Why are women so emotional?

Why are women so emotional? Because they are up front and direct about their emotions.

I have just finished watching season 2 of MTV’s “Ex on the beach” and it plays right into that exact stereotype. In this show, the men are cool, calm and collected and mostly only want to have sex with anything that has a pulse. And the women want to grab a man and settle down with him, until, of course, his ex appears and then all hell breaks loose. It’s messy, it’s crazy and if you’re asking the question “why are women so emotional?” this would answer a few good questions for you. I’m a people watcher, it’s why I LOVE these shows, they’re raw and real for the most part. Geordie Shore is another favourite of mine, which has a fair few emotional men and women on it to say the least.

Yet to outwardly ask ourselves why are women so emotional and not take a look at ourselves and our own emotions, as men, we’d be missing a trick or two. We think on two completely different levels. Often to toxic levels. Take me for example, I bottled up my emotions for many, many years. They were like a septic pit of crap waiting to boil over into my mind and poision my thoughts, and they did in the end. I was full of negative feelings and emotions that needed to come out some way or another, and it happened. Often at the most inconvenient of times.

Women are in touch with their emotional side

For women, being in touch with your emotional side is natural. It’s also instinctual with a side of learned behaviour. If you take a young girl at the time young boys are told to stop crying, and to ‘man up’, they are allowed to run rampant with their emotions. When we see a woman cry it’s subliminal code for boys and girls to come running, to ask what’s the matter, to get hugs and cuddles and warmth all around. Girls are shown from a very young age that being emotional is perfectly acceptable in any sort of situation. Take my wife for example, she starts to cry when things get too stressful or painful for her. I don’t think anything of it, neither does anyone else.

But if we examine men, on the whole, what’s your reaction if you see a random man break down in tears and wails of terror in the middle of the street? We auto-think something is wrong with him, that perhaps he’s not right in the head? He’s broken? There is a terrible double standard in society when it comes to men and emotions. We only need look back to the 80’s when it was considered ‘manly’ to bravely face the wrong end of a gun before your lights are firmly put out. Sorry, but after I had pissed and crapped myself, I may have enough time in there to plead and cry for my life. I have a family that loves me after all.

Us men? We need to open up

Why are women so emotional? Because we, as men, haven’t learned to be in tune with our emotions yet. It may seem like women are crazy, emotional, neurotic bitches spawned by the devil himself to reign death upon all that is regarded sacred and holy by men. But the fact of the matter is that it only seems that way because men aren’t getting in tune with their emotions at all. Whereas, y’know, we’re human too. We need to accept the fact that sometimes we WILL feel vulnerable and emotional. Sometimes we WILL break down and have a cry. Bottling it up serves absolutely no purpose at all.

That’s probably not the answer you were looking for, that women are acting more naturally when it comes to emotions than what men are, and it only appears like they are emotional. But it’s the truth. It is what it is. And one of the most uncommonly talked about topics is men and emotions. Us lads, we don’t gather around a table in the beer house talking about how we feel we’re doing with our partners, or how uncomfortable it felt and the vulnerable position it put us in to be chastised by our manager. Nah. We sit around there and pretend everything is the best ever. We talk about beer, sex and women. Maybe some other topics in there, but never feelings.

man opening up to feelings

Make no mistake. Men feel strongly

That’s not to say men DON’T feel though. I mean we’re not rocks that you smack with a hammer to see if you can find a dribble of emotion. We feel all the time, and sometimes more strongly than women (or some women, at least), we just never talk about it, or rarely. We retreat to our man cave and process the information differently, seeing our neagtive emotions as barriers to overcome. We are the logical thinkers of the family, the problem solvers that view our emotions in the moment, rather than the woman, who can pick a vast array of emotional occurences that have made her feel uncomfortable to use as ammunition at any given moment.

Let’s stop asking ourselves why are women so emotional, and perhaps look into the deeper issues and meanings? Why does it feel like this is the case? Where do I stand in the grand scheme of things? It’s what I do with everything, especially before I outwardly accuse anyone of anything.

Throughout life I have come to realise that everything I feel and do outwardly is a reflection on how I feel at the time. If I feel love, I give out love, if I feel listened to, I listen to other people, and if I feel cherished, I cherish other people. It might sound rather strange for me to say this but think of the way you experience life as a reflection on how you feel about yourself (apart from circumstances outwith your control). I’m a leader by nature. As a young boy I didn’t feel loved by my Dad, or any of the boyfriends my Mum had, and it led to me into hating myself. Regardless of what anyone tells you, parental figures play a crucial part in the transferring of behaviours to their kids

The bottom line

Why are women so emotional? Perhaps you’re the cause! Remember the video at the start? Why are those women turning bat shit crazy and devil eyed? It’s not for no reason.

And if you’re a jumped up dick that thinks men should be all steel muscle and no emotion? Well, I’ve got bad news for you….

But there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Realising that you have a softer side is the key, that perhaps us men do have a bit of estrogen in our bodies, and at times we can be a bit vulnerable or sad, and want to cry. It means you’re experiencing life healthily, really, don’t fight against it. Never fight against it.

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Why are women so emotional - a man's thoughts
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I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

6 COMMENTS

  1. It is an absolute myth that women are in touch with their emotions. They are not, and if they are, they don’t understand their own emotions, and certainly not the emotions of a man – to generalize. It is not a good message to keep sending to men that “you don’t know your emotions but women do” or that aggression, frustration, or anger would not be emotions the same way as neediness, entitlement issues, and desperate clinginess are. Men are often rightfully angry and frustrated. Those are valid emotions the same way as anything positive is. To blame men for women being emotional is absolutely ridiculous. 🙂 They may well be, but do they have the right to cling onto another human being who doesn’t necessarily want to be there, because THEY have needs? Men have to curb theirs, but women get to dictate what needs of theirs have to be met by whatever man they choose to give that responsibility to? Bullocks.

    My question is: Why are men so eager to defend their oppressor?

    • Ah, see,

      Then perhaps we swing in different circles. My wife, for example, is completely in tune with what, how, and why she feels – like most of the other women I know.

      I think you’re also misreading what I said. Being ‘in tune’ with emotions is completely different to ‘experiencing’ emotions. I could be angry at the stupid woman screaming at her kids unecessarily, so I’m experiencing anger. But what I may not realise is that this stems from a place where I was treated unfairly by my parents in my childhood. Experiencing / in tune, two completely different things.

      Your last statement, before the question – don’t you think one should reflect on how he makes another person feel? I write about equality, understanding the other persons needs. It’s like Politics, one should attempt to understand the other side of the equation before looking for a solution. My opinion, anyway.

      I have never ever felt oppressed by any woman. Can’t say I have – I ask you a question. Why do you feel oppressed? 🙂

  2. Oh my goodness Raymond, not Austin (:-)), – the comment I left on the previous post, Are Women Better Than Men, would fit here too! Even in the most ideal of baby rearing conditions, where all innate needs are met in a kind and timely manner – men and women are usually very different. Some people would argue that those differences are by nature and some would argue they are from social conditioning. Whatever the reason, we are very different.

    So even in men and women adults who have excellent mental health and who have peaceful relationships with others, there are differences which could potentially cause misunderstandings.

    Once we add poor mental health to the equation (and that could be anything from low level low self-esteem to being a fully fledged psychopath), the potential for trouble between people (not just between men and women) is greatly exacerbated.

    Baby rearing was hijacked by big business a long time ago and it saddens me when I see new parents more focused on buying ‘stuff’ to fill a nursery than they are on understanding a babies innate emotional needs.

    For many humans, the oppression begins with our main caregivers who do not understand that the needs of tiny humans have not changed since the dawn of time. We need time, love, warmth, gentleness, understanding, proper bonding and protection. We don’t need gadgets, emotional neglect/abuse, rough handling, or a constant stream of damaged adults in our lives.

    If you plant a little seed and then block the sun by standing over it, it will not grow strong and healthy.

  3. thanks for sharing! This is a barrier every time I have men in my counseling room. GIving them permission to experience and express their emotions however they want and feel comfortable, as long as its safe for both of us!

    • That’s awesome that you do that – men grow up thinking emotions are bad, and that we should distance ourselves from them. – which nothing can be further from the truth.

      I love it when I see supportive statements from women, thank you 🙂

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