Next Up! A very articulate young lady that is having a mental dilemma with a boy. She writes:
Hey, I’m a teenage girl and I’ve always been on a fairly lucky side of social status. Any crush I had has been mutual and it doesn’t take much effort, but I took a year-long break from relationships to focus on becoming a better person/student.
I started liking this boy and he’s a friend of mine. We would joke around, but we’re not necessarily the best of friends. Because of COVID-19, we’ve been attending a lot of conference calls together (with the rest of our classmates) and I often text him while we’re calling. I’ve caught him blushing at his screen and suppressing a smile more than once.
There are a lot of factors though. I found out my best friend and ex are dating…he got out of a relationship a month ago…we haven’t met in person for a loooong time because of the Corona situation… and I’m switching schools at the end of the year.
My question is: should I start a relationship with him and get closer or should I dismiss these feelings while I can?
Okay, first of all I’d like to commend you on the year out to build yourself. One of the fundamental things I try and tell my audience is to work on yourself first before you go out and seek a partner. Many people just go out there and try to get any partner and think this is what will fulfil them, but it’s not.
The best thing I’ve ever done in my life was take two years out and rebuild my personality (a long story which I doubt you want to hear) before I put myself back on the market. When you build on yourself then you make yourself more attractive to higher quality people. That’s a fact.
So well done you. If I had a time machine this is what I would have done back then. Stopped chasing girls and start working on my career / myself.
Secondly, attraction is relatively easy to spot. When we’re young and most of us are single and looking — then all you need do is look at who wants to be around us the most. In your case it would be a guy that’s always there for you, or around for you. Even the bad-boys tend to gravitate to the girls they like, even if they pretend not to. Quite hard in lock-down, I hear you, but if he’s paying attention to you in a room full of other girls, yeah, that’s attraction.
Boys are simple. They will talk to, be around, and gravitate towards the girls they like the most.
I was a blusher too. Yeah, blushing is a dead giveaway. I can’t think of any other reason why we would blush.
Thirdly, and most importantly, why do most people ignore their feelings? We feel something and then we tell ourselves to stop it. Sounds silly when I’m writing this out, but we do. I did this too when I was younger, and perhaps it was my parents legacy dished out onto me. Always conflicted, always in turmoil over what I should do. We feel because it’s our truth. It’s the truest form of ourselves — feeling emotion. Thinking came much later. If you look at animals they will feel and do. We feel, then think about those feelings and mostly don’t do! Ha.
Let’s also talk about risk because it applies to the above. We feel something then analyse the risk of acting upon it. So if a six foot five man-bruiser was poking fun at me, then I would look at him, analyse the risk of saying something, and then probably just go about my business. It wouldn’t be worth the risk.
The same is for dating and relationships. It’s all risky business. Who knows where you’ll end up in ten years with this guy if at all. But isn’t that the fun of it all? Taking that risk and seeing what will come of it? It could work out, it might not? But the point is, is that you’re obviously feeling good emotions for him, so why not? You’re also young and have plenty of time to see what happens! We learn through testing something and seeing if it works out. If you don’t experience these things and protect yourself from everything then you’ll never learn.
Friends are also the best way to start relationships. I know I’m always on this blog telling guys not to be friends with girls if they are interested in more (some guys are like this. They will purposely friend women with the intention of wanting more without telling them), but sometimes feelings just blossom from friendships out of nowhere, and that’s just a different case entirely. There’s no secret agenda, or manipulation or any of the other stuff that comes with that. I got to know my wife for at least three months before we started dating. We already knew quite a bit about each other and that’s a really good way to start a relationship. We already knew we could talk for hours about anything.
So my answer to you would be if there are feelings there then go for it. Hit that boy up and see what happens. You seem like a respectable, intelligent lady anyway so I’m absolutely sure you’ll be fine. Just suck it and see. Don’t get attached to the outcome and enjoy the ride for what it is.