Single Mums only exist for the money

Yep. Being a single Mum in today’s world seems more and more of a life choice. Want government hand outs? Want a house? Want an unlimited amount of free help? Yeah, come and be a single Mum. It pays to be unattached with one or more children. You can also change your job title on some web apps like Facebook as a single Mum. Great!

Actually. If you believe all of the above then I’m guessing you’re single or you’ve never had a child, or you haven’t been raised in a single parent household. And plus, who are we to judge? It’s a bit of a trend right now that I can’t say that I cant really jump on the bandwagon of. My Mum was a single Mum for most of my childhood after splitting up with the God awful man she was married to. It was a choice, but not one she took lightly. She tried and tried, but in the end it just had to end. Why? Most importantly for my sanity, and hers.

You see, I’m betting 99% of women that are single with child didn’t actually happen on that circumstance by choice. When my wife had a hysterectomy last year I was basically a single parent for 2 months. Do you know how HARD that stuff is? I mean how Mums fit in work on top of that is beyond me. Not only did I have to try and get my work done, I had to make sure Alex was fine, had plenty to do, I was fine, the house was tidy, we had clean clothes, full bellies and sufficiently watered. You may look at that and laugh, easy peasy! Ok you try keeping a 5 year old happy whilst you have the dinner to cook and your boss is asking you for a reconvene.

All single Mums I know work, and that’s because what the state gives you is pennies. And the help, unless you’re desperately searching for it is less than zero. People don’t come to you, you have to take the step to go to them. Unless of course they want to take your kids away, but that’s a different story altogether. I can remember us having no TV as a eight year old boy because Mum couldn’t afford it. Then as an older teenager all my friends had toy boxes full to the brim. I didn’t have any of that. Can you imagine how my Mum felt about it all? I still knows she cries deep down inside for the childhood that I had. Yet there are people that believe Mums do this for money.

Single Mums aren’t what you see in the Daily Mail, the Telegraph or the News and Benefits Street. Single Mums are hard working, likeable people. They exist all around us. Not multi-benefit claiming, state sponsored hoo hahs. Do you know any of those personally? Then think of how many single mums you know personally? There. Answered it for you.

Shouldn’t we be focussing a bit more on the useless fathers? The ones that spout out children ten to the dozen but don’t have any involvement in their upbringing? The ones the beat up and molest their children? The ones that psychologically damage their children from a young age? No-one speaks up about this. Or hardly anyone does. Remember my recovery story if you’ve read it? Since then I’ve had tons of people tell me their harrowing stories that some of them reduced me to tears. But they feel too ashamed to spread it. And I can relate.

Now let’s not get sidetracked. For every ten good men there’s one bad – so I’m not trying to paint a horrific hate men picture here, because I’m male myself. And, I think that I’m a fairly decent person. The same with women. Women aren’t all great mothers. Just because you had a child doesn’t mean you’re instantly an awesome parent. You have to build love, trust, empathy with your child and educate them on the world. It’s not just their teachers to do that.

So perhaps the next time you see a single Mum, don’t instantly judge; think to yourself how hard it must be in her situation and that you wouldn’t like to be in her situation yourself. Because it’s damn tough, and the little resources you have go entirely on your kid (which includes your energy).

 

single mums only exist for the money
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I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

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