I Thought I Was a Feminist

I thought I was a feminist
Who just loved tall women
Like you
Tall as father
Later
Towered over me

I thought I was a feminist
But I longed for you
After you left me in coffee shops,
Turned tables in restaurants,
And held me down to grope
With war hands.

I thought I was a feminist
Even though you ripped my
dainty parts, my sweetest treats,
my insides.
I reached out to your girl
You braced your hands around my neck like an awl

I thought I was a feminist
But I stayed and stayed and stayed
I never slept beside you
Though I lay there every night.

I thought I was a feminist
And then I took you back.

I thought I was a feminist–
These triggers,
scars, and
stretch marks
prove I tried to get away

I thought I was a feminist
Til I loved a woman
who hated women
Even worse
she hated me.
And still
I loved her
Still
I miss her
Still

As a toddler, Scarlet chanted, “I want to if I want.” That gutsy girl survived to tell the story--in memoir, film, and art.

We will be happy to hear your thoughts

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: