Women are better than men? Let’s discuss

Are women better than men?

Having my first brush with a hard feminist group which bases itself on the ideology that women are better than men over on Google plus led me to writing this. I mean I’m totally all for introspection and reflecting on how we are as a species, and the certain distinctions that make us who we are, and the traits that lead us into doing the things that we do. But that’s quite a bold statement, for me. Saying that women are better than men. So for arguments sake I went into research mode. I mean one can’t make assumptions before getting some information right?

research

I’ve always been one for thinking that women are equal to men in every way. I was raised by my mother, and had the kind of nurture and upbringing that a loving woman that’s been abused by her husband, imparts her knowledge and wisdom onto her son so that he doesn’t make the same mistakes. It helped me a great deal in staying impartial to the great gender debate. And the people that I moved in circles with were very pro-women. We liked women, I still do.

Yet what I didn’t realise at the time is that even although I supported womens rights, and liked to join in on the good fight with women on their issues, I wasn’t quite mature enough to understand what was going on. When I first met my wife she opened my eyes to a great deal of under the surface issues that happen to women, it outed me as ignorant to the plight, and it made me feel quite a bit like a chauvinist. Even although I loved women, I’d still be partial to the good blonde joke and would think any lady that was remotely attractive would be equally as uneducated. It led me into a dramatic move to the side of females, that women do have life tough and that women are better than men. Yes, I truly thought this.

My Swift siding with women

My reasoning was this: women are better than men because they are nurturers; they inspire and help men to do great things, they exist in the background, silently making men great people, they help, they make families, make homes, they co-create, co-exist. Women, they are just awesome in every way. Whereas men exist as the frontline operatives, destroying everything in their wake, we are the engineers of destruction, destroy lives, relationships and everything that exists of beauty.

destroy

Yeah, I was quite tainted at that point.

It wasn’t until recently that I made a swing back to the middle. This time a healthy middle. I had realised that my previous thinking had been unhealthy, it had been biased by the good female company I was now keeping, school teachers that had taught me that men destroy, and the unhealthy male presence I had all through my life. Narccissists seem to adopt me, and mainly men. I didn’t have a good perception of men because of the company that I had previously kept, and meeting healthy, good women, only strengthened those feelings. I had firmly thought women are better than men for a long time. I didn’t vocalise these thoughts, though.

My long awaited centrist movement

The swing back came when I started to search deep into my own existence, read books, watch people and educate myself on the wider issues of the gender debate. Currently it’s a sad road we’re walking down. The rise of Facebook and social media it’s only showing you content that you would like, rather than all of it, has centralised us, and the wider issues have sort of faded into the background. Everyone seems to be shouting for their rights without taking time and care to listen to the other side. Women, taking to the streets, screaming about how their rights have been violated, and that no-one is listening to them, whilst in the same breath not communicating and shutting down anyone that wants to talk to them of an opposing view.

And the same goes for men too. I’ve been guilty of it in the past, but I’m trying to be better.

See, men and women have very different issues going on, perhaps it’s time we sat down and listened to each other, rather than screaming for our own rights yet not listening to, or caring about anyone elses. Communication and solution making is bi-directional.

two ways

Women are better than men? I doubt it. I think both men and women are two peas from the same pod. Whether that’s evolutionary theory, Adam and Eve, or your own brand of beginning. We co-exist, co-habit, we’re on this earth to exist with each other. It’s my genuine opinion that one couldn’t exist without the other. We all have our special brand of awesomeness to put to the table to complete this circle of life. We shouldn’t be fighting against that.

And I get that men are now rising up to this new-wave feminism that’s being bastardised by the same angry women that I met on Google plus, tagging feminism as a complete anti-men authoritarian establishment, but it’s not. You won’t believe the sheer amount of women that are distancing themselves from that core ideal, and they are in their droves. Women just don’t want to be anti-men, they want to be listened to though, in the same way we want to be listened to.

Maybe it’s time we should.

Just as they should. Listen to us, I mean.

Women are better than men? No

So before you go around thinking to yourself that women are better than men, think to yourself the reasons that made you think such things, and is it based on understanding, research and enlightenment? Or is it just through the small amount of people you know?

Women are better than men? Let's discuss

I'm a man that's been through the pitfalls and elations of relationships in my ever growing quest to better my knowledge in the human condition. I've been in the game and around the Internet since 1996 and surprisingly I'm still using it today. I've definitely found myself in some weird and wonderful places and I hope to share all of this with you lucky people.

14 Comments
  1. Reply
    Mat Baker February 15, 2017 at 8:46 am

    Hey Ray. Another terrific blog! You’re making a habit of this!

    I understand the premise of the blog, but “are women better than men?” is the wrong question, IMO. If you alter the parameters of the debate, and make it about the politics of race rather than the politics of gender and ask the question “are black people better than white people?” and you can see what I mean.

    Any debate that starts with such a divisive question isn’t likely to bear much fruit worth eating because it is by its nature polarising. And polarisation is something to avoid if one can.

    And a “feminist” who tries to argue that women are better than men is a misandrist in disguise who is intellectualising their bigotry. Feminsm is about the pursuit of equality, and I think we would all agree that it is a vital pursuit, and that we still have some way to go, sadly. But it is not about female superiority. Those who veer from this ideology just offer fuel to misogynists who want a reason to decry feminism. Those who seek to denigrate men simply because they are men are a part of the problem, not the solution.

    And of course, you can apply this to anyone who looks to put up any barriers when our goal should be to knock them down. We are all in this together.

    Or at least, we bloody should be.

    • Reply
      Raymond February 15, 2017 at 11:28 am

      Hi Mat! I love your take on things!

      I’m running out of topics to discuss. Over 300 posts on my blog – I’ve taken to answering the questions people are asking, and if you check google you’ll see that people are asking this question quite a lot. So my aim was to answer the question and pull it back to a central answer, if you get what I mean? 🙂

      • Reply
        Mat Baker February 15, 2017 at 2:12 pm

        Yeah, I did kinda get that. Sorry, I am such an argumentative arse sometimes.

        These things are really important though, and once I get rolling…I’m the geezer at the party who has a six feet total exclusion zone around me!

        • Raymond February 15, 2017 at 2:22 pm

          People don’t like to be told the truth – keep at it. One day you’ll be able to sit there in all your smugness 🙂

  2. Reply
    Gilly February 15, 2017 at 10:53 am

    A great post and brilliant example of how healthy self-examination can change our views for the better – and I absolutely agree with Mat’s comment too. We ARE all in this together.

    I realised how difficult, confusing and even frightening life can be for young men when I worked as a development tutor in college with 16 – 18 year olds. Males, in my opinion, (formed after listening to the stories of countless young males with tangled emotions) don’t have a very easy time of it and they seem the least likely to share difficult emotions the way females do. It is very disturbing, particularly as the suicide rate for 16 – 25 year old males is rising.

    We were just affected by the death of a 22 year old who worked with my husband’s company. Jumping in front of a train was apparently easier for him than being able to talk his problems through with someone. We seriously need to start listening to our boys and young men at a very early age instead of taking the stance that all men a bastards because of the actions of a few.

    If boys were helped to understand their emotions the way girls are, maybe we wouldn’t have so many angry men in society. Most of the angry teen age boys I worked with broke down and admitted they showed their emotions in the form of anger (throwing chairs in the classroom was quite common) because it stopped them from breaking down and crying which they felt was not ‘manly’. I saw many ‘angry’ boys sob their hearts out once they felt safe and were being listened to. Something needs to change and it starts with how we treat our babies.

    • Reply
      Raymond February 15, 2017 at 11:25 am

      That is so heartwarmingly true, Gilly. I had a male friend that broke down in tears with me, whilst I hugged him and told him it was going to be ok. He was shocked, and taken aback, because he never does that, cry, in front of others.

      It’s that thing again isn’t it? Active listening. Safe place. No matter how many people harp on about safe places, and snowflakes (currently the new buzzwords out there), everyone needs a safe place to be themselves and not be judged. Everyone.

      I really get a kick out of healthy, warm women giving heartfelt perspectives on men and our plight in my comments section – please do more 🙂

      I was the same at school. Throwing chairs and stomping my feet because I couldn’t be, well, me. My Son is at the age right now where they’re trying to keep him from crying at school. I know this is outwith my control, but I’m trying to give him the option that it’s ok to cry and be himself at home and he’ll always get Daddy hugs. I feel this will be a great post for next week in my column on the Good Men Project 🙂

      • Reply
        Gilly February 15, 2017 at 12:02 pm

        Oh don’t get me started on school! The absolute worst place you could put children to ‘learn’. I worked in the school system for around 8 years when I left journalism and I am still too angry to write about what I encountered there. I worked with ‘difficult’ children from 7 – 18, going into various schools to ‘sort them out’. It was NEVER the child who needed ‘sorting out’. I came to realise the chair throwers and foot stompers where the children who refused to be broken by the adults at home or in school. They were fighting the tyranny to the end in their own very clumsy ways. When I tried to hold the adults acountable for their parts in the anger these children had, guess what, I got hounded out of the system! No they were just BAD children who needed ‘sorting out’ in isolation. Well they didn’t bloody get that way in isolation! It was, and still is, horrific. The ruling classes, whoever THEY are, just want obedient little robots to serve them and school is the place where they tame the crap out of us. Those that resist are in for a hard time. So sad. So glad your son has a sensible daddy!

  3. Reply
    alconner15 February 17, 2017 at 8:37 am

    Wow, I do not think I could have said this better myself. I was raised in a Southern household with both parents. The man was the leader and the woman supported him, for the most part LOL. But, my parents were both very equal when it came to opinions, discipline and structure. My mom, as you said, was more of the nurturer and would let things slide more just to make me feel better. My dad was the tough, hard-headed one that was sometimes hard to talk to. BUT despite the negative and positive experiences I had growing up. I have learned that men are better at certain things than women, and vice verse. It is truly how we were made! it is not a political standard. Personally, coming from a woman’s perspective, I think feminism (in the way it is portrayed today) is a bunch of crap. Why am I fighting for something that I already have?
    I heard something on a video or something the other day saying, “Successful and accomplished women, don’t have to fight this feminism fight.” It’s true though, why would we? I have a good job, I can do anything I want. I don’t need to fight for my vagina when I already have it!

    That’s just my two-cents. I recently started my own blog. Check it out //www.livinlifeandotherstuff.com

    • Reply
      Raymond February 17, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      I liked this – It’s nice to meet another person that feels equal. Like me, I feel equal in every way, but that’s only because my direct environment is so.

      I think a lot of it, like you say, is directly related to mindset, and also circumstances outwith your control. As let’s not forget, there are still many oppressed women out there 🙂

  4. Reply
    alconner15 February 17, 2017 at 8:39 am

    I apologize, I meant “political scandal” not political standard!

  5. Reply
    40wishesandcounting April 11, 2017 at 1:42 am

    What an interesting line of thoughts! I think it just differs from personality to situations. Although I defin have to say that I am the caring one that is more open about it. I am also a teacher so that probably adds to it as well!

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