Anger and the Shame That Follows
Do you feel shameful after having bouts of anger? I did. It was taught to me from a young age that anger was bad, and that it lead to being like my dad. It was a slippery slope of course, and I’m not blaming my family, only that I wasn’t taught healthy coping mechanisms when it came to anger. I had to learn my own way, and all the solutions I came to on my own were unhealthy.
What I didn’t realise is that when I began to link my anger to feeling bad, and that I shouldn’t be feeling these emotions, then it turned into shame after enough time had passed. The shame is real, and it can be utterly devastating to young people. I’ve lived through that — unhealthy coping mechanisms when it comes to uncomfortable emotions.
My solution was to drink myself into oblivion. Drink until I could sense no more. But that didn’t solve the solution, it only put a temporary block on the feeling for perhaps one night, and then it went back to normal again. In this video I describe undealt with anger like a pressure cooker of emotions. Keep them down for long enough and they will erupt in a fiery ball of rage. This is why I promote healthy attitudes to anger and venting so that the cooker doesn’t boil over.
I think a lot of people in my era would have experienced this attitude to growing up, and probably can relate – but it’s certainly not limited to my generation. I’m sure it’s very prevalent in younger generations and the emphasis we all have of being tolerant and understanding, when in actual fact, sometimes the world can be a cruel and unkind place, where it’s really hard to be kind and understanding.