Things men dont talk about
I’m starting to see a wildly popular pattern on this blog, and that’s opening up from the male perspective. Thanks to my wildly popular “when men fall in love“ and “men and miscarriage” and a load of others.
We don’t like to open up, us guys. Mostly we like to harbour our thoughts and feelings in our socially respected man caves, where we’ll go off to let off some steam. But in my opinion we should be sharing it. We should be sharing those good and bad vibes far and wide and telling every one of our friends about it. One thing that women have spot on is that they share their feelings openly, they tell their friends and acquaintances and those they like about how they feel. It’s a healthy way to be in my opinion, to express oneself in a natural manner.
But let’s get real here. There are a few topics for us men that are just strictly taboo. Everyone knows these problems exist but it just isn’t talked about. Even the most open and empowering women can find it hard to make a connection on certain subjects with some guys. We were just brought up differently. To feel pain but not let it out. Strange if you ask me. When I stub my toe on the side leg of my table I’m always hopping around the room like a madman screaming “aahh, arrrgh”, so why isn’t it acceptable for me to stick on some Urban Hyms by the Verve and cry into my pillow when something doesn’t work out in a relationship?
We don’t express our hurt.
“Wow, what you said there, that really hurt me”
I’ve NEVER heard a man say that ever, but that definitely doesn’t mean that we don’t feel it. I’ve hurt deeply a lot in the past by what people have said, done or were going to do. Just because I pretended to the world that I wasn’t hurting didn’t mean that the Grand Canyon wasn’t duplicating itself in my heart ventricles. Yeah, we hurt and we hurt badly. Some men will seek aggression as a way to vent hurt, others will curl up in the fetal position in their mancave with no-one around, while the rest will pretend nothing has happened, completely emboldening the “stiff upper lip outlook”. None of it is healthy, and we should all wear our hearts on our sleeves, even if they are tear stained and vulnerable.
We don’t express femininity.
I read somewhere in a body language book on men that to hang their hands in the limp position whilst walking can be seen as weak in business circles. It probably is, but what I’ve learned in life it should only matter how you feel inside, and with that foundation even the president can’t topple your comfortableness. Who cares what anyone else thinks, right? I’ve been made a fool of, laughed at and ridiculed in the past for being comfortable with my feminine side. All men have it, we just don’t admit it and we’re afraid to show it. You think we don’t well up with tears at the cute cat video that was just saved by a helpful fireman – think again! We do. In my eyes femininity is powerful, just like masculinity. To disempower them by minimising one is to not be at peace with oneself, always battling with the side that you’re afraid of.
We’re not very forthcoming with our emotions
Every guy chat I’ve ever had on the surface has started with, “You alright?” and ended with, “Yeah, am alright” we just don’t talk about our feelings with anyone, our dreams, our wishes, our happines, our sadness, anything. I have a good few male friends that I’ve never discussed this once with, they just don’t care. It’s not their fault though, and it’s not a matter of truly caring, it’s because when I talk about this stuff it forces them to reflect upon their feelings too. And that’s tough stuff for guys! Never had a male friend tell me that he’s “down” today, or that he want’s to “talk” about it, it’s all on the surface stuff. Which is why we struggle with Mental Health too. We just don’t talk.
We really don’t talk about anything vulnerable
Emotional ecstasy for a woman is when a guy is at his most vulnerable in front of her and only her, when he places his heart completely in the palm of her hand and with everything she has at her disposal she can crush it, or embrace it. My wife was lucky enough to witness me at my weakest whilst I was on the path to change, and I, her. I don’t think you can get a more vulnerable moment for women than her partner witnessing her pregnancy. And yet we just don’t discuss it. Any signs of weakness or vulnerability and our guy friends are running for the door or pointing and laughing, further entrenching our beliefs about the “stiff upper lip”.
And absolutely contrary to popular belief…
We feel hard
I lived with a flatmate once upon a time and I could have sworn he was an airhead. A big thuggish airhead that would drag his knuckles wherever he went. Yet he was always coming to me with strange ideas and inventions that he had thought up. I never thought they were any good, and I was right, but the ideas must have came from somewhere. I look back wondering what caused him to think like such, perhaps a deep-seated unsatisfaction with his surroundings in life? Looking for a get out clause? Or just the appreciation of new invention gimmicks? But later I realised that every thought is motivated by a feeling, and he thought lots. Make no mistake that us guys feel lots. It’s often joked that we think the most random and unrelated things, but those are always backed by a strong emotion. Think about it. Why does your guy always talk about alternate Universes? Or visiting Africa? Because he enjoys a bit of escapism? Perhaps! But there’s always that emotional passion beneath the surface that you don’t quite see.
Learn to stoke that fire!!
Thanks for reading,
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