Knowing your gender, and the discrimination that comes with it

People say that being a man is a walk in the park in today’s world. My Mum used to say, yep, Raymond, it’s a man’s world. And I would agree with her on certain aspects of that statement. You know? Higher pay in the workplace for men in some cases, better opportunity in the workplace being a man. I’ve heard some women really have to work twice as hard. Then there’s periods, and yeah, women are expected to just get on with it, Pregnancy, Birth, Maternity leave abuse, and a plethora of other things I won’t bother to get into. But being a man has it’s certain downfalls too, I mean did you know that we suck with our emotional intelligence? How often have you asked your partner how he “feels” on a certain subject only to be grunted at and watch him retreat back to his cave.

Us men suck with our feelings. We really do. We find it hard to talk about our emotions and how we generally feel. When was the last time you heard a guy say, “Well, yeah, I feel what you said there really hurt me”. I was wearing pink the other day (I love Pink, I suit it), My 5 year old Son and I had just painted our fingernails and toenails yellow and pink because that’s what he wanted to do and I was carrying the wife’s wallet. The amount of disapproving looks I got from other men were unbelievable. Why is it so wrong to appeal to your feminine side in another man’s eyes? Why can’t I just be myself and do what I want with my Son? I mean it’s not as if I’m going to suddenly break out into a Y.M.C.A dance and swap my wife for a heavy-set builder. I’m comfortable with my sexuality.

You see I don’t blame men today, or yesteryear. There was a time where it was strictly socially unacceptable for men to display any emotion, femininity or the softer side of life. The Victorian times where you had to “keep the stiff upper lip”, stupid bloody saying that is. Us modern men seriously lack empowering male figures in our life. And it’s because our Dads lacked the same things as we do. Yes, we were taught how to burp and fart and swear like sailors, oh and build the occasional thing. But when I was a little boy, not much younger than my Son now – whenever I was caught crying, seven bells of shit were knocked out of me (for those of you that don’t know, that means I was beaten). The result? No matter how stressful a situation becomes I can’t for the life of me cry. I can’t, not even when my Dad died. Crying is a release of excessive emotion. It’s a good thing. Have you never heard that crying cleanses the soul?

I remember when we lost our first child, my wife had a miscarriage at 4 months and we were absolutely devastated. We had been gunning for a child and to lose our first was a heartbreak story. The turmoil I felt inside was unbelievable. I had my wife that was struggling to cope physically and mentally, and I had to still go to work and get on with daily life. The sympathy from friends, family, strangers all cuddled around Natalie like a lovely bubble of warmth and love. Then there was me, outside the bubble, dark, gloomy, cold, and distant. No-one wanted to console me – obviously because I was male, and we deal with that shit alone. It’s fine, I was able to keep the stiff upper lip, right? Luckily, Natalie knew this and I did get lots of love. But, I feel many men are not as lucky as me, and suffer in complete silence, unnoticed. Stiff upper lip

Women impress me. They really do. When they go out with their friends they go and talk about their men and how they feel and how their men make them feel and lots more. If I was to take a bunch of my mates out and say, “I feel Natalie just isn’t getting me right now” they would probably ask me if I had my period on or something. It’s heartbreaking really because I would love to open up to friends and family but I feel the world just decompartmentalises everyone into neat little gender types and roles. “Women do this, and men do that.” What about if we both do this and that?

So here we are today. An entire generation of men that are emotionally challenged. It’s not all bad though; people are getting involved, mental health care is on the improvement, voluntary sector movements are really making big strides in the continual development of our species, and things like counselling and one on one therapy isn’t looked upon as that strange. We need to all stand up and get involved. Stop squashing our feelings because of social etiquette. Emotions are completely natural. By trying to squash emotions you are basically saying, “I don’t like the way I am”. Learn to trust your emotions and go with the flow.

Ok. Long one today. I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please feel free to comment below 🙂

Peace out.

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Raymond is a Mental Health activist and cryptocurrency enthusiast. He fuels his activism by taking to the web and trying to create core change in the way people interact. As an ex-Community​ Manager, Raymond has a unique approach to communication and relationships and believes the way forward in life is improving the interactions between one another. Raymond started his blogging activities as a way to heal from a chequered past, and through this, his blog has become something far more empowering than he ever imagined. And thus, The Relationship Blogger Magazine was born.


  1. Hi Raymond,
    I really enjoyed your site. I found it very funny in places and very true. I do think the caveman in us is changing but you will always get the bruisers in life. I am sorry to hear you lost a child, and yes we men are left to deal with everything in life alone, unless you have a good woman. thankfully you seemed to have one. A great site and well laid out, great use of picture inserts. I will be passing on the 5 tips on asking a woman on a date. keep up the good work mate. I will enjoy reading your updates, I know where to come for some sound advice!

  2. Hi

    A very interesting post and well worth the read. I commend you on your honesty and pain you suffered, revealing personal circumstances takes courage but also lets the reader connect with you and what you are trying to convey. I will be following your blog with keen interest.

    Kindest regards


  3. Enjoying reading your blog. As far as the splitting up goes, I too have been there, done that, but maybe you should reinforce in people that you do need to be a little selfish too, especially if the break up was her idea.
    I’m not talking about being mean, just the realization that it was she who had (has) the problem so move on – no need to say anything else as she is obviously looking after her interests, so you need to do the same. It’s hard to switch from (usually) putting her first to putting yourself first but believe me, speaking from experience, it is essential and really will help.

    1. Oh definitely. You should put yourself first with everything. It is through taking care of your own needs that you learn to take care of others. I’m unsure where you read the splitting up info from but it was intended for both male and female perspectives. 🙂

      Thank you for your comment! 🙂

  4. I admire your candor and honesty – about what it feels like to be a man (uh oh, that would be a man feeling right lol!). Although emotions are a huge part of woman’s nature and for that I’m thankful – it can also be a huge annoyance when it can’t just be “shut down.”

    I am happy to say I have met quite a few emotional men in my lifetime, but yes, many quite low on the emotional scale.

    Looking at the experience of your loss from your perspective was eye opening – men do have feelings and even though they’re not always the best at sharing them they deserve to be accounted for. Ask me tomorrow if I feel the same though,,,JK!

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