Would you like to see a picture of my willy?

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I’ve always been fond of my Willy; it was always actively involved when I was a kid. it loved teasing me and winding me up and then handing me back to my Mum wound up like a little spring activated clock. Here he is in all his glory.

Uncle Willy

(Uncle Willy)

Not what you were expecting was it? I bet most of the men that hadn’t figured out this was a joke yet would feel a bit let down that they didn’t have a chance to compare mine against theirs; it’s fine, I’m sure yours is perfectly normal. The women, disgusted I’m sure, either curious, or shrugging and telling themselves “what’s one more dick pic in a thousand million I have pending in my inbox going to matter” as they went to click on the subject line to see what I had to show.

It’s where us men struggle a bit with the online world. We somehow think that sending a picture of our dicks is something that a random woman wants — really, I’m talking to you guys that *actually* think sending pictures of your dick is flattering to a lady. I’ll let you into a secret, it’s quite the opposite, and if you’re already in a long-distance relationship and haven’t met her yet, and she’s asking you for one, then I’d hazard a guess that she wants to know what she’s in for when she sees you.

Firstly, women talk — if you want your genitals to be plastered everywhere; to your friends, your family, and women that know you (and will probably stay well clear of you now) then by all means, send that picture of your one-eyed trouser snake. She’ll be sharing it with ALL of her friends in no time, and her male ones too. The amount of dick pics I have been subjected to from my wife’s friends during their single years is unfathomable. It’s like a fucking epidemic.

It’s a sexually aggressive act. Dude, nothing tells a woman that you want to sexually dominate her more than sending her a picture of your trouser truncheon out of the blue. It’s like telling her that you want to tie her up and have your wicked way with her — it’s probably not what you intended but she’ll get that from you and run a mile, or send the pic to your Mum as this lady did. Yup, you asked for it.

Women are NOT very visual with attraction, she probably finds your whang like an inanimate object — like a hammer. You don’t sit there and admire the tools, it’s the craftmanship that people coo over. Burn that lesson into your thick skull please.

You’re giving other dudes a bad name, my friend. Do you know how many defences I have to break through with random women on the internet I want to reach out to because of your inability to keep your willy in your pants? Like seriously? It’s something I really shouldn’t have to do but I find myself doing ALL the time. Guilty until proven innocent — and it’s people like you that are causing this.

Perhaps instead of whipping out your bishop and presenting it to the first lady you find attractive then perhaps you should learn the art of conversation? You know, learn to talk to a woman? She’ll love you forever if you just talk and listen to her rather than get out Percy when she’s least expecting it. If you finally learn to talk to women, and you find one that you like, and she likes you back, she may actually ‘ask’ you to get it out, and she’ll do one better; touch it and stroke it. I shit you not man!

If you can’t talk to women, then I get it, I couldn’t once upon a time either, it was hard for me. You know what I did? I got up and learned about them, read books, interacted with them, talked, laughed and cried with them, and do you know what was really strikingly obvious? You can talk a lady into bed. You can’t get her to like you just via visual.

Talk to them

Stop sending cock picks.

Please.

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I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

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