Why men should open up
I read a question on Quora today that was written by some hapless dude that had a crush on one of his lady friends, turns out that he had been crushing on her for months. And through his inability to sexualise himself to her, to make her ears prick up and think, mmmmm, and make him seem far more exciting than he’s being to her, he’s fallen into the age old trap of being boring and uninteresting. Oh I expect he’s interesting, but interesting in the sense that a friend would be, being an emotional crutch. Not a good move if he’s fallen in love with her!
Yet what angered me is that this poor bloke had been bombarded with a ton of guys, some calling themselves dating experts, all telling him that he needs to stop falling into the ‘friendzone’ all the time, and that to appeal to women he needs to be exciting, adventurous and stand up for himself. Which is right I guess. But what really stood out for me was the total invalidation of a woman’s friendship that they were giving off. That being a bloke, and being friends with a woman is a bad thing. Since when?
I have tons of women friends, some from the days when I was desperately single.
What we’re seeing here is the minimisation of cross gender relationships and objectifying and seuxalising women. Why? Why is it important that we want to fuck every woman that we meet? Why is it important that every woman is seen as a fuck toy and nothing else? I swear, in the last ten years I’ve met some of the most incredibly bright women I’ve had the fortune to come across. Some friendships have led to further insight into my own relationship and how I could improve that for the better. But I’ll be honest and say that I have had some female friends since I was 21, and I am definitely not interested in taking our relationship any further, and never was.
Because I’m not a cocksucker, that’s why.
For me, learning further about women was pivotal in my friendships with them, there were things they would tell me as a friend, that some wouldn’t tell their partners. And some women discuss their partners a lot to me, and have done since I was barely out of my teens. To me that’s not a disadvantage, that’s a serious advantage there, no? To gain valuable insight to the female mind to use it to better improve my own relationship. Her needs, her wants, her desires. It’s not complicated.
And women whether we like it or not are nurturers at the core, from the hardest walled up garden to the gentlest flower, there is a natural caring to them that can make friendships really empowering. They care, they embrace and they inspire.
Yet I feel a lot of men are walled off to the notion that women can be friends, that tapping into their emotional side is only reserved for those that they have intimate interest in. I disagree, open up, let women in, let them poke around in your mind a bit, share the love that you have, plenty to go around. Embrace your masculinity. See them for what they really are, not just a visual representation. Learn to explore their intelligence, their femininity.
A lot of women have admitted to me that they play down their skills because of the male ego and how it could effect them afterwards. In life, a job, in society.
Sometimes I abhor certain male egos. The crushingly forceful pressure that is put on men when we were kids, to reject the emotional, that anything remotely emotional is negative, and womanly, and that is a bad thing. How can anything about women be negative? Some situations require that we open up, that we be vulnerable, that we allow ourselves to be emotional for a moment, and that can be with friends, family or intimate lovers. It’s time we, as men, started to embrace that.
And once you have friendships sorted, then you will be able to distinguish the difference between friendship and intimacy, and friendships and intimate relationships can be taken to a whole new level.
Stop being scared of yourself.
Let people in.
Why men should open up