8 signs he’s ready to commit to a long term relationship
Us men are a finicky breed. Sometimes you can understand us, sometimes you can’t. I’ll be honest and say in the past I’ve found it hard to understand my own wants, needs and desires, and if that’s me, how the hell is any partner going to know, right? Well, luckily I’ve been analysing myself and men like me for a good fifteen years now, and I’m still descovering things about myself and men that give me the “wow” factor. My latest discovery by reflection was analysing how my wife could know what was happening around her in 360 degrees, whereas I can’t even find the milk in front of my face in the fridge with the container marked ‘MILK‘, in big blue letters. Apparently it stems from primal times where the man would need long, narrowed vision to hunt his prey at a distance, and the woman, being the homemaker and family carer would need to be aware of approaching danger. It’s a basic concept, but that’s about the jist of it.
My wife is super intelligent when it comes to understanding my needs and wants. She understands what I want before I even do, it’s a strange relationship that we have. She knows what I’m thinking most of the time. She knew exactly when I was ready to commit, and that was when she cut me a pair of her house keys. She’s very guarded, my wife, I bet I’m one of the few men that she’s let get close to her, and it was lovely really, it just sort of snuck up on me. I hadn’t thought about it in true depth but before I knew it I was practically living at her place. And through a serious of introspection and reflection I’ll be giving you how it happened to me, my friends and everyone I knew. It just sneaks up on you, hah! Or those are the best ones anyway.
His man products are at your house
I’ve had a few girlfriends in the past, that barely lasted for a month, and I always found that was the first thing to move into my place with a new relationship on the horison, was always their lotions and shampoo and razors on the side of my bath, and that was just a month in. I thought it quite cute if I’m honest, because they’d only stay a night or two but they’d still do it, leave their feminine stuff everywhere. Perhaps that’s an ownership thing, I dunno. Or it’s just happened to me, again, I dunno. But for me it was a really big thing when I started to leave things at her house. I’m a man, if I don’t have any shampoo, or hair gel, or body wash where I’m staying I would just grab what was available so I’d just use hers. Leaving my male products at her house signed my intent to be in the relationship longer than ‘just a few weeks’.
He starts discussing his flaws with you
I don’t mean,
“Oh Art? No, I can’t draw”
“I feel so ashamed that I got drunk that one time and peed against a policemans leg and ended in the police cells, it hurt my future application to college”
When he’s leaving himself more vulnerable to you, that really, really means he’s ready to commit. We’re closed books most of us, if you’re lucky enough for your partner to share things with you that he’d dread to share with anyone else, then he’s thinking about you on the long term. Sometimes posessing that sort of information can make or break a man. He’s definitely looking at you as someone to share his struggle in life with, and not just someone to have a laugh and fun with.
He talks about kids
Every man knows, in the back of his mind that kids are an upheaval to his free roaming life that bears not thinking about. The thought for me having kids in my early twenties was damn scary. I mean shit scary. I wanted to go out and have fun, and was not, in any way, jealous of my friends that did have kids. Think of a man as a free roaming lion, running around, enjoying his circle of life, enjoying the luxury and freedom that it brings. Kids to this lion is a seriously scary thought. So if he starts talking about kids, in the way that he might like some someday then he’s definitely ready to settle. The first time I brought up kids with Natalie was when we were on holiday in Cambridge, I remember sitting there, in a coffee shop, feeling superbly relaxed, and that I wanted to settle down with her.
He’s super comfortable around you
On every single relationship I’ve been in, apart from Natalie I was always on edge, always wanting to say the right thing, hoping not to mess up. It was like I was trying my hardest to keep up a facade of niceness towards these people. Mostly I felt as if I was treading on eggshells. Yet Natalie was different, I’ve always felt relaxed around her and I can’t honestly say I’ve never been unable to speak my mind around her. Some of our conversations have been difficult, but she’s never given off the aura that I would mess something up if I speak out of line. If you make him feel comfortable, and sometimes I wonder if this is a good thing or a bad thing, because some men will get too comfortable, but if he starts to relax then he’s ready to commit.
He ditches his friends at the right times for you.
Ok, ditching friends all the time is a bad thing, because everyone needs friends, right? Even I pop off to see some of my old mates dotted around the county from time to time, but if he ditches his friends at the drop of a hat to be with you when you’re ill, or going through a challenging time, or anything at your request then he’s totally ready to commit. There is a sacred bond between guys and their guy mates, when they start kicking them to the kerb in favour of your company then that’s a really good sign. I had a big night out planned with my friends when I first got together with Natalie, and she was telling me on the phone how bad her day was, and that she just wanted to cry. So I spent all my ‘going out’ money on a taxi fare direct to see her after I got off the phone. She told me off for ditching my friends, but I knew she was super happy that I was there.
He stays with you through a difficult time
We all have them, and it’s about knowing whether he can last the drama. I have more baggage than a fashion stylist at Heathrow Airport, yet my wife took it all in her stride. My alcoholic and mentally abusive dad, his estranged partners over the years, his death, she took it all. Natalie told me of a time when her Auntie died, and she was seeing this gentleman romantically on and off, she was close to her Auntie and she took it badly. He didn’t wait to see the end result. One day, he just got up and said,
“I can’t deal with this shit”
And she never saw him again.
We’d do well to understand that everyone, even the Queen and David Cameron have drama of some kind, but it’s all about how willing he is to take on the extra negative emotion. If he’s with you every step of the way he definitely cares about you a lot!
Other girls don’t get a look in
Yup, he’s closed for business. His availability has went from massive hero to completely zero, he’s finally hung up those massive stag antlers and has only eyes for you. We look, though, don’t get me wrong, but he won’t go up and start chatting to random women in bars and he’ll stand firmly by your side most of the time he’s out with you. When we commit, us men damn commit. We go from being floaty free roamers to solidly protecting his female and territory, you are his partner now, you are his way of life.
I’ve always been a one woman guy myself, for me, from when I’m in day 1 of a relationship it’s all about my partner. But alas, I’ve heard from lots of men, that at the beginning of a relationship you need to keep your options open, so speaking with not that much experience on this, only from what I’ve witnessed my other friends do, that he won’t be driving you crazy jealous anymore, or you won’t have to keep tieing him firmly on the ground. He’ll just… be there, with you, in the moment.
Last but not least.. he’ll listen to you.
Probably not 100% of the time, because we’re like that, but when you’re talking about anything important he’ll be eyes wide, soaking all of that information in. He’ll also put a good weight on what you say, so he won’t be dismissing your opinions like they were crap, they matter to him, you now have weight on how he feels based on what you say to him. I realised I was falling bigstyle for my partner when I would take in everything that she said and not exist in a plain of where I was sounding my own thoughts off back to myself. My ears were firmly open to her. And her words mattered to me.
…..and that’s it!
Thanks for reading, I hope you made it all the way to the end. I hope this has been eye opening, informative and handy!
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