Why men arent naturally intuitive
There have been so many times that I’ve missed social queues as a younger and less wise male it’s unreal. We just aren’t naturally built for wider interpretation.
There have been many, no, countless women that have said to me (including my wife),
“why doesn’t he understand? Why doesn’t he listen? Why doesn’t he take out the trash when it’s all I really want him to do and he just won’t do that? It’s like my needs are second to his!”
And I’ll get to the point. We just don’t. If our partners don’t tell us straight to our faces then we’ll never know. And sometimes doing that won’t help, because we’ll place a ‘to do later’ flag in our mind, and chances are whatever it is that needs done will get looked at six months down the line.
Women as far as I understand it are plugged into a deeper connection with the earth. Having the gift of multitasking they can sense the quiet and not-mentioned unhappiness of their partner whilst on a long and in depth phonecall with a long standing friend. They can sense deeper connections than we do, and they connect the very fabric of family bonds. Women are very caring too, and because they are hyper aware of everything around them they tend to analyse situations better than us guys. You may find that she’s really angry that he was unable to do any housework today but she puts her feelings on hold because she understands that work has been really tough on him lately and it’s only a couple of weeks thing.
And yet men on the otherhand are completely the opposite. We screw up social queues left right and centre, we can’t see the hints and tips that are held up to our faces in big black bold attention NOW letters. I once had a girl practically throw herself at my feet because she wanted me to notice her and I just wasn’t getting it, and it came as a surprise, because I had no clue. Through this lack of wider understanding we also become very selfish in our thinking, mostly assuming that the world revolves around us, and that everyone thinks like we do. Because there’s no external data for us, we can’t feel the seething internal anger of our partners as they slowly, but silently contemplate stabbing a kitchen knife in our eye sockets but pretending everything is fine. There has been many, many, many loves lost because one side expects their partners to understand, and the other side just doesn’t understand, or doesn’t get it.
And that’s a massive problem.
It’s a hard thing getting to the late stages of a relationship in the modern era. Women are so wild and free and independent. It’s not like 100 years ago where a woman would need a man to survive on her own two feet in adulthood. And with this new found freedom she certainly doesn’t want to be shackled down to the selfishness of men. You need a woman with the patience of a saint, or a man that’s a bit more intuitve than the rest, or a lovely combination of both. And as we plod along the years well into the latter half of the 2010’s we see a huge drive in womens rights, and women now are probably more free and independent than they ever have been. Yet with the breaking free of the shackles of the patriarchy I think it’s also really important to understand both sides of the situation to get ahead in life.
It’s not as if men do it purposely. Fact of the matter is, a lot of us think we have a raw deal of it all, because we watch as you ladies stand up and be counted in all your granduer, and as we watch in awe, and cheer, we stop for a moment, we take a minute and think,
“Oh, wait, what about us? What about our needs?”
And perhaps that’s not down to purposeful antagonation, but more so blissful ignorance. If we can’t understand female feelings in a simple two person relationship how are we going to understand the 500 year plight of women? Educate us. Help us understand.
And definitely, I’m certainly not passing the buck onto women to sort everything, because a relationship takes two people, but perhaps it’s possible to talk more openly with one another about your hopes, your fears, your dreams, your aspirations. Does she annoy you? Ask her why she does that? Does he not listen? Ask him why he would rather put your needs on the back burner? That hurts. That REALLY hurts. Tell him that. Ask him why?
Stop repeatedly telling people things.
Ask more why’s?
And then once we have the answers to the situation then make some changes. It’s all well and good being aware, but actions speak louder than words.
We once met two people on holiday when my wife was pregnant. We were the exact opposite. And because my wife was pregnant I waited on her hand and foot, cooked dinner, cleaned, went shopping, everything. And in their relationship he sat on his bum whilst she did everything, yet there was physically wrong with him. And it shocked him a little, peering in at how life was for us, and it spurred him to have a long, long, long chat with his newly wed wife about how he was going to make a better effort. He was going to change. She loved it.
The very next day nothing had changed.
And not that I’m judging them, only that he told her what she wanted to her. Yeah, us guys do that lots.
I learned from there that talk was cheap, actions carry far more weight.
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