Fight For Your Spouse, Not Against Them
by Hasani Ali
We’ve all chosen the person that we’re sleeping next to at night. We decided to fall in love with them. We gave them a chance. We invested our time, energy, money and emotions on this person.
Now your lover is your enemy—why?
Relationships are difficult, no matter what anybody tells you. Put those fantasies aside. They require a lot of work. In retrospect, there’s going to be ups and downs.
With that being in mind, why are we so quick to throw these relationships away?
Shelbie and I get phone calls from clients daily. Wives, husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends alike are verbally ripping their partners to shreds.
“I can’t stand him,” or “She gets on my nerves,” are some things that we hear daily.
Through all the frustrations and anger, we can’t help but to have one reaction after an emotional rant from one our clients that feel as if their relationship is over—a burst of laughter!
Is a person’s frustration funny? Absolutely not.
The situation becomes funny to us because we know how to steer the conversation after asking only one question.
“What made you love this person in the first place?
We love it because it does two things. First, it makes them realize that their spouse isn’t the entire problem. It puts accountability on the person doing all the nagging. Their lover can’t be that bad since they picked them, right?
Also, it makes them look at their issues from a loving perspective. The conversation immediately turns into finding a solution rather than picking at all the negatives.
You love your spouse! Remember that.
They bring some kind of value to your life, otherwise you would not have chosen to be with them.
Remember, you can’t prove how strong your relationship is unless it goes through some things. Many of us have the, “happily ever after” syndrome. We want our relationships to have no quibbles or qualms and to live in a fantasy full of love, lust and happiness.
Doesn’t necessarily work that way.
Just like any commitment, marriage takes work. The ones that survive are the marriages that put in the most work. Yes, they are some exceptions to the rule, but a successful marriage endures adversity from all angles.
Can you imagine if marriage was easy? Everyone would be married. Divorce wouldn’t be an option. Everyone would be happy.
A successful marriage can be a happy one as well! It takes getting those nails dirty and a bit of sweat. Actually, your hands will be completely dirty and you may have a few sweat rags.
Those vows are nothing to take lightly. Only in certain circumstances is where divorce is imminent. Leaving a marriage because you’re “not happy” may be sign that you either picked the wrong person or you may not quite be ready for marriage yet.
Fight for your spouse and you’ll be amazed how much they’re fighting for you. Your relationship will forever be tested. The more you get through, the stronger your relationship is with one another.
Peace, Love and Gratitude,
Hasani R. Ali