Why “being yourself” is exactly what you should do on a first date.
We all have female friends on some level, and being female they all want to see the best for us; be that in life or in love. So when your female friend tells you to “just be yourself” when you’re nervous about a first date, that’s exactly what you should do. Be your own self. That very person that took your parents life by storm when you were born into the world.
It’s hard to be ourselves though in a world that continuously tells us that we’re someone else. It’s difficult to define who you are when there are adverts on TV telling us that men do this and men do that, and the daily rag gently reminds us that men are currently destroying the world “again”. You see, us men (and women, but that’s a different post) are constantly reminded everywhere of what we should be and where we are going in life, can we not think for ourselves? Nice to have my life laid out for me.
What if you’re not like this idealistic persona of rugged-husbandry the media portrays us to be? What if we actually are a bit whiny sometimes and cry on the odd occasion? What if physical aggression scares us and we like to solve our problems through negotiation? What if we don’t look like a god damned Fireman. Only firemen get the hot ladies, right? The media tells us so.
With all this in mind you’re on the first date with the most beautiful girl you’ve ever met in your life, somehow she’s managed to agree to go on a date with you and you sit there, thinking, nervously thinking, what if I fuck up? What if I let her in a bit deeper into my life and it weirds her out? Won’t she run a mile? It’s hard not to go all macho isn’t it? To sneakily add a few notches to your bedpost when she asks, or to tell her that caber you tossed was a 10-foot beast as thick as your body when in actual fact you were only throwing sticks for your dog. I’m sure this is quite natural to try and boost ourselves when we feel uncomfortable.
I feel we are doing ourselves a disservice though. Who cares if you can’t lift a table without help from another person, who cares if you make 10 thousand less than her ex boyfriend. There are a thousand million good points about you, right? After all she wouldn’t be sitting here with you in the first place. Sometimes we tend to focus too much of the negative and we can lose sight of what makes us unique and awesome. In my opinion a person that feels the need to big themselves up lacks self esteem, and you can rid yourself of this by focusing on all the positives in your life.
I’m not perfect; I shout, I swear, I fart (a lot), my wife is continually frustrated with me as is my Son, but I still feel I am an awesome person because my positives far outweigh my negatives, or at least I like to think that way. It’s a mindset. Learn to think positive and the rest will fall into place.
Anyway, back to the first date. She’s already interested in you, she’s known you for (x) amount of time and likes who you are. Don’t change anything, she likes you for you, and not some beefed up arrogant arsehole. I’ve heard no end of women say – “he was so different on our first date” and that is because in our minds the playing feel has changed. Technically it hasn’t though, it’s still the same. Be yourself, be awesome 🙂