Why are men so mean, and how to change the way they treat you

Why are men so mean, and how to change the way they treat you

This is a lovely question, one of my favourites to be exact. Why? Because there’s tons of answers each intertwining with each other ducking and weaving and crossing paths. But they all fall under one overarching answer every time, and there’s no other way of looking at it, which we’ll get to at the end of this article.

If you examine people in their thirties and above, like me, you’ll find that most of us fell foul to the pulling of pig tails in the playground, pushing her, or calling her names. It’s quite an immature reaction really, mostly from boys in their teens, yet sometimes older, who haven’t properly mastered how to embrace their emotions yet. It stems from a longing to properly express their feelings about a girl but not quite knowing what to do. Rather than saying

“I like you”

It could often manifest itself in the pushing, kicking, calling names or [insert cruel action here], and like it happened to me, rather than have that perfect someone like us for who we are, we’re often categorised into the “cockhead” section, never to be associated with.

Men who haven’t properly matured yet, and let’s face it, some men will never properly mature, you can usually find them making jokes at a pretty lady’s expense who they find very attractive. It’s quite a protection system when you think of it, if she was to rebutt his advances then he could admit to everyone that

“he never really liked her anyway”

I don’t agree with this. If there’s one thing I’ll be doing is teaching my son how to properly express his feelings when he’s older, and I can only lead by example. I don’t like that it’s “accepted” that men do this. Why should women put up with it? It’s like they are indoctrinated from a young age to lie down and roll over. Being a cock to a woman should never be acceptable under any circumstances, regardless of how it’s meant. Of course if she’s being rude, then that’s a different story.

But, alas, men in the world today, this is what we’re like, and you’ll see this question asked time and time again,

“Why are men so mean?”

Luckily I’ve picked a good few reasons as to why they are mean to women.

Their fathers were mean old grouches

If you want to examine how your man, or potential guy is, understand a bit more about their father. Whilst this isn’t systematically true about every man you meet, you can tell a lot about someone from their parental figures. Have you ever heard someone say,

“Omg I’m turning into my parents”

It’s true for many, many people. Watch how his Dad interacts with his Mum, is he a mean old bastard? Or does he treat her with loving care? This will be directly repeated with you, because I’ve always said it, and I’ll say it again, men mirror their fathers in some form or another. Take me for example, my Dad compulsively lied, cheated and stole. And before I had direct intervention, guess what? I was harbouring a deadly secret. I too, lied, cheated and stole. I had worked up this great persona and illusion of the man I was; this great, nice entity of awesomeness, where underneath it all I was just a stealing, cheating, liar. And I tried desperately to hide that, even by lying to myself, which came out in nasty, horrible ways.

Don’t get me wrong, the world is full of abundantly great fathers, but just let’s be aware of the familial dynamic. My friends would often jest about the key to winning a very pretty lady was observing her mothers looks in her old age, and yet whilst there is a small smidgen of truth in that, they forget the deeper bondings, the whole family dynamic and the way everyone interacts with each other.

They haven’t properly matured emotionally

Maturing emotionally for me is an ongoing process. Every month I seem to hit a new level of self-awareness, and I think for those of us that have matured in such a fashion can embody this too. It’s an allignment of mind and inner body. Imagine what it’s like to be in tune with both your mind and body. That there’s never a disagreement with both, and if there was ever a split you’d understand that body tells you as it is, plain and simple. That your mind rationalises and dilutes the experience with all that you have learned externally from friendships, other relationships and a plethora of other external stimuli.

To be emotionally open and vulnerable is somehow a bad thing. But it’s not our fault. We can’t just walk up to a woman and say,

“Hey, wow, you’re very pretty. Can I come and sit down and get to know you better?”

No, we seem to have made it into an art, like there’s some sort of secret locking system to the key to a woman’s heart and only those that have researched for countless hours on tips and tricks have the key. And it becomes frustrating after a while. Some men turn bitter in their frustration at their failed attempts to get a woman they like, others take to material possessions as if somehow this makes them any better of a person.

And by being an emotionally barricaded door we forbid any of the positive emotions to come through too. When we feel joy, love, likeness, empathy and a ton of others. We just can’t sit down and say,

“Wow, I really, really like you”

Well, perhaps after a few beers. That may be acceptable in some circumstances. And it’s sad in a way because women have sat down and accepted the way of the world. I can understand that, though. In a world full of Johns, you settle for the John that best suits you, right?

So basically we’re mean because we can’t express that we like you. We shove you or make fun of you instead. Strange, right?

Great. So how the hell do I change that?

Well, as I said right at the start, it’s one overarching issue and it depends on this as to whether you get treated nice or horribly. And that is:

What you give out, you get back.

And of course I don’t mean this in a derogatory sense, that because men treat you horribly, that must mean you’re a horrible person, no, it just means that if you’re a doormat then expect to be walked all over, and some people will even stop to scrape their muddy shoes on you. So in essence, don’t expect to be treated badly and people won’t. Granted, even the most well balanced of individuals find themselves in situations with horrible people that they can’t get out of, but there are ways to limit your interaction with those people. Spend less time with them, block them on facebook, avoid social situations with them. It’s not being rude, it’s just keeping your nice self available.

I do that. I’m nice most of the time and I want to help most people and I have an absolute abundance of free love to give everyone. Why? I avoid cocksuckers and twatty people. I spend little to no effort or energy on people that will waste my time, feel they need to best me, put me down, horrible for the sake of it. A good example would have been a couple of months back when I became a popular writer on another platform, and some of the hate I would get was unreal, yet, after weeks of ignoring it, it soon faded away, because I wasn’t going to waste any of my positive energy on them.

So it’s like that with men. If you are asking yourself why are men so mean, and the one’s around you are being cocksuckers just roll your eyes and walk away. No need to interact with them, no need to pretend that you like them, or that they’re funny to save face. Just walk away. That shit isn’t worth your time, right? You might be perceived as a total bitch in certain circles but who the hell wants to be liked in a circle of men that are total arseholes, right? Why care? Let them hate all they want. You know you’re nice, and worthy and awesome, who cares what they think. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in life quite poignantly is that people don’t stray far from home no matter what friend circle they’ve adopted or how far they move away.

And in time the arseholes will weed themselves out on their own, and you’ll find yourself surrounded with more and more positive, forward thinking, and men that will treat you well, rather than those that commit to dragging their knuckles across the floor as they walk up to approach you.

I’ve always said that there’s nothing wrong with being nice, being nice and treating people with respect is an awesome thing, just make sure you only allow other people to treat you with the same dignity. And you’ll do fine.


Why are men so mean, and how to change the way they treat you

Why are men so mean
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Raymond is a Mental Health activist and cryptocurrency enthusiast. He fuels his activism by taking to the web and trying to create core change in the way people interact. As an ex-Community​ Manager, Raymond has a unique approach to communication and relationships and believes the way forward in life is improving the interactions between one another. Raymond started his blogging activities as a way to heal from a chequered past, and through this, his blog has become something far more empowering than he ever imagined. And thus, The Relationship Blogger Magazine was born.


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