Sowing the seeds of toxicity

Sowing the seeds of toxicity

You’ll be mine one day, yes you will. You don’t know it yet, but you will

You can’t see it yet but your boyfriend is an arsehole. How could you be with a man like that? He treats you with a disdain that I would never ever do. I treat all my lady friends with total respect, look, like the way I’m tying your shoes right now.

Is it natural for you to be with a man that shouts at you and makes you cry? That lovely, sweet voice of yours, being used for nothing else but the endless tears of a failed relationship? Why? Oh god why? And the way he makes you feel constantly, the last time we were all together and he joked about your bum being big. I saw you, I knew you laughed it off, but you didn’t like it, not one bit. You told me afterwards, you told me afterwards as your cried into my arms that he never listens to you. It’s hard.

Don’t I listen to you? I’ve seen you do this a hundred times before. I listen to your every need. I listen to your every want.

Oh, why won’t you just see me for who I am, beautiful lady? Beautiful lady that I emotionally crutch day in, and day out. I’m so nice and super awesome, why won’t you date me?

Look, I’ll sit here and listen to you all night if you like until 6am, even when I have work tomorrow, I’ll do it. Your woes, your secrets, your dreams. I’ll listen to all of it. The whole damn lot. I’ll be the guy that you always wanted. The guy that services your every needs, you’ll absolutely be head over heels with me, I promise. Not like this shithead you complain about constantly. Why do you even date him anyway when you can have someone so much better like me? He’s a knuckle dragging moron, not educated like me, not able to make you feel better, or connect with you like I do. You’re batting well below your league again with this one girl, choose me, I’m so much more better.

Oh you need a favour at 5am? Oh wow, sure, yes, I’ll go put my coat on and do everything for you, I’ll take you where you need to go or where you need to be, I’ll listen to everything you tell me and I’ll make sure it’s done. I’m the best friend you’ll EVER have. You see I’m already treating you as if I’m dating you, my heart has swelled big, you’re in it, you’re so far into my heart that I probably couldn’t cut you out with wire cutters. I’m totally getting off on the attention and the,

“Awww, your so nice, why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?”

Why can’t you see it? I’m lovely. You say it yourself, but you never apply those thoughts!! I’m a chivalrous cavalier, the way my Mum taught me to be, you’d lose in life without anyone like me. Honestly, chose me.

I think you’re not getting the hint now, pretty lady, I might just pluck up the courage to ask you out on a date, I’ve been gearing up for this for a long time, I want to be sure, I can’t take rejection very well, so please be gentle with me. We have such a connection, such a bond, it’s so.. so empowering. I.. I

I love you pretty lady. I’ve feel head over heels and my heart is for taking, take me, please say yes.

I can’t believe you said that “you’re just not looking to date guys right now” – two fucking days later and you just started to date another total bastard. I get it, I totally get it. Well, actually, I don’t. But I know one thing,

Girls are a bunch of bastards. Pure cunts. I hate you pretty lady, you fucking used me.

Bitch.

All you wanted from me was your emotions tended for, and I’d come running, you knew it, well no more, no more. You are NOT my friend.

Hey, wait a minute friend-dude.

Can’t honestly say that I ever gave you the hint that we would be anything more than friends? All my friends tend to my emotional needs, why is it bad for me that I asked you do the same? And look at all those times I sat there with YOU, when YOU needed something calming. Yeah, you forgot about the amount of emotionally draining times I spent with you to sort out the things in your head. But it’s not about me, it’s always been about you, hasn’t it?

I fucking hate Xbox live day, but because you’re my mate and sometimes you are alone I come and spend it with you. Is that so bad? Am I a bad person? Am I a bad person that I give a shit about other people? Typically those that I deem friends?

And whoa. Since when the hell were you the gods gift to women? If you were such a catchable guy wouldn’t I be dodging all the women falling at your feet to get close to you? No, the moment you placed yourself on a higher pedestal than my boyfriend, or any other man for that matter, you lost. You lost because in your weird and insecure way you strangely see yourself as perfect. How can that be? How can someone so flawed, and shy, and risk adverse and scared to do anything outwith their own shadow feel that they are even close to perfectionism? I mean are you fucking serious? Really? My partner’s definitely not perfect, but he’s mine, and it’s those parts that I love about him, even if he doesn’t emotionally open up as much as he should and I have to talk to my friends – you – to get some advice.

Listen, it’s a basic requirement in life to be nice. If that’s all you are, then there’s not much to you then is there?

I thought I was in a good position, having a guy friend, but I get it now. I totally get it.

It doesn’t matter that I have feelings, you never cared. You didn’t give a fuck about any of that, and I get it because you blocked me on Facebook after me declini.. – urgh, sorry, compose myself, – me declining to be your girlfriend. I’ve always been mature about this stuff and when that friendship bond is made, it’s hard to let go of good friends. Obviously you weren’t one. You only wanted to fuck me. You only wanted to get into my pants and have your wicked way with me. I can see that now, I can see that with how easily you’ve let go of our friendship. I was disposable, a bit like your feelings.

Fuck why are guys SO hard to be friends with? You’re all wankers.

Come to think about it, did I ever know you? You only liked the same things I liked, you only did the same things I did, apart from the xbox live nights, man, dating you would have been like dating myself, you could never say no to me. I can’t have that in a man, I need tamed, I need to know that he’s strong, that he kicks back, that he has a spine and that I’ll not always get my own way. Christ you’re a moron if you ever thought I’d date you.

Your loss though.

Sowing the seeds of toxicity

Sowing the seeds of toxicity

I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

1 Comment
  1. […] Baxter takes an experimental second person approach in looking at the ways we sow the seeds of toxicity into our relationships. This is a very interesting read that moves us inside the minds of both […]

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