Why “being yourself” is exactly what you should do on a first date.

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We all have female friends on some level, and being female they all want to see the best for us; be that in life or in love. So when your female friend tells you to “just be yourself” when you’re nervous about a first date, that’s exactly what you should do. Be your own self. That very person that took your parents life by storm when you were born into the world.

It’s hard to be ourselves though in a world that continuously tells us that we’re someone else. It’s difficult to define who you are when there are adverts on TV telling us that men do this and men do that, and the daily rag gently reminds us that men are currently destroying the world “again”. You see, us men (and women, but that’s a different post) are constantly reminded everywhere of what we should be and where we are going in life, can we not think for ourselves? Nice to have my life laid out for me.

What if you’re not like this idealistic persona of rugged-husbandry the media portrays us to be? What if we actually are a bit whiny sometimes and cry on the odd occasion? What if physical aggression scares us and we like to solve our problems through negotiation? What if we don’t look like a god damned Fireman. Only firemen get the hot ladies, right? The media tells us so.

With all this in mind you’re on the first date with the most beautiful girl you’ve ever met in your life, somehow she’s managed to agree to go on a date with you and you sit there, thinking, nervously thinking, what if I fuck up? What if I let her in a bit deeper into my life and it weirds her out? Won’t she run a mile? It’s hard not to go all macho isn’t it? To sneakily add a few notches to your bedpost when she asks, or to tell her that caber you tossed was a 10-foot beast as thick as your body when in actual fact you were only throwing sticks for your dog. I’m sure this is quite natural to try and boost ourselves when we feel uncomfortable.

I feel we are doing ourselves a disservice though. Who cares if you can’t lift a table without help from another person, who cares if you make 10 thousand less than her ex boyfriend. There are a thousand million good points about you, right? After all she wouldn’t be sitting here with you in the first place. Sometimes we tend to focus too much of the negative and we can lose sight of what makes us unique and awesome. In my opinion a person that feels the need to big themselves up lacks self esteem, and you can rid yourself of this by focusing on all the positives in your life.

I’m not perfect; I shout, I swear, I fart (a lot), my wife is continually frustrated with me as is my Son, but I still feel I am an awesome person because my positives far outweigh my negatives, or at least I like to think that way. It’s a mindset. Learn to think positive and the rest will fall into place.

Anyway, back to the first date. She’s already interested in you, she’s known you for (x) amount of time and likes who you are. Don’t change anything, she likes you for you, and not some beefed up arrogant arsehole. I’ve heard no end of women say – “he was so different on our first date” and that is because in our minds the playing feel has changed. Technically it hasn’t though, it’s still the same. Be yourself, be awesome 🙂

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I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

  1. […] I can’t stress being yourself enough. If you’re nervous then that’s fine, if your hand shakes when you’re nervous that’s also fine. Whatever happens it’s fine. Because at the end of the day you are you and no amount of ability will change that. If you put on loads of fakeness she’ll know. Women have a better sense for situations than us men, I don’t know why, it just is. If she says no then whatever you do don’t fret. It just means that you both weren’t compatible and you should move on with your life. Onto the next lady to ask out! There is no such thing as “omg she was the only one for me” when there is literally a plethora of women out in the world. You’ll find one. Don’t worry. Abundance, keep thinking abundance. […]

  2. […] Confidence is definitely sexy on people. How do you feel when you are in your normal friend circle? Do you make a lot of suggestions? Lead some activities? Or are you just happy to tag along? This can give you a great idea of where you are in the pecking order. It also subliminally tells you when are where your suggestions are welcomed, or not. Us men compare this all the time. Because we’re all natural born leaders primally. […]

  3. […] As a young man I was always looking for that illustrious spark we all know and admire when it comes …. The fierce and intense wanting to be with each other, the butterflies in your tummy when they call and the excitement when you’re off out on a date. It’s all really really nice that part of the relationship, getting to know one another for the first time; realising you both have SO much in common yet SO much more to learn off each other. You could spend an entire weekend in bed with one another and yet not realise so much time has passed. […]

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