Next on the AMA pedestal we have Mr Indian boy, who asks:
Sir, I am an Indian boy of age 16…presently I don’t live in my hometown…But I have a crush on a girl who was my classmate…being a boy from small town and conservative family I couldn’t propose her that time.
I love her from class 4 but from the last two years I haven’t met her…we just chat in social network…I supported her..Now she thinks me as her bestfriend and she is going to be in a relationship soon as a boy of her tution has proposed her…Most of the times I become sad nowadays…now in a big city all of my friends are in relationship but I can’t see this..I never looked for another girl…please tell me how to deal with it? I want her as a life partner
Hi Mr Indian! Thanks for sending in your question. I’ll get right on with answering it.
At 16 your emotions are probably firing off like a canon. I remember what it was like to be 16, everything felt ten times more intense than it does now. I honestly don’t envy you. Despite what us old codgers tell you, youth, and especially liking someone in your youth is hard. I know, I’ve been there myself.
You’ve missed something really important here. And that’s to state intention. I always tell guys that are interested in girls to do that right off the bat. State intention. And then there’s no confusing you for her best friend, or friendly blah whatever. And don’t blame her — she think’s you’re her best friend.
Can I ask, have you said anything to give her doubt on that? That you’re only her friend? Subtle clues don’t count. The only thing that counts is:
I like you. I am interested in you on a deeper level.
If you don’t convey that then you’ve lost before you started.
Of course there’s ways to state that without coming across as a creepy idiot. You can just say,
“Hey, I really like you, I would like to take you out on a date when we finally meet up”
But if you never get to that stage then how will you know? 🙂
When I was 18 there was a girl that I really, really liked and I spent hours talking to her, and I even sent her some money — but when I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out she said no, she preferred me better as a friend. It hurt, it hurt even more when she went off to date a blockhead. But, that’s life.
The lesson I took away from that experience is that I should have stated my intention as soon as I started to have feelings for her – then I wouldn’t have had such a loss after much of my time was invested.
But then from what I see you have said she already has a proposal. I have a few Indian friends and I hear once it’s gone to the proposal stage and she’s accepted then that’s it? Correct me if I’m wrong, though.
It’s going to hurt like a bitch for the next few months and there’s probably nothing I can say or do (or anyone else for that matter) to make that feeling of hurt (and loss) get better. But just understand that it will eventually, and you’ll move onto your next interest.
Chalk this down to a life experience and be first to the table the next time. Did you know that every girl has at least four men at any given time interested in her? Yup, this is the truth. Get in there first and you’ll know exactly where you stand.
Building it up over time never ever works and it almost always will leave one of you hurt.
Carpe Diem. Seize the day my friend.