Why you should stop craving the spark
As a young man I was always looking for that illustrious spark we all know and admire when it comes to dating that prospective other. The fierce and intense wanting to be with each other, the butterflies in your tummy when they call and the excitement when you’re off out on a date. It’s all really really nice that part of the relationship, getting to know one another for the first time; realising you both have SO much in common yet SO much more to learn off each other. You could spend an entire weekend in bed with one another and yet not realise so much time has passed.
Yet, all good things must come to an end I’m afraid. Now, I’m not saying that spark will die out because all good relationships have the spark forever, but what I am saying is that the intenseness, the closeness, the wanting to be with one another 24/7 will pass. It will. Whether that’s ten days from now or an entire ten years, the spark will pass. And this is where it unfolds for some.
I can say I was once addicted to the spark, and I’m ashamed to say that as soon as the flame died then anything new and shiny that crossed my path would be fair game to me. You see, I had lots and lots of problems when I was younger. I had a Dad that was the worst role model you could ever meet. My Dad would be dating a girlfriend in another part of the country whilst having a wife back in the old town barefoot and pregnant. And yes, he exposed this to me. Not only did he treat the idea of this as if it was awesome, but he had absolutely no shame showing it off to me.
Lucky I had a good Mum. She would tell me from the beginning that what my Dad does is wrong and I should pay no attention to it; and yes, I feel she saved me because I grew up with high morals and standards as a young man when it came to cheating and the shiny syndrome. However, I grew up thinking the spark that you feel at the beginning of a relationship was the key to everything. If you feel that ALL the time then you’re onto a winner. And thus I ended up with a string of failed relationships and a reputation in the local community as a “don’t go near with a bargepole”
Why do I say this? Well, the spark ebbing off slightly is natural. There is a point in your life that you sit down and think, uh, I actually know everything about them. There’s not a thing I don’t know or a thing that would surprise me. And that’s when the mystery dissipates and the excitement dies off. And you’re left with… each other.
I see relationship after relationship fail when it comes to this point. Like I say it could be after one week or ten years but it will happen. And then there’s just you and your significant other that knows you inside out. And this is where the challenges begin. You have to commit to the same person your entire life. Eternity right? That’s a long time for some. You have to share the same space with them. You have to communicate with them daily. You are now a couple. So that boys night in or the girly night out can go take a hike unless both of you agree. There is no singular any more, you exist as a couple.
So my advice to you is find a person that you feel comfortable around, find someone that makes you laugh, find someone that doesn’t make you feel insecure and props you up when needed. Find someone that blows your mind. Find someone that loves you for you, and helps you you for you. And then, you’ll need no spark 🙂