Men and Pregnancy

For me I wanted to cock-a-doodle-doo it from the roof tops. My partner and I were old enough and sensible enough to know what we were doing. We both were at the notion of, “well, we’ll see what happens, and if it happens, then great”. Truth be told I wanted a stable family and so did Natalie. We both wanted it, and when it came along it was like our dreams came true. I don’t think we both truly thought we could have children. Me? I thought I was too fucked up to even entertain the notion that I was going to get a woman pregnant, and I’ve a suspicion that Natalie didn’t think she could either.

For me, and a lot of other men it’s like shouting that you don’t shoot duds from the rooftop. It’s definitely a subconscious life goal, to protect the familial genes. That’s why you’ll often see someone in the pub handing out cigars when he’s found out that his wife or partner is pregnant (it’s a British thing). I’d often get confused as to why this was happening, I mean his news is great and all but shouldn’t they be celebrating it with their partners. Anyway, I’m not here to judge

I remember the wanting to thrust my thighs into oblivion went on for a few months at least, until the realisation that I was going to be a father and the responsibilities it would entail started to loom over me like a heavy weight. Helping the wife and the notion that I was going to be a Dad was excellent. I had a great sense of pride in caring for the wife over the coming months, and she needed a lot of help. For the first time in our relationship I truly felt that I was protecting her and that was a good thing for me. My wife is a strong woman, and it took me quite a while to reach her level, so back then, protecting her was near orgasmic for me.

It’s about the time that it’s actually going to happen is the do or die moment. I remember I panicked and I rushed Natalie into the hospital, and the doctor said, yep, you’re dilated, time to get you in some robes and start you having this child. I remember the existential dread that swamped me. I remember thinking, shit, I’m totally not ready for this. I just wanted to be at home and and watch movies with the wife on my day off. I totally wanted to brush this under the carpet. I didn’t want it to happen. I had been brushing thoughts of the birth away for at least two months now, and in the next few months I was going to actually have to deal with this.

I think for many men this is hard to deal with. The point when it dawns upon them that there’s going to be three people in the family now and they aren’t the primary focus. Some men deal with it perfectly and just deal, some run away, and others seek companionship from other women as a way to vent their emotions. Sounds strange but I’ve seen all three happen in my lifetime, and I expect it will come long after I’m gone.

Protip: If you want your man to keep with you, constantly and always, then involve him with everything. I see a lot of women fail by creating a little bubble between them and their child while leaving their partners on the sidelines. Involve him with everything. I’ve never ever felt excluded because I’ve always been involved in every minute decision of my son, from the minute he was born up until now.

When Alex was born I remember the doctor placing him on Natalie’s belly and then taking him to get weighed and then to warm up. Once he was all settled they rested him on my arms for me to have a talk to. To be honest I didn’t know what to think, or say. For a man bonding doesn’t come naturally like it does with a woman, we have to be around them for quite a while. So at that moment in time he felt a bit like a little blob on my arms screwing up his little face at the cold air. It took me a few weeks of changing nappies, hugs, talking to my wee man and spending late nights cuddling him whilst watching random crap on TV so the Mrs could get some sleep before I truly became attached to him. And from there it’s been a lovely ride.

I can’t say we’re perfect but I feel like we’re a threesome. Not just Alex and I, or Natalie and Alex, and me tagging along. I feel all three of us are equal. And it was achieved because my partner allowed me to spend time with my son and involved me with everything. She realises how important having a Dad is to a little boy, and I do too. I’m even there for when he’s hurt himself and needs some masculine hugs. It’s a requirement to healthy living in life. That being said it hasn’t been an easy ride. From a miscarriage to postnatal depression, but I have been there for her and she has been there for me. Life is tough and we’ve needed to be there for each other.

I want my Son to have everything I wasn’t afforded in childhood

Men and Pregnancy