so uncomfortable? To the untrained male eye it could definitely seem that a lot of women are just flying witches, waiting to destroy the lives of their next male victim, but I find that’s not the case. Bitch face looks uncomfortable on a woman, especially if they are naturally happy and sprightly. You can tell the difference. A good trick is to realise that woman are just the same as us men. There are some women you don’t want to talk to, there are others you do, and there are those that hold a special place in your heart – each of those people have a different face from you. It’s the same with women.


I’ve generally observed that women are far meaner to each other than us men. Admit it, you’re a woman and you came here searching to know the answer to why are women so mean? Yes? No? Regardless, I’ve observed that there are certain woman ‘cool’ cliques that isolate more of their fellow women than let in. You’ll find that it typically starts in high school – The film Mean Girls with Linday Lohan demonstrated this brilliantly, the popular cliques that everyone wants in, but isn’t quite cool enough yet to be in there. We never really shed that high school mentality. You may think we do, but it’s how we’ve been taught to behave since five years old, since that first moment we walked into the big scary doors of school and learned how to interact with each other on a social level. Why should we change? It’s how we’ve been for ten years and more. Leaving school doesn’t instantly change us.


And you’ll find these cliques of women everywhere, in college, university, work (most notably at work), in the school playground picking up your child, literally everywhere there’s a social situation. The ‘cool gang’ as I jokingly inwardly call it. Usually these cliques are ‘unknowingly’ a group of insecure of people, and demosntratibly turning the members against anyone that might threaten their social dominance. If you’re friends with a select group of women, ask yourself why there are certain people that are targeted, or isolated, and if you search deep enough, the answer will almost always be because they threaten to shift the dynamics of the group, rather than slot easily in their place. It’s all interesting stuff! Self confident and warm people don’t exist in cliques, because they welcome most people into their circle – Innocent until proven guilty! Why are women so mean? Not in their cliques they aren’t! Get a woman away from their friend circle and you’ll find out they are just as nice as anyone else.

Maybe you’re just a prick

If you’ve searched everywhere, and through this, and nothing has struck out at you the perhaps it might be time to analyse your own behaviour towards women, or other women. There have been women that have asked me before,

“why are women so mean to me? I never get on with other women. I mean I know I’m prettier than most, but that shouldn’t cause them to hate me”

And the first time I heard this I was taken back a bit, that other women thought this, that they were better than most of their peers, but they do. And to me, thinking of yourself as better than anyone else, men, women, whatever, you’re going to come across as a bit of a not very nice person to know. Whenever you think yourself as better than someone; that actually shows in your body language, and people generally get that feeling from you.

Everyone HATES elitism on some level. Most hate elistism directed towards them, others, like me, have a personal hatred towards elitism against others. I don’t like people that think they are better than others. I think everyone has the ability to achieve greatness if they applied themselves, and others, you’ll find, don’t like you looking down your nose at them.

I’ve also had male friends in the past that could never understand why are women so mean to them, categorising them as ‘bitches’ and flying bitchwhores’ – yet in the exact same breath they would sleep with two women at the same time, play people off one another, father children and disappear, father children and do the minimalist effort possible, abuse, cheat; you get the idea.

Rarely have any problems


I rarely have problems with women now, and I certainly don’t think they are mean. Some women are aware of their capabilities, others aren’t, sort of like what us men are like. I think in this world the way you present yourself is the way people will see and treat you. If you generally like other people, and want to help, you will atract other good natured and willed people. If you disrespect women, or other women then chances are you’ll meet the same type of people, and the good natured ones will repel you like a bad smell, and I think the more you ask yourself why are women so mean in general, the more you might have to look into your own behaviour and attitudes to other people.

Be kind to others! 🙂

Why are women so mean - A man's thoughts
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Raymond is a Mental Health activist and cryptocurrency enthusiast. He fuels his activism by taking to the web and trying to create core change in the way people interact. As an ex-Community​ Manager, Raymond has a unique approach to communication and relationships and believes the way forward in life is improving the interactions between one another. Raymond started his blogging activities as a way to heal from a chequered past, and through this, his blog has become something far more empowering than he ever imagined. And thus, The Relationship Blogger Magazine was born.


    1. I don’t really think I fit in with any sort of Political stereotype really. Nevertheless, thanks for your comment. Any feedback is acceptable to me!

      Tell me, when you wrote this comment, how do you feel that you appear to me as a person? And is this the projection of yourself you want in society?

      1. Oh cut the [email protected] with the liberal, I’m gonna “outsmart you” language. Who cares how he looks to you. He just made a comment. No one cares what you think of them. You project to me that you’re a cuck. …..exactly

        1. Hi mate.

          In a post that’s all about self-reflection – i.e. ‘women are probably mean to you because you’re a prick’ sort of reflection, I think the comment was highly relevant. I try not be mean to others, and generally people aren’t mean to me. You get what they give out in life as they say. Be mean to others? Expect it back! 🙂

          I also wasn’t trying to outsmart anyone! If you can’t understand what I’m saying that’s not my problem. Why would you think it was? Go and read life for dummies childrens version and then perhaps come back when you’re ready? lol

  1. Man you have been beat like a $2 rag. Have some respect for yourself and maybe woman would respect you. You are a walking doormat and a coward. Women walk on you because they sense weakness. I work with woman all the time and they all respect me. Know why? Confidence at what I do when I’m working and if it turns out I’ve done something wrong then I own it apologize and move on. I don’t sit there trying to cower to their every whim or complaint I’ve got work to do and they can deal with it.

    1. What I find more interesting is that even although you drew from this article that I had been ragged upon, you decided to rag on me some more anyway. I think you’ll find you’re mixing confidence with arrogance 🙂

      You should really read the last paragraph; digest it fully, and then come back to me! Because I know you didn’t read the whole article if you believe what you’ve written.

  2. Are you seeing a pattern here in your comments? Perhaps the reason time and time again people are frustrated with you is that they come to your article titled “Why are women so mean? – Thoughts from a man” seeking answers to a deeper understanding of why there are women out there that treat men so horribly, and yet your article turns around at the end and says the same crap that the first 1000 hits on google does and turn around and essentially blame men! There are men out there suffering from verbal abuse as well as physical abuse and it’s hushed by society and excused when it shouldn’t be. It’s not talked about. It’s kept quiet. Everyone is taught that it’s always the women’s feelings that are important. Your article carries the same attitude that men keep hearing over and over like a broken record and is not insightful at all. You speculate on the female perspective and how they feel towards men while not distinguishing the idea that what men feel is important too. So yeah I completely understand the comments coming from users calling you a wuss or a cuck because in not so many elegant words, it means the same thing as all the elaboration I’ve done. In all honestly, I don’t think you have enough respect for your own self to be publishing articles like this because from what you’ve wrote I gathered your self-esteem is just not there and your writing comes off as if you don’t feel like your own feelings as a man matter as all you talk about is women’s perception of men. You pretend like you have integrity for yourself, but your writing says otherwise. Then, while pretending to not excusing women’s bad behavior, you still try to sell the idea that just because you understand when women are upset and act inappropriately it makes it acceptable because you know how to deal with it now. You see the signs and react to them, rather then addressing the problem which is that no person man or woman should be rude to people as you have described. Yet because women feel all this pressure and want to be selective it gives them a free pass to act like jerks? No. Does everyone have a right to feel angry? Sure. Is it ok for women to take that anger out on the people around them? No. But that is not what your article suggests. It suggests that if women are angry men should have to go out of their way to avoid them or be nice to them to expect respect. And that is where the problem is and why people are mad at you. This message to society that we should cater to women’s emotional health over men’s has to stop for the good of mental health of men. For far too long we have been shoved aside when it comes to issues like this and with this article you’re part of the problem, not the solution.

    1. Hey dude. I’m not sure where you got that I said women’s feelings are a priority? The core meaning of this article was basically – if she’s an arsehole, then you don’t need her in your life. Or, maybe it’s you that’s the problem. It’s only ever going to be those two that are the problem. Her choices, or yours.

      Wouldn’t you rather ditch someone that’s being an arse? I mean I know it’s not my job to solve the world’s problems – leave that to someone else.

      1. “Hey dude. I’m not sure where you got that I said women’s feelings are a priority? The core meaning of this article was basically – if she’s an arsehole, then you don’t need her in your life. Or, maybe it’s you that’s the problem.” I know you’re not sure where you said women’s feelings are a priority, because you aren’t thinking about how your audience perceives your article at all. I can dig that logic, but like I said, the way you wrote it doesn’t communicate this idea at all to your audience and it doesn’t synchronize with what the title of your article is either. So let me give you a few examples. If you, being a logical person as you claim in the article, where to be presented with the two statements “Why are women so mean?” then one of the outcomes implied is “Maybe it’s you (the man)” what is the logical conclusion on these two statements? The logical implication of these two statements is that women are so mean perhaps because of you (the man), or more bluntly put women are mean because of men. These statements are far from saying if every relationship in your life doesn’t work then perhaps you have work to do on yourself with the way your article flows. The way you structured your paper is communicating exactly what I just wrote in this paragraph to your audience, hence why people are pissed off.

        This isn’t the only example of what I’m talking about when I say you don’t communicate your idea you just expressed to me in the comments. Let’s take your paragraph on Bullying for example “So if you’re asking yourself ‘why are women so mean’ then perhaps you should look at the way you appear to women […]”, “For years, I would always blame them for what they did, and the feelings of isolation they made me feel, yet I realise [sic] now I had probably done something to spark that retaliation, unbeknowns [sic] to me. A catalyst of sorts […]”. What this implies is that you were the catalyst for their bad behavior, which is simply untrue. You are therein projecting your audience to imagine that perhaps there is something they did to spark a woman’s bad behavior. Do you not see here how this communicates the idea that men are the “catalyst” (or reason) for women’s bad behavior? Do you really not understand how that is a logical conclusion to what you wrote? That’s what you wrote, not me, and that’s the message you’re sending when you don’t think about what you’re writing and how your audience will perceive it.

        Thus all the stern things I wrote in my comments are because you failed to send the message you wanted to communicate if what you have replied to me here was truly your intention of the article. I could pick your article apart more to justify the rational behind my comments, but if I haven’t spelled it out for you by now then you just don’t get the point and there is no point in us having a further discussion about your lack of writing skills. The main point is you communicated to the world by the way you wrote this article that men are in some way to blame for women’s bad behavior, which is why you are getting so much retaliation for it. Perhaps that’s not what you intended, but that’s literally what it (logically) says with how you wrote it.

        1. I’m sorry you feel that way, I really do.

          I’ve learned in my life that most of what we experience is to do with what we give out. I *was* the catalyst for the bullying, it was me that started it. I’m not excusing her behaviour though, bullying is never an acceptable tactic. I was just saying I recognize my role in what played out and if I knew how to choose my words better at the time then I probably wouldn’t have been bullied.

          Secondly, I fail to see why you are getting hung up on one thing. In every action we take, even this one right now as I am responding to you, we play our own roles in it. I could not respond, the outcome would probably be different. Sometimes women are mean because we are arseholes. Sometimes women are mean because they themselves are arseholes — but there is always a reason why we, or they are the way they are. I choose to be kind and receive kind back. Not always the case, but there we are lol.

          As for my writing skills, well, I bow to thee, oh mighty sword-master. Please show me the light! Please show me the ways of the penned warrior.

  3. Sorry man, I don’t mean to be rude, but I have to agree with Gamer AgeDad. It’s looks like you’re adapting to women, instead of trying to be the solution. Sugar coating every bad action of a women is not the way to go.

    Men or women, differently or not, when we recognize that someone is awful to us, we have to point that out and not just accept it.

    I don’t know about the others, but almost all women I come across are arrogant, mean, rude, selfish and have no manners at all. I’m not being prick. I think a lot of people in the world are awesome people! 😊 I really have that opinion about people.

    I live at a dorm where my it is common courtesy to keep the door open for the other person, yet when I do this for guys, they thank me nicely. When I do this for women, more than the half of them just don’t thank me and ignore me instead.

    I’m being nice. I’m not trying to flirt with them or have any other weird intention. I just like to be nice to people and all I ask is a simple “thank you” that has no other meaning besides that you’re grateful for something nice someone else did for you. Yet this seem most of the time not appreciated and can be felt as ungrateful to me.

    I also heard one time women openly look at me and whispering to eachother that they think I’m not good looking (ugly), while I don’t think that’s true, because I am confident about myself and know my own values well. Again I did nothing wrong and women are awful to me, while I think that they’re nice people.

    Even so, I didn’t respond badly in all of the situations, because it’s not like I can force them to be nice and it doesn’t add any good value to it. I just try to be the bigger person, ignore it, because no person is going to bring my confidence down.

    From my perspective, it’s safe to say that it’s a fact that as men, women these days are not easy to coexist with, because I think most women (not all luckily) are just up straight horrible people (based on what I see with my own eyes).

  4. This is why it certainly has become so very extremely dangerous for many of us good single men trying to start a normal conversation with a woman that we would really like to meet, and unfortunately there are so many women that have a lot of very severe mental problems today making the dating scene for many of us men very unsafe today since the women today Aren’t like the old days at all.

    1. Interestingly enough I would agree with you these days. I re-read this post and feel a bit different about the entire situation now. I might actually even re-write it. Things have gotten cr-a-zy, and I’ve grown a lot since I wrote this.

      Women are pandered to. And because of this “being pandered to” in Politics, in media, and by men in general, it must be really hard for men in the dating scene. They want their cake and eat it.

      Yes, in fact I think may re-write this because it’s not in line with what I believe, nor is it in line with the current socioeconomic climate.

  5. This is not an article about women sadly. Its yet another article about men directed at men. I’m very tired of only finding apologies for women’s cruelty when I’m trying to find answers. I’m looking for strategies and techniques to recognize and avoid cruelty from women. Be it a female boss who is cruel, a mother or a dating prospect. The only thing that I find are articles that really about men. They use the ‘look at yourself’ approach. If I were indeed looking for articles about introspection, I would not be looking for articles how to deal with cruelty from women.

    I get that the whole stereotypical trope of men being violent and angry and that if women are cruel to a man, it must’ve been his own fault. Unfortunately society has not progressed up to a stage where people can be unbiased about women’s ability for hatred and extreme emotional carnage.

    1. I think the context that it’s wrote in that matters. I’d suggest looking up bullying rather than looking up why women are mean to you. I think men seem to misinterpret this article because it was done several years ago before this toxic ideology directed towards men ever had mainstream eyes on it. Also, it could well be that I just wasn’t that great of a writer back then and I couldn’t convey my thoughts as well as I can now.

      The idea behind this article was that if women are mean to you then perhaps you should look inwardly. That includes asking yourself *why* you let a boss, mother or a dating prospect act in the way that she does to you. I preach ultimate responsibility — in that no-one has control over you, apart from you. So if someone is being a cruel bitch, then instead of avoiding the situation, adjust your attitude towards it.

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