I get all of my guy mates tell me, “I just don’t understand my partner, she’s always nagging/arguing/shouting [with/at] me” Seriously guys, it’s really not that hard at all, and I’ll tell you what I always tell my friends every single time we talk. The trick with women is that they want to feel listened to. And seriously, we as a gender are generally not very good at listening. I don’t think we are anyway. So the method is to start looking into active listening and employing staying power. What do I mean by this? Well, if she tells you that she’s really unhappy with the mess in the garden maybe you should go and tidy the garden. She shouldn’t need to tell you this, but merely state it. Now the further trick is to keep at it. So don’t just do it once and then forget about it (I’m bad for this) but do it again and again and again. Why? Well, if it’s kept clean she’ll never been unhappy with that again, right? Because she’s already stated that Garden + Mess = unhappy her. By this you have demonstrated that you have listened to her, and been aware of her emotions and acted upon it. Women love this, if you’re a woman I bet you’re reading this and thinking “well said. I wish my guy/all guys could read this and take heed!”
A great interpretation of active listening – you can apply this to all areas of life.
Ok. I have active listening sorted, what next?
People tend to judge others on their own experiences / skillsets / prejudices so if you’re a guy and you’re talking to a girl online / offline and you’re thinking that she’ll definitely hook up with you because of the ripped muscles and awesome body you sport, think again. Whilst you’re admiring her great curves and lovely legs and thinking how they’d look awesome wrapped around your back she’s probably wondering how good a father you’d be, what it would be like to be married to you and how well you can provide for her. You see, although we connect well, women think on an entirely different plain to men. The last thing we’re thinking about is parenthood right? All we want to do is fuck right now. It’s probably a good thing to employ active listening whilst you’re communicating with women rather than speaking to her boobs or talking about her boobs, because, actually that’s a real turn off. Especially when that’s really not listening to her.
Ok, ok! Listening, I get it. Jeez. What next?
Women love to feel protected, it’s the way they were evolutionary wired. In fact the less they feel you “need” them the more interest she’ll have in you. It sounds weird right? Of course we need women just as much as they need us. However there’s a way to come across with too much need. So calling her 14 times when she doesn’t pick up the phone is a no, no. You’re a guy with guy friends, right? Don’t you have some guy-stuff you need to be doing right now? Women can smell that shit right off from the start, and if she smells it from you she’ll be closed for business, end of. It is part of the evolutionary chain I’m afraid. It stems from caveman times when men would go off and club other cavemen trying to infringe on their territory, but I can assure you women (and men for that matter) have changed not one iota. She still wants you to lead her into places, fend off aggressors and protect her when need be. The minute you display a need that is greater than hers – and ultimately place her at the top of the food chain she’ll be away faster than you could say bye bye. Check out my Jason Capital Make Women want you review for a good perspective on things.
Last and not least – a potential relationship is a two way thing
I hear countless. No, in fact most of the girls I have talked to in my life when discussing previous relationships have said “he wouldn’t change, he’d always be the same”. I think this may be something to do with the male ego and our need to be the driving force in a relationship, or, just to bloody grow up. However change in a relationship is important for both parties. If you demonstrate you aren’t going to change for anyone then she’ll run a mile faster than Rita Jeptoo. I’ve been married for 6 years now and I’ve changed more than I ever would have expected. It’s all about achieving the happy medium so that both of you can survive in a relationship. Not about an “evil woman trying to change me” – because she changes too.