What Is MGTOW? A Deep Dive Into Incels and MGTOW.

MGTOW stands for, “Men Going Their Own Way,” and Incel stands for “Involuntary Celibate,” some may say this is fringe territory, but these movements are already growing in large numbers and I feel they are being somewhat pushed into the mainstream. Is this a bad thing? Some may say yes, others would say no.

Luckily for you over the last year I’ve deep dived into the men’s rights movement and all that it encompasses. Here’s what I’ve found. If you’re asking yourself, “what is mgtow?” or, “what is an incel?” then read on..

Let’s start with MGTOW - what is MGTOW?

In MGTOW I feel the overwhelming majority of men that I have met from these parts have had bad experiences with women. Whether that she’s been Married to him and taken all his money and belongings, and now he finds himself in a situation where he has to spend a lifetime paying for her, or that she’s lied to him about something major and then their relationship hasn’t worked out — regardless of the situation their bad experiences are vast and I can’t but help feel they are painted in a bad light. In my eyes this only adds fuel to the fire.

This isn’t to say that I don’t think they are not responsible for their actions, because after all, every choice we make in life has either a positive or negative impact in our journey and through those choices we craft our own destiny.

It is said in some circles, and in particular the mainstream media that mgtow is a reactionary movement to Feminism, but I feel that it is slightly deeper than that, and that a group of men that have been treated badly have come together to form something that is more powerful than themselves. The negative focus on women is but a side effect of the hurt, perhaps anger, and trauma they have experienced in their lives.

I sit in some very pro-mgtow Facebook and Reddit groups and watch what is being said to one another on these forums and I would agree in that some of my experiences a lot of men have a negative-bias towards women which I expect is a result of their bad experiences and / or trauma. That being said I understand why it exists and have empathy for it.

The aim of mgtow as I understand it is to have a fulfilling life without having to settle down in a long term relationship with a woman. That Marriage is just to risky to have her decide one day that it just isn’t working out and now you are indebted to her for the rest of your life. The child courts are extremely biased and largely unfair.

On a positive note if you’ve made it as far as to observe their YouTube channels you can learn a lot about the psychology of men and women.

I’m not a fan of the mgtow movement because I have a happy relationship with my wife, but I do understand why it exists, and through venturing into it and finding out what it’s all about I have a great amount of empathy for it. I can see why men would venture of that way, if only to make a connection with someone else that’s in the same situation when the world seems to take a large dump on them.

There are literally no support groups or spaces for men that need to heal after being in relationships with toxic women, or, on the other side of the spectrum, men that have had traumatic experiences in childhood and have formed unhealthy attitudes to women. No support, nothing. Only groups on the internet.

What are Incels?

Incels are probably the most misunderstood group of men on the internet. I watched a live video screening on honeybadger radio on YouTube about The Incel Project. It was a project ran by a woman that did her own deep dive into the Incel community to find what it was all about and hopefully better their lives. What she found out was not only remarkable but shed light on a community that was painted so wrongly by the mainstream media. Often I’ve heard about violence by incels on the mainstream media but have never went into pursue my own line of questioning — perhaps out of fear.

It occurred to me that if it weren’t for the changes I had made in my own life I could have been an incel myself. At one point I had zero trust in women; in my eyes women only wanted me when they needed me and when I wanted anything in return — perhaps affection? It was rejected.

Misguided views

There’s a strange phenomena on the Internet right now where it is thought that men who can’t get women feel entitled to sex. There is a really hardcore fixation on sex which I feel is wildly off the mark. When I think back to my days of wanting, no, perhaps pining over people that weren’t the right fit for me it was more-so a connection I was seeking; any sort of connection. If sex happened, then great! But usually it didn’t, in fact very few times did it happen. But sex was an afterthought and by god I didn’t feel anywhere near entitled to it. You have to feel like you deserve it first, and I never felt like I deserved it.

This is where I feel the mainstream media, and perhaps Feminism wildly misses the mark; that men somehow feel entitled to sex — whereas in the most part they just want to create a family with someone. And when the paradigms they were taught in childhood from a broken home, or a single parent family are replicated and never work out for them, of course there is going to be a level of frustration, perhaps resentment to the other sex.

If I told you that the moon was made out of diamond, and you spent a lifetime trying to reach the moon to get a chunk of that rich diamond, and when you eventually made it there found out there was only space-dust wouldn’t you feel a little resentful?

A lot of the men in these circles are socially awkward and a bit autistic. I’ve reflected in the past over my dices with my identity and autism, and if I’m not on the scale then I’m certainly close to it — I’ve realised that a lot of the men I am friends with I suspect are on the scale too, but most have made it to the goal of having families and all are still in their first marriages. I’m guessing that may have something to do with our generation and the less tension between the sexes. We more see our partners as a helping hand rather than a dog-fight to see who can be boss.

All in all the Incel community is a group of men that are involuntary celebate due to social akwardness, autism, perhaps severe trauma, failed parenting strategies and a wide array of many other things. I have tremendous empathy for this community because I probably would have been one if it weren’t for me eventually finding myself a partner.

How To Deal With Them?

Well, I’m thinking Kansas city shuffle if that’s even a thing. Coined by Bruce Willis in Lucky Number Slevin. One of my all time favourite films. When everyone is looking left, you move to the right. So when everyone is spewing out hatred, I will show the love.

It’s a tried and tested technique, and proven strategy that providing groups of men (and women) with positive role models that tend to break the mould. If you want to live in a good and happy world then mirror that behaviour yourself. Stop being the energy that blocks, and instead act like a conduit for positive role modelling. One cannot lead effectively if they don’t know how to lead themselves, right?

That may actually mean stop blaming everyone else for your problems and start focusing on your own life *shock horror*

In a more basic sense it means to act in a way that compliments what you would like to see in the world. If you want to see love and kindness and compassion — then be that force for good. That’s of course not to say that bad things don’t happen to good people; it’s more so how we let situations out of our control affect our lives and how we deal with this.

Life is 10% situations out with our control, 90% how we deal with it.

So, next time, instead of palming someone you see off as vicious extensions of the Patriarchy, maybe sit down and have a humane talk with them. Instead of drawing up your own conclusions, perhaps ask them questions and try and understand them a little better. And if you can’t do that then perhaps just give them a smile and acknowledge they exist! I promise it would make their day.