If you’re in a relationship solely seeking the benefits of what someone else can do for you, then perhaps a relationship may not be what you’re ready for yet.

Whether you’re seeking a partner for a long-term commitment or marriage, any relationship requires two people working together towards common goals, if they be family, economics, spiritual journey, etc.

This means two individuals working as a team.

Although a couple is progressing together towards mutually decided plans, they’re still going to have differences. The core beliefs may be the same, but they can still clash over such things as behavior, culture, philosophy, childhood upbringing and so many more elements.

There will be some things about your lover that you may not like; ideas you disagree with. From living habits to entertainment choices, something will get under your skin. Don’t believe me? Ask any couple that’s been together for 10 years.  Or 5.

Love requires sacrifice.

Meaning that some “flaws” will have to be accepted—taking the good with the bad, so to speak. What makes love so special is that your loved one’s positive traits supersede all of the shortcomings.

I’ll use my wife as an example; why I love her so much.

My wife is a messy cook. No matter if she’s making soup, pancakes, or sandwiches, an empty kitchen sink gets filled in an instant.

Multiple spoons, bowls, and cups cover the countertops. All used as tools to ensure that whatever she’s cooking will be made to perfection.

But guess who has to wash those dishes?

As I’m scrubbing and cleaning, I’m staring down at the sink, thinking about how many dishes could’ve been spared had I done the cooking.

Then, I have another thought.

Dinner was so delicious! I totally discounted her cooking methods; she uses every spice, herb, and condiment to make sure she really puts her mark on each meal!

That makes washing the dishes not such bad duty.

Here’s where you pick your battles:  you can either ask her to change who she is or embrace the method to her madness.

What works much to the detriment of many relationships is too many people are trying to change their lover to serve their own selfish agenda.

This typically sounds like, “stop hanging out with your friends so much” or “why do you spend your money on yourself when you can spend that money on me?”

Two people in a relationship are still individuals. We are all on our own paths; the purpose of our mates, beyond companionship, is to simply complement who we are and to strive together towards common ambitions.

When selfishness enters the situation, that’s when turmoil begins to arise. The more it occurs, the more likely your relationship becomes a continuous power struggle.

Remember to be selfless in your relationship. If your lover is good to you, then reciprocity will return well for you. The more you give, the more you will receive.

Those who are only for self in relationships are using the unit to compensate for something that they’re lacking in their life.

Mainly people use relationships for validation.

If someone doesn’t feel so in shape, sexy, intelligent, humorous or a valuable, they typically search for somebody else to find value in them.

Think about it, you would feel good about yourself if someone laughed at your jokes, took you out to eat, complimented you, valued your opinion or gave you sex, right?

Those types of relationships typically result in insecurity issues, mistrust and lack of communication. True love allows two people to be individuals in a relationship. Being selfless means that sometimes your significant other may go enjoy hobbies or people that you don’t particularly care for—and you’re happy that they’re happily enjoying these activities.

A selfless relationship at times means to pick up the slack when your significant other cannot. An effort by both parties should always be 50/50. However, that’s not always the case. Some days it may be 60/40, other times it may be 90/10. We all have to work harder to keep the stability of the relationship afloat at times.

If you’re currently dating or getting to know someone, pay attention to their actions. If they require for you to give more than you receive, then you may be looking at a selfish person.

A relationship always involves reciprocity. Know that two people should be working together for a common purpose, not for self-gratification.

Hasani Ali is the co-founder of Twin Flame Coalition and co-author of the book, “Fasting: Make Your Love Electric.” He and his wife (Shelbie) are devoted to restore relationships to their optimum level. The journalist-turned-author now help couples understand the direct correlation between healthy food and healthy relationships. Partnered with several universities across Michigan and now with Google, the Ali’s bring an elaborate presentation to help understand the true purpose of relationships and marriage. Hasani has served as a keynote speaker and panelist for the Heart 2 Heart Relationship Series and Black Marriage Day 2018. Catch him every Wednesday morning on A-List Jams Radio at 7:30 a.m. on Instagram or Facebook live to receive the best tools and strategies to manifest or maintain a relationship.

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