4 Places where good men are, and where to find them
Okay. Let’s just start by saying that you will literally find good men everywhere. If you’re getting ready to don that dating dress, or if you are already knee deep in hunkalicious men dates, then you need to start thinking ‘abundance’. Men are abundantly everywhere. I mean come on, look out your window, right? Unless you live in a village where there are literally twenty people and half of those are old and married, then men are everywhere.
Let’s begin this piece by stating unequivocally where you won’t find good men. Yeah, you might find a good man dotted here or there in a bar or a pub, even more so if you’re younger, but if you’re in your thirties like me and your biological clock is ticking then probably looking for a decent man in a bar or a pub is the wrong way to go about things. Why? Well, men go out on those days to get hammered, smashed, pie-eyed, trollied or whatever you want to call drunk. Oh and fuck. Yeah, we like to get the old candle wick wet on a night out and have a good drink. That’s about it. I went to a nightclub almost ten years ago and it was the last time I went out, why? Because everyone seemed as if they had just finished school and I stuck out like a sore thumb. I wanted to sit down and have a nice chat about societal change from Political pressures, rather than hold onto the floor whilst trying to slobber over someone.
You can also find a good man at work too, but be prepared for everyone to get involved in your life and make it all your business. My Mum dated a man from her work eons ago, and she said,
“Raymond, whatever you do, never date someone from work. They just want to know everything, they’re so nosey”
And they are. If you want your love life handed on a silver platter to all your workmates, your ups and downs and everything, then that’s fine, but it’s certainly not for me.
For me, anyway, I’ve compiled a lovely list of where I’ve found the most decent men I’ve met. And whilst not trying to stereotype this, or make it a class thing, because I know assholes and awesome people are everywhere, this is just personally, where I’ve found the nicest people I’ve ever come across. Bear with me, I’ll try and give my reasons too!
A technical group of some similarity to my likes and dislikes
Sounds quirky, yup, but out of these groups I’ve found men are very interesting. In the dating world it’s definitely an each to their own experience. What works for one person might not necessarily work for the next. I would always falter where I would be jealous of my friends snagging a girl that I may have perhaps liked, yet, the more I experience life, the more that I understand matches aren’t made on looks alone, and that a partner must stimulate the mental and physical. So for me, trawling these groups is a great way to meet interesting and likeminded males, because they are interested into everything I am! I’ve made a ton of good bloke friends from joining similar activity groups. LAN gaming groups were awesome for me to hit up a few good friends, but I’m just weird that way. Whatever floats your boat I’m sure you’ll find a few great groups to hang out in, and if that’s the over 60’s gentlemans club, then go for it!
Hard to attract the man of your dreams when they have a thousand other females dripping from their feet? I always say the strongest women are those that are able to tame the lion. Social media has been such a change in the way in which we date each other now. When I was young you had to get to know people offline and we more or less didn’t travel far from our little towns. Yet social media has opened up a vast expanse of global mobility that we previously thought not possible. I dated a lady in Malta fourteen years ago. Would that have been possible prior to internet days? Nope.
And so we are able to select those of us that we have an attraction to. The trick is to not get bogged down by just looking for ‘anyone’, do some work on yourself. Find out your likes and dislikes, and it’s ok to be picky regardless of what thousands of others will tell you. If some guy isn’t floating your boat, leave him for the other ladies to pick up. No sense wasting your good time on someone, right? One lady’s frog is another girl’s prince as they say. And set yourself apart from the rest. What’s your best parts? Shake those damn things! Take me for example, I know I have super gorgeous eyes and a lovely abundant empathic approach to life, I use that to my advantage! It’s like anything in life, work on the positive, ditch the negative.
Dating apps like Tinder!
Sounds strange, right? These things have such a bad rep for the trolls and witches they produce. But all needen’t be lost. Questions and selectiveness is your friend. Don’t just answer any old bloke, in fact, be weird, be unique, be yourself. The more you act like yourself the more you’ll attract a man that’s a good match for you. One of my favourite bloggers, Samara Speaks talks about her tinder episodes in depth and how using neat, yet communicative tips on how to open a guy up can get them talking a bit more about themselves.
And by that she’s able to filter out men that just want to meet and fuck. And us guys need a little nudging too, sometimes we get wrapped up in the sexiness of it all, we just need that little nudging back into the ‘reality zone’. All of us blokes have heard those bro-tips on how to get that girl, but mostly it’s all smut and crap our friends have picked up from their failed relationships or porn. Trust yourself and the person that you’re talking to in that moment. Putting them on the spot helps, people are their truest selves when put on the spot.
Literally at any moment, at any time
I’ve always said dating is a mindset. And it comes to us, or at least the best ones do when we’re least expecting it. You could be looking at watermelons in the grocery store as a filler for your hungry brood when he pops up, unnanounced, looking to ask you a question, and you’re thinking,
“Wow, cutie. Where the hell did you appear from?”
Or you could just be walking along, minding your own business, and in the distance you spot a man that you just ‘have’ to know better, we all have those moments. I see people all the time I want to get to know better. The trick is not to be always on the lookout, we men have a sense for that just like you ladies do. I know “nice guys” have the internet supremacy for being undateable men at the moment, but let’s not forget the ever abundant and forever available “nice girls” out there. Be unavailable, do things for most of your week, get an interest, or a hobby, there’s stuff you absolutely need to do! Whether that’s researching Russia’s Political stance on the environment or shooting some pool with your besties. That’s your time and that’s important.
Most of all have fun with life
You’ll probably notice that this post was written in a way that leaves everything, everywhere open to suggestion. That’s why I say meeting that special someone, is and always will be a frame of mind. You just can’t meet that someone who may be special for you if you literally cling onto anything available. And the other way can be said too, if you’re too picky, then you limit the potential of some men. Take me for example, when my wife first met me I had no money, living in a shabby house, with barely any friends, and working in a job that barely covered my bills let alone food, and at first glance I didn’t have much going for me. But if you looked behind the curtains you would have seen a man that was bristling with enthusiasm to change, wanted to change very badly, and was on the cusp of something great with his life. Now? I’m a different person now. I’ve achieved local and national recognition, educated myself to university, have worked in several managerial positions, and live in a nice house with a lovely family.
Potential is everything.
Sometimes we need to look beyond the present, and see what we potentially can have rather than what’s presented with us now. I think that’s important.
Most of all, don’t look for that damn spark all the time. When there’s a spark it’s good, but that spark will die away just as quick as it comes. To me the spark delivers obsession rather than long term commitment. Most of the girl that I’ve had a ‘spark’ with, I look back and think it probably wasn’t the greatest of relationships at the time looking ahead. Luckily it ended quickly. For me a relationship is the building of something strong, getting to know each other, building the bricks of a long term commitment. Think about that before ditching someone purely on an intense physical reaction that creates an addiction and can often have us floating in the realms of fantasy rather than reality.
Keep those feet firmly on the ground, girl!
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